Monday, August 30, 2010

The Feeling of Dance as Meditation.

When my body moves, two things might happen. With small daily activities such as doing the dishes, pacing, or detailing over needlepoint, my thinking focuses. My subconscious can work through any problem, if my body could just distract my conscious mind from the issue. But if I take up something more athletic such as making love or dancing, my mind moves beyond thinking through a problem. Instead, my mind clears.

Let us consider the dance as meditation. It starts when I hear the music. The music moves my body; then there becomes no distinction. Soon there is no boundary between me, the music, and the dance. We simply are together in one place in time. And then my mind is silent. The musician gestures.

But I fear when the musician watches, for when the musician joins the trance of dancing, it all ceases and nothing continues. I feel I need a divide between me and the musician or the music will stop. Oddly, the musician is one with the music. The music is one with the dance. The dance is one with the music and me, but I cannot be one with the musician. We need separate mental spaces. I warn them all not to look directly into the light.

And when the music gestures, I would love to say I feel it move me… but I feel nothing but the music itself. I simply am… right there… at that point in space and time in the universe… feeling the music spin on its axis. When the music plays and I find myself, I exist at one with my time and space. I am at peace.

And then comes the part that, from what I can tell, must be the same for all successful forms of therapy—- the sublime evaporation of pain and suffering that leaves behind the residue of life and experience. I am no longer one that is suffering but have become one that suffered… well, at least, until they make me suffer again. It is the only way I have found to be able to alive—- free of the burden of it all but the memory. After all, it is our experiences that make us—- we cannot be without them—- but we can only live on without the pain, the sorrow, and the suffering.

This is how I overcome the suffering. This is the release of my pain to nothing but memory. This is the end of the torture until they begin it again.

And after I dance, I find I can think. Again, I can dream. Yes, again I can write, I can speak, and I can solve.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Please stay strong and united, my beautiful world.

Please stay strong and united. I need your support. If I am sent to Iowa, I will need this world's support all that much more. If I choose to go, though reluctantly, I would be in order to protect my mother.

Now, don't forget-- there are no direct flights from the United Kingdom to Des Moines. I will have to have a layover in Chicago or New York or another similar city... What if the locals stood up and decided to keep me safe?

Iowa will be the next Wigan unless the people of Iowa stand up against the federal government and its policies of self-terrorism. There is no excuse for suffering just because the US government wants you to. Also, there is no excuse for poisoning my food or drink ever again; just as, there is no excuse for enduring a poisoned water supply. There is no excuse for mistreating me just to be near me. There is definitely no excuse for refusing to tell me the truth when you look me in the eye. You deserve your rights as people, as well. Iowa has no excuse for going along with any of the mistreatment the federal government wants for me or them.

I love seeing people and nations stand up against tyranny. Equality. What a beautiful word! If Iran can stand up to DC and insist on being treated respectfully, why can the American people not do the same? Why is it that the America people have not yet stood up to DC and taken their country back? America, I worry. Please take the country back.

There has been an explosion in Mexico. As always, trace the culpable parties to make sure you find the source of the violence. Always make sure blame lands only where it is really due. It is the only way to ensure we remove the corrupt powers that be. Yes, my heart is with the survivors and their road of healing. But to prevent this from happening again, find out why it really happened and remove that corrupt influence.

The world is still turning. There have always been problems and there always will be problems. It is my goal to offer guidance to help resolve them. I also know that I need to see humanity through global climate change. That is a crisis that humanity did not bring on itself.

Please stay strong and united, my beautiful world. We still need to see an end to all of this. We need to bring humanity through global climate change in a peaceful world. We need an end to the world violence and human-inflicted suffering as best we can. I am relying on you to take care of that part. I can do the rest.

My Father is no Hero.

As long as my father is controlled by the US government, he cannot be trusted. As long as the people of Iowa look me in the face and refuse to tell me the truth, they are part of the problem. This world needs healing, but if they comply with the US government’s reign of terror, they are more than part of the problem... They ARE the problem.

I am safer in this torture facility than I would ever be in Iowa. Did they buy out the state, again? Do you remember how I was denied all medical care while I was there last year? How many crisis intakes did I have while there? I had one every time I could get myself to a hospital after I was violated IN MY PARENTS’ HOUSE. And still, Iowa denied me ALL CARE. Rape victims need medical care.

Do you remember how I was physically attacked by June and July when I asked for a rape kit? And how the rape kit found live sperm in my urethra? That was how I was treated when last I lived in my parents’ house. I had nowhere to go for safety. I will have nowhere to go for safety if I am sent back.

