This is the email I have been trying to send to my mother for WEEKS! Please note that my snail-mail address has changed already... You are going to have to ask me yourselves to find out what it is.

From: Squid Varilekova [varilekova@peacemail.com]
Sent: 3/16/2010 10:04:20 AM
To: varilek.dina@principal.com
Cc: dina@varilek.com
Subject: Hi, Mom! I finally have a new email address!!!


Mom!!!

Did you have a good Mother's Day (UK)? Yeah, I'm in housing for asylum seekers in Liverpool right now. I hope you are doing better than last I saw you. Did you get the fax and email I sent you since arriving? When I finally have an address, I want you to come visit me and your family up in Scotland. I hope you will.

Speaking of which, do you know how to reach your family in Scotland, still? I know you send them Christmas cards every year. I should probably tell them, "Hello!" at the very least.

Oh, and do you remember that last Western Union that you sent to me in Mexico City? Do you mind telling Western Union (You can either just stop in the office where you sent it from or call their 800 number.) that I am in the UK, now? Or, if you prefer, you can request a refund. Please just let me know which you choose. I love you. Thank you for always helping me, even if it means the US government calls you and harrasses you about it. Did I spell that correctly?

Oh, and the thing about wanting my permission to move my objects around in the States... Do you remember when I called you and asked you specifically to keep the house safe? Because all of my childhood memorabelia is in that house? Please stop giving away things from that house to St. Vincent de Paul. Please trust me when I say that you are sitting on a goldmine of my childhood memories. I know the US government is making it very difficult for you to make financial ends meet in that house right now, but if you would set aside a few things from our childhoods and possibly have them professionally appraised before (and I know you have never done this before) putting them up for auction or putting them on eBay, you will finally be able to pay to maintain the house AND pay all of the taxes the government slaps you both with every year.

Please consider having my original Nintendo ES appraised... or maybe the family TI Basic... but definitely NOT both. Please wait on the Barbie dolls and My Little Ponies for an absolute emergency... but I know that my electronic drum set with the original drumsticks in still in the laundry room... please don't try to repair it first. Dad might want somebody to look at your first car, the still all original '71 Charger that sits in the warehouse. I know you already gave away our childhood (antique player) piano against my best wishes, but our indestructible childhood Sesame Street playset from Fisher Price is one of those things (and I know the Ernie pegdoll is still in the basement behind the dresser) that you should be protecting with your life about now. That said, please don't let anybody in my bedroom. Some of the original sock puppets from "The Darned" are even in there. Please take care.

Also, when you finally make arrangements to move my belonging arounds that are still in California... and I already know that Tara has been in my storage unit at least once because she took the Wilson Hammer you used when we were kids and put it in her closet in LA... you have my expressed permission to do so... so long as...

1.) ...my entire LP collection is given to Erik "'Dabs" Sandall. The collection includes the LPs in my former room (including the Beatles LPs) in SF, and also my "The Muppet Movie" soundtrack, "Sesame Street Fever" from your basement, original "Thriller" by Michael Jackson (Mine is the one with someone else's name on it in marker that I procured at the Salvation Army while in undergrad; the other one is Tara's.), and the pristine "Never Mind the Bollocks" and "In Through the Out Door" that are in my childhood bedroom in your house still. Well, give please give him my 45s, as well.

2.) ... you mail my Moetai (the small tiki god given to me by a native to the Marquesas that sits on the dresser in my former rented room in SF) to Mr. Johnny Depp c/o the Viper Room on Sunset Boulevard in West Hollywood. I suppose you could also send it to any French Embassy, but the Viper Room address has certain dancefloor poetics for me. He should be expecting it by the time it arrives.

3.) ... my red trenchcoat and busted up old tablet computer are given to Drew Harrington, the younger brother of Joe Harrington. He will make sure they are given to the Smithsonian Museum system for me.

4.) ... you send me my clothes (yes, including the pants I barely ever wear), makeup, and shoes. I have no idea how long it will be before I have enough money here to buy myself a new pair of shoes. The address I will be at for the next two or three weeks is...

Tanya H. A. Varilek
a.k.a. Squid B. Varilekova
23 Percy Street
Helen House 16
Birley Court
Liverpool
L8 7LT

If you send them to arrive any later than two weeks from now, I have no idea where they will end up or if I will ever receive them... and I could really use that warm winter coat you bought me when you were in CA to see me.

5.) ... the contents of my 5' x 5' storage unit (primarily consisting of academic books and epic literature) be moved into my childhood bedroom in your house.

THANKS! I love you! Please take better care of yourself!

--TanTan