Friday, March 26, 2010

This is the email I have been trying to send to my mother for WEEKS! Please note that my snail-mail address has changed already... You are going to have to ask me yourselves to find out what it is.

From: Squid Varilekova []
Sent: 3/16/2010 10:04:20 AM
Subject: Hi, Mom! I finally have a new email address!!!


Did you have a good Mother's Day (UK)? Yeah, I'm in housing for asylum seekers in Liverpool right now. I hope you are doing better than last I saw you. Did you get the fax and email I sent you since arriving? When I finally have an address, I want you to come visit me and your family up in Scotland. I hope you will.

Speaking of which, do you know how to reach your family in Scotland, still? I know you send them Christmas cards every year. I should probably tell them, "Hello!" at the very least.

Oh, and do you remember that last Western Union that you sent to me in Mexico City? Do you mind telling Western Union (You can either just stop in the office where you sent it from or call their 800 number.) that I am in the UK, now? Or, if you prefer, you can request a refund. Please just let me know which you choose. I love you. Thank you for always helping me, even if it means the US government calls you and harrasses you about it. Did I spell that correctly?

Oh, and the thing about wanting my permission to move my objects around in the States... Do you remember when I called you and asked you specifically to keep the house safe? Because all of my childhood memorabelia is in that house? Please stop giving away things from that house to St. Vincent de Paul. Please trust me when I say that you are sitting on a goldmine of my childhood memories. I know the US government is making it very difficult for you to make financial ends meet in that house right now, but if you would set aside a few things from our childhoods and possibly have them professionally appraised before (and I know you have never done this before) putting them up for auction or putting them on eBay, you will finally be able to pay to maintain the house AND pay all of the taxes the government slaps you both with every year.

Please consider having my original Nintendo ES appraised... or maybe the family TI Basic... but definitely NOT both. Please wait on the Barbie dolls and My Little Ponies for an absolute emergency... but I know that my electronic drum set with the original drumsticks in still in the laundry room... please don't try to repair it first. Dad might want somebody to look at your first car, the still all original '71 Charger that sits in the warehouse. I know you already gave away our childhood (antique player) piano against my best wishes, but our indestructible childhood Sesame Street playset from Fisher Price is one of those things (and I know the Ernie pegdoll is still in the basement behind the dresser) that you should be protecting with your life about now. That said, please don't let anybody in my bedroom. Some of the original sock puppets from "The Darned" are even in there. Please take care.

Also, when you finally make arrangements to move my belonging arounds that are still in California... and I already know that Tara has been in my storage unit at least once because she took the Wilson Hammer you used when we were kids and put it in her closet in LA... you have my expressed permission to do so... so long as...

1.) entire LP collection is given to Erik "'Dabs" Sandall. The collection includes the LPs in my former room (including the Beatles LPs) in SF, and also my "The Muppet Movie" soundtrack, "Sesame Street Fever" from your basement, original "Thriller" by Michael Jackson (Mine is the one with someone else's name on it in marker that I procured at the Salvation Army while in undergrad; the other one is Tara's.), and the pristine "Never Mind the Bollocks" and "In Through the Out Door" that are in my childhood bedroom in your house still. Well, give please give him my 45s, as well.

2.) ... you mail my Moetai (the small tiki god given to me by a native to the Marquesas that sits on the dresser in my former rented room in SF) to Mr. Johnny Depp c/o the Viper Room on Sunset Boulevard in West Hollywood. I suppose you could also send it to any French Embassy, but the Viper Room address has certain dancefloor poetics for me. He should be expecting it by the time it arrives.

3.) ... my red trenchcoat and busted up old tablet computer are given to Drew Harrington, the younger brother of Joe Harrington. He will make sure they are given to the Smithsonian Museum system for me.

4.) ... you send me my clothes (yes, including the pants I barely ever wear), makeup, and shoes. I have no idea how long it will be before I have enough money here to buy myself a new pair of shoes. The address I will be at for the next two or three weeks is...