I am a married, 32 year-old, French citizen, yet the Polk County Courthouse in Des Moines, IA just decided that my abusive father has adult guardianship over me. I can only imagine what horrors my father has planned for my return.

Do you remember how I was last treated by the people of Iowa? I was terrorized by them. How many illicit drugs did they put in my system when I went out for food or coffee? They even roofied me in the cafeteria of the Mercy Franklin Medical Center. If the people of Iowa do not learn to stand up against the federal government, they will do nothing but terrorize me again. Did you ever wonder how I survived ThunderDome in Wigan, UK? It was because I had already survived Iowa.

How many things have I tried to save my father? Yet, he refuses to be saved. He refuses to do anything but be controlled by the federal government and want my harm. If he would acknowledge the truth and think anything through on his own, he would know that I am right, but he does not live in reality. I know that the mandate is coming that I must return to his rape house.

I am safer in this torture facility than I would ever be in Iowa... unless the people of Iowa are willing to stand against the federal government finally. Yet, I might go from this hell to the ever deeper reaches of hell if it is the only way to save my mother. My father cannot be trusted. He is no hero.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Hypothetically Speaking... -- Now in three installments!

Hypothetically speaking… a writing exercise in case science fiction becomes reality… (January 2010)

Let us suppose that a certain circumstance becomes real. Let us suppose that a horrific wrong could be committed by a governing body against an entire people. Let us suppose that the sort of terrors usually reserved for the farthest reaches of science fiction might possibly be manifested and executed by the most despicable of authorities in our real world. Well then, here is some advice, in case the chips placed inside my person against my will should somehow appear in your body as well.

1.) Whenever possible, do not invite a nano or even microchip into your body at any time. It does not matter what the government or the government’s representative promises it will do for you. You have no idea what else it might do, if they might ever actually remove it, nor why they really want it inserted into your body.
2.) Should that you find one in your ears giving you voices that are not your own, do not trust what they say is the source of said voices. Always question any commands you receive. Do not trust that you will only hear the truth. Do not allow them to force you to kill yourself; you are too valuable alive and as an agent for good in the world who might help prevent this from happening to anyone else.
3.) Do not instantly do the opposite of what they tell you to do, either. That is also allowing the voices to control you. Simply evaluate everything you hear for yourself. Seek advice from experts if necessary. Should that you believe they give you a good suggestion, follow through in your own way; do it right.
4.) Find other people with similar technology illegally inserted into or illegally taken advantage of being inserted into your body, and organize. Do no do this near me. I know for a fact that the bugs in my ears send information straight to the only governing authority that could be capable of this. Do not give away your plans for fixing this.
5.) I already stated that you should not allow them to convince you of any lies, but definitely do not allow them to lie to you about how to end this yourself by doing something they tell you to do. Any governing body that might be so snake-tongued as to convince you to welcome an established form of torture upon yourself cannot be trusted. If they tell you that you must, for random example, allow yourself to be raped, become a prostitute, or commit any other sort of horrific crime against yourself to end your being tortured, those are the things you should make a record of and take special care not fall prey to. No governing authority if properly functioning should force any persons to commit any egregious wrongs to others or themselves unless said wrongs are on a battlefield after a legal proclamation of war.

Should that it be true that the governing body that has made me its victim in more ways than just placing its own voices in my ears attempt to wrong you in any of the other physically, mentally, or emotionally violent ways in which it has wronged me, do everything you can fathom to stop it. Do not endure for the sake of enduring. I never do.

For further advice on how our government should be functioning to serve its people, please consult the Constitution of the United States of America. ( Our country IS our people; not to mention, the power of our country IS the power of our people.

Huh, how was that for a daily writing exercise? I wonder where the idea came from... I wonder if anyone might ever find it useful... I have heard it said before that sometimes fiction is better at getting to the truth of a situation that nonfiction is. Oh yeah, and all friends tagged in this silly thing are randomly chosen.

Hypothetically Speaking--THE SEQUEL!… (April 2010)

Let us imagine that a certain science fiction becomes reality—a situation where a propaganda machine driven by a childlike need to feel important by degrading others, a never-ending ability to create national debts, and a thorough catalogue of personal inadequacies that in aggregate verge on neurotic and completely irrational beliefs in any self-worth is born to create a self-destructive competition among its own conspirators to become the first world dictator.

