Here is my latest blog post. Despite the local jack(expletive)es who claim I am not a big deal, here is my latest blog post. The locals might all hate, disrespect, and insult me, but I will keep doing my job until they kill me. My job is saving the world. I will not shirk my responsibilities until Obama succeeds at destroying me.
Netherlands. Queen Beatrix just abdicated her crown to her son the now King Willem-Alexander. We have a new Dutch king. This brings up the old questions about whether or not royalty is still necessary at this point in history. I believe any way of putting responsibility on rich people to serve their people must be a good thing. In modern times, a king is a servant to his people. How could this be bad?
Bangladesh. There is a settlement now concerning the collapsed factory. Primark will be compensating the factory workers and their families. Yes, financial compensation is important, but so is criminal charges for any negligence. Let the people see justice. It is part of the healing process.
USA. The first major American athlete just came out as a gay man. We should all be happy for Jason Collins because he no longer has to live a lie. And we should be proud our society has finally reached a point where it is okay for major athletes to be gay.
My beautiful world, please tell me my health is resolved. I have no symptoms of any mental illness despite years of involuntary drugs, torture, and persecution. Obama has been trying very hard for years to make me look crazy, so he can justify mental health commitment as a way to imprison me. Never fall for his lies.
I got sick in 2002. I was well by 2008. Obama started persecuting and libeling me in 2009. I have no idea how I am still well after everything Obama has made me live through, but I have absolutely no symptoms of mental illness despite being pumped full of LSD regularly. That is how well I am.
Despite my being mentally well, Obama has ordered me to be tortured tomorrow. The needle full of harmful chemicals goes in my arm at approximately 3pm on 02May2013. If there is anything you can do to prevent this, I would greatly appreciate it. You know how much the chemicals damage me.
Also, my beautiful world, I worry for my ninjas. I have not seen either in so long. Nate was the one who wanted to sleep with me. The one I named Thorbald never spoke to me but kept me safe from the shadows. If you ever get a chance, please keep my ninjas safe. They are all I have for safety around here. And they mean so much to me personally.
My beautiful world, I take it by now you all have seen the hater named Michael I met at Wellman's Pub on Monday night. He was the guy with the symbol for the Illuminati shaved into the back of his head. His jack(expletive) behavior is typical for the level of disgusting disrespect I get from the locals. Make a podcast out of it. Please save me from this hell hole.
My brave rescuers, your perseverance warms my soul. While I am surrounded by Iowan pigs with (expletive)hat moral values and while I am broken hearted over my husband's activities with another woman, I know at least that people somewhere are fighting to save me. You warm me. If I really do lose Sweetness, I will need a new reason to wake up every day and do good in the world. Thank you for giving me you. I promise to make the world worthy of you.
My beautiful world, do you remember this? I still need your help with this! (Click here to read the entire previous blog post.)
My beautiful world, Obama does not care how many good people he has to kill to keep me persecuted. Forcing a rescue is not working. We have to take the head off the snake. Obama will never choose to give me my human rights, so we have to 1.) break him down, 2.) work around him, or 3.) replace him. The UN is right; we need a political solution.
My beautiful world, force a political solution on Obama. Take whatever means necessary to accomplish this. Try sanctions. Talk to Obama. Use no lack of words to explain to him what he is committing is heinous human rights violations. We need to break Obama down, and for that we need pressure from the entire world. Open up dialogue with Obama to explain to him the consequences of destroying me.
Convince Congress to move faster with a legislative solution. My beautiful America, call and write to your Congresspeople. Senators and Representatives need to make their constituencies happy. Tell them to save me from Obama. Obama is killing me. Please ask them to save me before I am completely destroyed.
Help by providing evidence we can use against Obama in court; Prime Minister Cameron, you know I need you for this one... But I also need absolutely everyone Obama has oppressed, everyone Obama has lied to, and everyone whose rights he has violated for this, too. Please provide your evidence, witness testimonies, etc. to my BFF, Syniva Whitney. We need your help saving me. And saving me saves the world.
SynSyn, you are such a hero. Full speed ahead with impeaching Obama! Please make sure you investigate every soul who ever committed any crime against me. Conspiracy. Corruption. Bribery. Iowa is a treasure trove of evidence.
Investigate everyone from Broadlawns to Mark R. Gray to Polk County District Court. Find out who at the state legislature has always stood in the way of Iowa setting me free and investigate them. Our only exception is Cuddlebunny. He turned it around and became a hero. We need to protect Cuddlebunny.
Also, my BFF, people have either been trying to tell me that Sweetness slept with someone else again or that Obama created more libel of me to populate the internet. I have been getting a lot of "She's not you." If there is more libel, we need the standard run of criminal and civil charges against the people who made it. Also, investigate all libelists past and present to prove their connection to Obama.
It started in 2009 when Obama filled my head with spy equipment and put me in a bubble of persecution. That should be enough to tie it to him, but hard evidence is always more fun. Thank you, Synny!
Sweetness, I love and adore you. Can I ask you for a favor? I have a friend Christian Laffey in Los Angeles. Christian normally calls me once a week to cheer me up. He really helps me cope. Christian takes very good care of me. Sadly, he is having a financial situation right now that has taken his phone away from him. We can only speak online, and I really need a Christian phone call every once in a while to keep me going.
Darling, can I ask you to help Christian find a job? He has worked in the film industry for almost twenty years now, but with the downturn in the economy, he could use a hand. Please, darling. I would hire him to work for me if it just were not for the bubble keeping me from starting my company finally. Can you find a space for him?
It would mean so much to me if he could call me again. Christian never breaks the rules, but he cheers me up. He makes the persecution bearable. Please, my beloved husband. It would mean so much to me.
Also, darling, people are trying to tell me you slept with someone else again. This is what I had to say before I figured out what was going on... Look. You have the freedom to sleep with half of the free world, if you feel like it. We have an understanding. You are just forbidden from falling in love with anyone else and from ever leaving me.
No, I do not like it. Yes, I would prefer if you did not. But it is a freedom you have that helps keep you mine, so I will never complain. We are married, but we are far apart. I completely understand you are human just like you understand I am human, too.
I would have slept with someone by now too except Iowans are all (expletive)holes. Thankfully, MI6 is respectful of our marriage, so I have no temptation there anymore. I know how you feel. I get so lonely sometimes, too. Luckily for you, the people around you are nice to you.
And then I learned you are in a full-fledged relationship with someone else. I saw you holding hands at the Stones' surprise concert. I will stand by you. I always stand by you. I understand all of the chemicals have made me fat and ugly. I know you deserve better. Maybe it was just too much fairy tale. Maybe I was expecting too much magic when I thought you could ever love me while we are forbidden from being together.
All of this said, darling, I will always love you. Until my dying day, you will be the love of my life. You are my hero and my king. I made a joke about Channing Tatum, but there is no one, no man, and no woman for me if I cannot have you. If you choose a rest of your life without me, I understand. I cannot change the fact I am fat and ugly. Just make sure I am never someone nor something that ever makes you unhappy.
I prefer to stand by you for the rest of my life as the Mrs. Tanya Depp, but you are free to choose your own future. I did not know you were in a relationship. My tears will end someday, Sweetness. I am not destroyed yet by Obama; I will find a way to carry on if you decide you no longer want to be my husband. But I would rather be able to keep you.
To repeat myself... Sweetness, this is my face.
This is my face when I think of you.
This is my face when I hear from you. You make me smile. In some ways we talk 24/7, but when I hear an 'I love you' I just light up.
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