Tanya H. A. Varilek
a.k.a. Squid B. Varilekova
23 Percy Street
Helen House 16
Birley Court
L8 7LT

If you send them to arrive any later than two weeks from now, I have no idea where they will end up or if I will ever receive them... and I could really use that warm winter coat you bought me when you were in CA to see me.

5.) ... the contents of my 5' x 5' storage unit (primarily consisting of academic books and epic literature) be moved into my childhood bedroom in your house.

THANKS! I love you! Please take better care of yourself!


Saturday, March 20, 2010

It is now March 20th, and I still have not been able to find a legal representative for my asylum plea.

Yes, the process started when I was finally able to access some form of human interaction in the Yarl's Wood Immigration Removal Center. The ever-interesting gave me 160 pages of supposed immigration solicitors and how to contact them; sadly, reading the list left me feeling more sexually harassed than anything else. When I visited the Home Office here in Liverpool on this last Wednesday morning and was informed that I have my asylum interview on this next Monday morning, I was also told that the Home Office would be mailing a letter to me with the name of a solicitor here in town willing to legally represent me. That envelope has still not arrived, and it is Saturday afternoon. That's not so surprising. I never receive any post. (Look! I have been long enough that I have started using British English... what a redundant phrase!) My eccentricity on this topic is about to show: Please tell the Royal Princes that, yes, I did already send Madonna two girl-talk letters with no response recieved, but I feel a little inappropriate about sending them any more mail until I hear back first. It is only proper to wait.

Back on topic, my search for a solicitor ended yesterday afternoon without success despite all of the faxed inquiries I sent for over a week and a half when I received one solitary email response from the barrister who is also seemingly the director of the Cambridge Immigration Legal Centre. Chronologically, our conversation went as follows...

-----Original Message-----
fname: Tanya Hedelisa Albon

sname: Varilek

bdate: 12/10/1977

nationality: USA

telephone: no mobile yet


address: temporary housing for asylum seekers
23 Percy Street
Helen House #16
Birley Court
L8 7LT

status_in_uk: Temporary_Leave_to_Remain


enq: Greetings,

I am in the asylum seeking process here in the UK. I arrived on 08MAR2010, wrote on my immigration paper that I was here to seek asylum away from the US government and all it can influence to harm me, was told I was to be in the DFT system, and was detained at both Colnsbrook and Yarl's Wood. Last Friday, 12MAR2010, I was released to the asylum housing system and have been here in Liverpool at Birley Court ever since. I just received my asylum interview date from the Home Office; I will present my reasons for seeking humanitarian protection here in the UK at the Home Office in Liverpool on Monday, 22MAR2010, at 1PM. Having never practiced law anywhere in my life but being pretty good with anything that needs to follow a logical structure, I know I need to find legal representation and advice for this asylum claim. I am financially destitute, but I am sure you are used to that from asylum claimants asking for your help. I cannot yet afford a mobile phone, but I do have a SIM card I procured while in Yarl's Wood. Contacting me through post or email would be best. Do you believe you can help me?

Thank you for your time and attention,
Tanya H. A. Varilek a.k.a. Squid B. Varilekova

P.S. contains barely anything that the US government has done to me, but it contains my arguments for my own human rights to be reinstated that made them attack me all the more. It makes more sense when read chronologically. Please do not miss November, January, nor February. I plan to update it once I have a free moment to do so.

validation: ZR0QY

ref: TV21263

submit: Submit
This is a user Enquiry from
-----END Message-----

-----Original Message-----
From: []
Sent: 3/18/2010 8:48:12 AM
Subject: Re: Enquiry Form

Dear Tanya,

Thank you for your enquiry. You have send us a link and we have briefly looked at it for few seconds. It contains a lot of information which would require a substantial time to read and one MAY NOT after reading the same follow the logic. We note you are a logical person.

Would you please help us to help you by giving us a brief explanation of:

(1) why you are being persecuted in the USA? and

(2) most importantly, what exactly do you want from us by way of advise?