Well, let us suppose that this conspiracy-born-of-personal-inadequacy were to decide to just lie about an individual almost constantly in order to manipulate the emotions of the public and then, out of complete cowardice, never allow her to know about it. Let us suppose that they even drive entire nations, cultures, and populations to the brink of ruin in order to make fake phone calls off of her mobile number and to maintain that there could be no way for her to know about it.

There are many steps to dealing with this. First of all, if you hear something, verify that it is real and accurate. Otherwise, you might believe someone you care about deeply is dead instead of just enduring her parents trying to abduct from ORD - Chicago O’Hare while they are under the false pretences that they are able to make ANY legal or medical decisions for her and that placing her in a mental ward against her will (so that a certain vile subset of the US executive branch may torture and murder her in the privacy of their own facilities) would really be for the best of their nation, bank account, and world. If I were to ever hear of that, I would send that woman’s parents as much non-quack-based mental health attention as possible and the means to remove that certain subset of the executive branch’s abilities to control them and their reality.

In verifying that what you hear may or may not be real or accurate, it helps to ask for the source of the information and to verify whether or not the source of the information is reliable. It also helps to make a note of the things you hear that may or may not be real, where you hear them, when you hear them, an from whom you hear them and then compare notes with your friends and families in different geographic locations. I know I have said it at least once already: You can’t fool all of the people all of the time; especially if you have to tell different lies in different place in order to be able to do it.

This, of course, normally leads to what I refer to as Reality Bubbles. For example, only certain sorts of news are allowed into a certain country turning it into a fascist, terrorist state where the population lives in fear of… essentially… nothing real. The government just does it in order to keep the truth out and other truths in. It is easier to control a population if you control what they are and are not allowed to know and believe instead of allowing it to be their choice. This is a much faster path for a group of conspirators laden with the frustrations of their aforementioned personal inadequacies to drive the planet into chaos and anarchy in order to impose one of themselves (the last to survive the power struggle) as the first planetary dictator.

The dawning of the fascist, terrorist regime that is built on controlling what entire countries are and are not allowed to know is most definitely best battled through honest communication. Tell people you know and trust through reliable means of communication the things you actually know for real or that come from actually reliable sources of factual information.

And, as I said in the first installment of “Hypothetically speaking…” do NOT let them put chips in your head. Mine were all stuck inside my body against my will, and I am still laboring to have them all completely removed. That is just your giving up your human rights voluntarily as well as all of your abilities to make any choices for yourself, have any novel ideas, or even be capable of independent thought.

There you have it. That is how you fight a propaganda machine. You do not allow yourself to believe it.

Then, if you have the extra drive, you take some time to figure out why they are giving you those particular lies to you in order to manipulate you. That is the extra credit on the homework project … You know, the homework project of it-actually-takes-some-work-to-keep-your-home-country-community-and-world safe. Enjoy the assignment! You get to keep what you learn.

And if anybody would like to further discuss this science-fictional future I have described here, just drop me a line and let me know. I hear (through the chips in my head) that my science fiction ideas are really quite popular.

Hypothetically Speaking – Take Three! The government cannot protect you because they are the ones who attack... (August 2010)

The British government has already tried to end all of humanity rather than face any form of justice for its crimes. The British government has already launched missiles against America. In a breathtaking miracle, the fallout was diverted and the following missiles sent into space. But who saved humanity? And how did they punish her for thwarting them?

It is now months later, and we are caught in the death throes of corrupt governments and the people who pull their strings. As they try to avoid any and all accountability for their explicit culpability, the governments are terrorizing their own people. They lie to be able to do it. They lie to get away with it. They lie to place the blame on someone innocent for all of their own destruction.

Now, the British government is bombing London in order to create a fictional, violent enemy for themselves. Just like the bomb that Homeland Security put in the lonely heroine’s side yard when she had first obtained the world’s attention, government self-terrorism is the policy of the day. The British government cannot bear to be held accountable for its own actions. They are trying to invent a new fictional enemy to blame.

But what happened to the heroine? What happened to the lady trying to stop it all? She was caught espousing truths that the government did not want to acknowledge are real. So, they pretend she is crazy. They have locked her into a psych ward where they torture her horrifically rather than admit to her face she is right. Yet, as more and more people learn and believe she has been right all along, the more desperate the corrupt forces become.

And to punish her more, they tear apart her home. They tear apart America. California refuses to comply with the US government’s policies of terrorizing her, and they fall into a federal-government-wrought state of emergency because of it. The corrupt forces that pull the governments’ strings would rather see the world end than public accountability, and they are ending the world starting with the parts she loves most. But America has learned to stand strong. Did they learned it from her, or did she learn it from them?

And where are the people? Where are the British people while she is tortured in plain sight? They spend all day expecting someone else to save them. “Who am I?” They ask themselves. “Who am I to be able to fix this?” So, she screams at them in every way she knows how, “YOU ARE THE PEOPLE!”

She cannot figure out why they just choose to suffer and refuse to do the right thing. She cannot figure out why they say they support her, but refuse to actually do anything to break her out; it just takes enough people. She cannot figure out why they refuse to even save themselves. The government cannot protect the people because the government is the one who attacks them. “No one will save you but yourselves.”

Friday, August 27, 2010

Hanging on with an Internet Connection

Yes, as you can see, I am hanging in here. Nobody has killed me yet, and I still have just enough of an internet connection to get these worldly things taken care of. Please remember that just about all of the world’s news is kept away from me, so if an important story does not show up as a link, odds are that I was not allowed to see that one.

And now for my outgoing mail update... I just posted a pile of my artwork from my Occupational Therapy sessions to my husband, the Mr. Johnny Depp a.k.a. my Mr. Love-of-my-Life. I also plan to have a pressing letter for my mom in the mail first thing Monday morning. As for celebrity letters, yes, I am writing them again. I should have a big batch ready just as soon as my ink-slinging gets back up to speed.

I am still expecting mail and packages from my mom, Alloy, and Vistaprint. My Alloy package full of pretty new dresses is probably overdue considering when they shipped it, but it does have to come from the States. I hear that getting anything through customs to me is a pain. I should have probably ordered the new clothes from a store in the UK instead, but I can’t change that now.

I am a bit worried that the British are pretending that they do not know what a Power of Attorney is. Just in case they actually do not, I shall remind them. In the land of medical-legal terms, a Power of Attorney is the person who makes all if the decisions about care that the patient would normally make if the patient were not deemed medically incompetent to make her own medical decisions. I was deemed medically incompetent to make my own medical decisions in order for them to lock me into this hell. That means that my Power of Attorney must be consulted about EVERY medical decision made about my care. I presented them with my notarized Power of Attorney paperwork and Final Will and Testament upon my arrival here. I chose very dear friends who are all very knowledgeable of my medical history as my Powers of Attorney, yet the British medical community still refuses to contact them.

As far as my finances are concerned, being the responsible adult that I am, I expanded the powers of my Power of Attorney to make ALL legal decisions on my behalf if I ever end up in ANY situation where I cannot make those decisions myself. The papers were witnessed and notarized in October 2009 while I was feeling my mortality. To complicate this, though, I did not sign a prenuptial agreement that would keep any of my money or belongings away from my husband.

That means half of everything I own is his. It is not that he gets the left red satin t-strap stiletto and I the right one. No, no, no. This means he gets half of the left stiletto AND half of the right stiletto. He gets half of every single solitary object or coin I own. I prefer it that way.

As far as I am concerned, he also gets anything he wants. And if I can figure it out, he can have it even before he asks.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

The Undrinkable Water in this Place is so Much of the Problem.

The hot drink machine, the water cooler, and all of the taps: They all spout undrinkable liquids. No matter how much we complain, no one ever fixes them. What are we supposed to do? Dehydrate completely?

As for the injection tortures, all they have to do is decide not to torture me. There is no gun to their heads making them fill me with chemicals that make death crawl across my body with every needleful. They do this by choice. They premeditate and organize every attack. They try to hide that they do it. The syringe-weilding medical staff knows what they do is torture.

As for this internet connection, my friend leaves soon who lends me this computer. We do not know yet which day, but the papers are signed and filed. I will communicate all I can before he goes away. I am deeply grateful to him for allowing me all of this time with you.

My faith is in humanity to free me from this hell. Please, all of you, keep all of your pressure on lonely, tiny England until their bubble pops and until I am delivered to the loving arms of my husband, the Mr. Johnny Depp a.k.a. my Mr. Love-of-my-Life. That is not the end of this journey. That will be just the beginning of all I can do in this world.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Some Unexpected Random Thoughts...

Since the word processor (or lack thereof) on this machine prevents me from writing the short story I wanted to spin out from prompts for you all, here are some other things on my mind today.

Humanity can endure so much, but what makes us survive? What wakes us up after each moment exhaustion pushed us past the very brink of sleep to drown us in its inky depths to live another day with nothing but suffering or, depending on the situation, nothing at all but a fight? What makes us "Hold on!"? What makes us defend our natural and human need to stay alive? There were times even I wished I could have just given in and died to end it. But I cannot be anything but myself, and here I am still alive and still not suicidal. What is it that keeps us all so alive?