We cannot give you the best possible advise UNLESS we have a good understand of your reasons for seeking asylum and exactly what you want from us by way of advise.

Please note that although we give our intial advise for free, we are NOT legal aid service providers and therefore, we would not be able to help you any further FOR FREE after given you the FREE ADVISE. So, please make the most and best use of this privilege.

Best wishes

Mohammed Alabi LLB(Hons.)Barrister
Director, CILC
-----END Message-----

At this point, I asked myself what could ever make anybody so snarky to a financially desitute woman pleading for guaranteed physical safety in a foreign country, particularly if the barrister had never met the woman before. I mustered all of my polite tact to email him back...

-----Original Message-----

Because you are not willing to represent me in my plea for political asylum here in the UK, I will not be able to speak with you on these matters. I am only able to speak with legal representatives willing to be bound by rules of confidentiality with my extremely legally sensitive situation. If the US government had been trying to kill you in publicly acknowledged ways that no one ever acknowledged to your face ever since since May of 2009, you would understand. I now regret choosing the Cambridge Immigration Legal Centre as my first and almost only choice for representation. Thank you for impeding my ability to locate a suitable solicitor. Please take care.

--Tanya Hedelisa Albon Varilek
-----END Message-----

Sometimes, I impress myself on just how polite I can be. I, of course, have received no response. As a result, I spent last night in a pub up by the University if Liverpool doing my own human rights research for my asylum interview. I read and made notes on the Convention of Human Rights and Fundamental Freedoms of the Council of Europe.

Hey look at that! Even as a non-citizen of the UK, just by being here, I am guaranteed personal privacy for myself and my correspondence, a right to not be murdered, a prohibition from being tortured or a slave, a freedom of assembly and association, and a whole ton of other things including the "Right to an Effective Remedy" if any of these or any other guaranteed rights are being infringed upon by any government, authority, or person as described in Section 1, Article 13. I really like that last one.

There is also a "Prohibition of Imprisonment Over Debt" paragraph that was added in Strasbourg, 16.IX.1963, Article 1. Though it is nice to know it is there, I am pretty sure it does not apply to me since the only outstanding debt anybody has told me that I currently have is the $25.13 electric and gas bill on the recordbooks of Pacific Gas & Electric for the room I used to rent in San Fransico from roughly the months of December 2009 to March 2010. Yes, yes, I know... I have barely any discernible carbon footprint.

On my list of other things causing my dismay is the inability of my account to function almost at all these days. I cannot even seem to look at my own facebook wall after I login. Hello? This considered a NORMAL feature of having ANY facebook account! Most distressingly, I cannot seem to view anything but the non-chronologically listed items placed in my "News Feed" for me. Hello? You tell me I have messages! Why is it I cannot read them?

Well, I should probably proofread this an be on my way. Being actively denied a both timely medical attention and a legal representative by forces that will not identify themselves to me has left me with a great deal of legal human rights research to do by Monday afternoon.

I have never let the US government terrorize me into being forced to break the law, do anything even slightly morally questionable, or even not being my completely natural self. Why should you? Please take care out there.

Friday, March 19, 2010

In yet a third country and still trying to find out how to obtain any medical attention...

I'm sure I will figure it out eventually. I doubt the US government can convince the entire medical community here in the UK to deny me any and all medical attention of any acceptible quality like they did in the States (almost entirely) ever since(at the very least) May 2009. You mean, nobody told you why the medical community in the States ended up in such a condition over me? It was because they actively denied me medical attention at the request of the US government instead of doing their actual jobs correctly by being oathbound doctors and nurses. I mean, really, they even charged all three of my medical insurances for refusing to treat me. How was that supposed to make sense? I am a human being (who sometimes likes to say she is one of the last of the Gelflings... guess who the boy Gelfling is... It's also why I have wings...), and really ought to be treated with the basic respect ANY human being is due.