New Orleans, you know I would have been there by now if I could just finally have my human rights. Thank you for building those levees to hold back our increasing Water Cycle. Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for being prepared by keeping your beautiful people (and city) safe. May your Spanish moss and wrought iron never need to be uprooted.

Freedom. Elusive freedom. Where do you hide from me? Or are you still on your journey looking for me, too, behind every distant tree branch that you just cannot yet reach? I know you did not scurry under a rock to keep company with my fake medical staff in this candy-coated (to aid with swallowing) hell. You know you are too worthwhile for that. Darling freedom, do you speak semaphore? Can I guide you here from a passing ship by waving flags and screaming your name? Where are you, my long lost friend. I wait for you weeping with abused patience and empty hands.

Deliveries and A Writing Exercise

I am currently expecting mail and deliveries from my mom, Bravissimo, Alloy, Amazon, and Vistaprint. Yes, I just picked out new undies and designed new business cards for myself.

Here is my only-once-daily-if-ever writing exercise!

The Five Writing Prompts
1.) the word "always"
2.) a dismembered rose
3.) a boxing venue
4.) balls (bouncy)
5.) a tapping noise

After I read some news, I plan on writing something new. I'll post what I come up with here.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

One More Note for New York City

I know that you and I, New York City, have both been in a high-hoped rush to get me, at last, to see the US Open Tennis Championship live and in person this September. Just remember, more than one French citizen has attended the championship in the past. When I speak with people from the States, though, they are still gagged from speaking the truth and their minds with me. You all, as Americans, are due all of your human rights and freedoms, as well. I know I will not and cannot be safe in my beautiful United States of America as long as you are not free either. If you are not allowed to look me in the face and acknowledge the truth, I cannot feel safe among you; there is still too much nefarious wrongdoing afoot if that is the case. Please take care, New York. You and all American people are so dear to my heart. Please make my beautiful America safe enough for me to be in again someday. Please tell my home of San Francisco I will be there as soon as is safely humanly possible.

A Last Push at Dispensing my Opinions

Again, my friend who lends me this computer is probably leaving tomorrow, and again, I am not sure how long before they torture me again in here. With every injection, I feel death crawl over me. This is one of my last chances to leave my opinions here in writing for a while. I hope to make everything fit in this short window of internet time that I can.

Will Korea Reunify?
Korea was ripe with tensions recently. Their navies have been active with sinkings, captures, and drills, but they know full well that NOBODY wants World War Three to break out in their home. No people want their own home to be where the bombs drop. No people want their own home to be where the guns are fired and the soldiers die. No people want their home to see the ravages of war. If a love of humanity is not enough to keep peace in this world, a fear of war should be.

Mosque as Ground Zero
New York City has been torn lately over whether or not a Mosque should be built on Manhattan. I find the conflict to be a shame. There is no reason that a proudly diverse city such as New York should be torn apart over anything such as a demographic difference. I suggest that a building be designed that includes instead of singles out any religion nor any people. Why not build an as-inclusive-as-possible religious center to create pan-religious cultural understanding? Why not INCLUDE not only Christianity, Judaism, and Islam but also every other religion that can fit from Apache to Zoroastrian (roughly alphabetically speaking). There is so much to learn about your own religion that comes from understanding another. Why not teach instead of fight?

Viktor Bout
Julian Assange
It is a basic human right that we are innocent until proven guilty. There is a reason we need as-impartial-as-possible court systems to determine whether or not people are guilty (not whether or not they are innocent) by a jury of peers. Yes, I believe all rape allegations should be heavily investigated, but innocent-until-proven-guilty is something a free society cannot function without.

Russian and Somalian violence
Always make sure blame falls where it is actually due. Always find out why the violence really happened. This is the only way to prevent the terror from happening again. And in times of ongoing unrest, do everything possible to end the violence and human suffering first. Thoroughly talk out how to prevent it from happening again once the suffering has ended.

Even More Flooding in China
Even More Devastation in Pakistan
They used to keep weather reports away from me... as if that wouldn't have made me suspicious.

Finally, please remember that I can only tell the truth as I know it at the time I speak or write it. It is the fault of those that torture me if there are inconsistencies. My memories come and go with what drugs they put in my system and what horrors I endure.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Three Lost Communications


I just tried to leave a phone message at the French Embassy in London. I found that becoming lost in their phone system looking for someplace to leave a message was a great way to learn French... especially numbers. I know that this is the sort of thing I should have put into writing, but I am out of stamps and have not yet figured out a way to get more. Anyway, I wanted to leave them a message that went roughly as follows, except in my signature sultry voice...

"Bon jour, my name is Mrs. Tanya Hedelisa Albon Depp de Varilek, I know that is a mouthful in the Spanish naming tradition, also known as Ms. Squid B. Varilekova. My husband is a French citizen named Mr. Johnny Depp. (*giggle*) Perhaps you have heard of us.

I have written a few letters to Ambassador Maurice Gourdault-Montagne, but I now have a need to ask him and all of you for a new sort of help. I would really like to be put in the loving arms of my husband on French soil as soon as I can find a way out of this hospital in Liverpool, UK where I am kept against my will.

The EU's International Organization for Migration was going to help me return to the United States as soon as possible, but it required first that a doctor here at the hospital I am kept in admit that I am 'fit to travel.' She has yet to admit to such about me. The Organization has been arranging a way for me to travel home in the care of a licensed British psychiatrist. Instead of the States, I now feel I would be initially safest in the arms of my husband in France. Will and can you help me move to France?

The website for the International Organization for Migration is I frequently call them at 0800 ### #### in London where I speak with my case owner named S----.

There is a complication with this process involving my father in Iowa, USA. He is trying to force guardianship over me through the Polk County court system in Iowa in the United States, and he is the reason I do not yet feel I would be safe in the US. Polk County, obviously, has no jurisdiction over me. I moved out of Iowa permanently on June 8th, 2009. Sometimes stupid happens with things that concern me, though, and I find that I need your help as well asserting that I have a French husband whom I have asked to help arrange a French passport and French residency for me.

If necessary to keep my father at bay, I am even willing to ask my Power of Attorney and you to help arrange my husband as guardian over me, especially if it would help remove me from this hospital sooner.

As for deeming me 'fit to travel,' they like to pretend to have concerns over the length of the trip to San Francisco from here. A shorter trip to France instead also takes that excuse away from them as a reason to keep me here.

I know I do not yet understand the French language very well, but I am (*giggle*) a very quick learner of languages.

If possible, please contact me here at the The Windsor House Medical Facility in Liverpool at the number 0151 250 5300. The mailing address for me here is 40 Upper Parliament Street, Toxteth, Liverpool L8 7LF.  Thank you so much for all of your time and attention, and please take care."

Well, I do now plan to send them a letter stating all of that once I can manage to get my hands on some postage stamps.


I have also been trying to get my mother to send my tiki idol named Moetai to my husband for me. This is the third time I have requested politely that she send him. I know better than to put a deity in the mail, but what other way do I have right now?


There is also a gremlin in my email communications pretending to be my best friend Syniva Whitney. Here is what my last few emails with her email account have looked like...

Squid Varilekova to Syniva
7:43 PM (15 hours ago)


I sincerely hope this email reaches you. How are you? I hear you are moving! What is the good news from your life?

I am SO SORRY that my family is such a pain to you. I am still trying to fix that. My dad is currently trying to force guardianship over me. I know you probably don't want to have to deal with this problem, but would you like me to mail you the papers to keep you up to date with what is happening? I believe it should be taken care of Monday, but you never know with these things. Stupid sometimes runs rampant with things that concern me.

Please tell me some good news from your life.

Please take care,
-- TanTan a.k.a. Squiddie

"Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged!
Give me my sin again."


Here is the fake response from Syniva...

Syniva Whitney to me
5:25 AM (5 hours ago)


I did try to email you quite sometime ago that I do not have power of attorney for you and have communicated that to your parents. I consulted with a lawyer and sent your family a letter and copies of the will and power of attorney papers you sent to me last year. In the letter I stated that I do not want or have power of attorney in your case. I'm sorry I can't help you , and I truly believe that your parents love you and are trying to help you. I don't think it would be appropriate to send me any documentation. I do believe that you have been very sick for quite some time and I really hope that you get the care that you need. I'm trying to be as clear as I can be, and again I simply do not have the resources to help you. I think you are a wonderful person and I truly hope that you find the comfort, safety and love that you need in your life, you deserve it.


"Lipstick is not just for looking glamorous; it can be used to signal for help on windows and other surfaces." ---Nancy Drew

Clearly, there was no more to do than ask benevolent nerds to deliver all of my real messages to my best friend in all of the universe and beyond.

Squid Varilekova to Syniva
9:02 AM (1 hour ago)

You and I both know full well that Power of Attorney would have moved to Amita if Syniva did not feel comfortable with it.

Friday, August 20, 2010

My Internet Connection Will Soon Depart.

Soon, on either Monday or Wednesday, my friend who loans me this computer everyday will depart from this facility. I told him "Congratulations!", but I will miss him terribly. It is not so strange, really. They completely switch the patients with new ones on occasion around here.

These are some other odds and ends from the last few days in here...

Does anybody else remember my calling a Papa John's pizzeria in the Twin Cities in May 2009? They and the following Papa John's I called trying to get a pizza delivered to my little sister's home behaved so suspiciously that I ended up in the infamous psychiatric unit in Minneapolis. Well, I have since forgiven Papa John's for it. No, it is not just because of the quality assurance of the franchise; it is one of the few delivery places around here willing to accept my debit card. Thank you, Papa John's. You have saved me from many a painfully hungry night in here.

When they locked me in completely by taking away my ability to leave the building anymore. The pain I felt first was the inability to buy any more groceries for myself. (Why I have to spend my own money to have enough food to eat while locked into a "hospital" against my will is an issue all its own. Most inmates here go hungry day and night while here.) I have tried a few grocery delivery websites, but none of them know how to handle a billing address in the States. I am ready to order a palatte of bourbon cream cookies from a distributor; I get that hungry in here.

If you looked at me, though, you might not realize how hungry I get. This is because I am so bloated from the chemicals they torture my body with that I am almost unrecognizable. They want me tortured in here until I die, and my body is bearing the pain of their cruelty.

I have seen new staff all over the place in here. That disgusts me. Knowing full well that this is a torture facility, they honestly chose to be new torturers of mine. I hold each and every member of staff accountable for their vile actions. They cash their paychecks for this, after all. The only two I can excuse are Vinnie and Damian from the night shift. If I had permission to press torture charges, I would press them against all other members of day and night staff, and I would press criminal charges against the NHS without a blink of an eye. This is different from how I used to feel about the NHS. It is the only thing I can think of that might make them stop torturing me here before I die at their hands.

I know it is not normal for me to mention that I might die at all. But their murder of me is the only escape I can see for myself from this place. I fight it. Oh, how I fight it in the only ways I know how, but it is their only goal for me in here. They torture me to kill me as painfully as possibly, and my poor abused body is the still living record of all they do to me here. I would prefer to live and live untortured.

We will see if you, the beautiful world, can break me free before they kill me completely here. Let's be honest. Is there anything more I could have done with my time here on this planet?

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Some Help for the Planet before this Torture Facility Kills Me

Let's see how much help I can dispense before they succeed at killing me in here with their tortures.

First, it seems that the millions of dollars of aid pledged and sent to Pakistan is not arriving there. Do you remember how only three percent (3%) of the aid promised to Haiti made it to the people from February to July 2010? It seems like the same thing is happening again. The money is being sent, but where is it all actually going? It has not yet arrived with the needy people of Pakistan. If you ask Obama for a circle graph, will it say that the money "evaporated"?

Next, let us discuss the global economic crisis. I learned today about the ongoing economic crisis in Iceland. Much like I told Greece, the best way to save a faltered or faltering economy is by spending money and saving (or investing) money. Money needs to move around from person to person to business to business for an economy to exist at all. We also need to help money grow by investing it.

There is no better time to invest than when costs are low, but if you are too naturally cautious for anything but a savings account, try two savings accounts. Open an account with a local bank or what we call in the States a "credit union" to keep your local economy thriving. Also, if you trust them, open a savings account with a major national or international bank. This second account will give extra stability.

Spending money and saving money will save any economy, but only if the government and national financial institutions allow the economy to thrive. From what I can tell, Iceland is in the process of kicking out its corrupt government leaders.

If the US wants to save its economy, Americans need to do the same. Do you remember the failures that were the bailouts? Do you remember the financial details of the Health Care Abomination that they pretended was reform? Did you see Obama send more legislation through this summer concerning Wall Street and the effects it has had on the economy? Yes, the American people need to spend money and save money to save the economy, but they also need to kick out the Obama administration. Our current president has done nothing in office except bludgeon the economy into oblivion, win a peace prize for waging wars, rape a doe-eyed and innocent woman, terrorize everywhere I have lived in an effort to escape that torture, and tell us that oil can biodegrade in days. We need him and all he controls and all that controls him removed from power. Let's give our soldiers jobs to come home to when they finally have a chance to come home.

The parts of the global economic crisis that warm my heart are the countries whose leaders and people listen to good advice. Yes, all economies are connected. Yes, we can prevent total global economic ruin by keeping our own economies strong. China listens. So do as various other countries as Iran and Nigeria. Have you seen their economies grow? That is what happens when you have a government that actually wants a thriving and healthy economy. From what I can tell, Russia getting itself into gear has been interrupted by fires.

Finally, let’s keep all of the pressure as possible on tiny England to demand my freedom from this still active torture facility. Yes, I am prepared to die in here at the nurses' hands, but I would prefer to see my beautiful world before I go.

Thank you, those who listen and those who act. I apologize if I have been at all confusing. I am still being tortured in here.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Their Injection Torture has Begun Again

Please pardon if I do not make too coherent of sense right now. It feels like there is glue in my brain.

I was dragged to the floor in the common room at 2:30 this afternoon, and staff stuck two needles full of toxins in my backside. I am confined here to make sure I cannot get to help. They want me tortured here until I die.

They still refuse to acknowledge that I am a political hostage in an ACTIVE torture facility. Yet in a medical situation, each individual member of the medical team is accountable for every one of his or her own actions. There is no such thing as "I was just doing what I was told to do." Instead, each individual staff member is obligated to do what is actually best for the patient. My hell has become exponentially worse, and they cannot blame their chain of command for it.

There is clearly no political solution that the British government will honor that would involve my having any human rights, least of all physical safety. This situation requires that I be physically rescued from this very well established torture facility. I trust that you will all do whatever it takes to get me to safety.

They have wanted me dead for so long. Now, it looks like they will succeed. They will torture me until I die as painful a death as they can give me. If no rescue comes for me in time, the question is-- How many people can I save before the pain and torture inflicted on me here finally kills me?

Please bring me news of anything I can help. We have very limited time, now.

Whatever it Takes

I learned today that they want to start the injection torture on me again. I still understand that it takes time to organize an entire planet to stand up and demand my freedom from tiny England, but we need to do this faster. If at all possible, get me out before the first needle gets near me. Please do whatever it takes to get me to safety. We already know the injection torture breaks my connection with the natural world and takes away my ability to prevent nuclear warheads from decimating the planet. That is likely what they have planned.

Please do whatever it takes. Please also pardon this understatement, but I would also hate to be tortured to death in here. They have wanted that for months, now.

I would like criminal charges filed against the NHS and every last member of the nursing staff involved in this. Please also do anything else you can think of to get me to safety. Thank you.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

I Know you are Working on It.

Yes, I understand that organizing the planet to demand I finally have any human rights takes time. I have faith in humanity to save me from this hell. Please understand that they will try to take this internet connection away from me. I will still be here waiting for all of you. I am not free, yet, and I know you are all working on it.

Monday, August 16, 2010

A Thank You

I know that it takes time to translate my writings, and I know it takes time to organize an entire planet of support. I know that your constant pressure on lonely England, though, will bring about my physical rescue and delivery to my full human rights. Please keep the pressure on England until I am free, and please make sure the news of your globally unified demand for my freedom reaches the people and government here inside this bubble of reality around me. That is what will make it most effective. There are so many places I need to go and so many people I need to help.

As a side note, even despite all of the tortures I have endured since May 2009, I am still amazingly not suicidal. I have had the occasional metaphysical crisis over whether or not I should exist in this world, but I have never wanted to kill myself. You do not need to worry. I would never kill myself.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

In my own Hands

I meant to write all of this down for all of you sooner, but I passed out from a blood sugar low just after 9:30 last night. I did not recover fully until now because our breakfast food and something I ate at lunch had “meow-meow” and a sedative in it, respectively. So, I am now not allowed enough food for my body to function normally, AND what food I am allowed is drugged.

The blood sugar low hit me so heavily and almost out of nowhere yesterday because I am now locked into this torture facility with no time outside at all anymore. That was my time to buy enough food to get by in here, but now that opportunity is taken away from me. The removal of my “leave” from this building has many implications. But the fact that it came at a time when they are picking up their tortures on me is the most telling.

The British know they commit more criminal acts with every moment I am here. They just chose to lock me in permanently; that means there MUST be a physical rescue of me to bring me to complete freedom. By refusing to organize and demand my freedom themselves, the British public has already chosen to be completely culpable without chance for redemption. They chose this path for themselves. I have a tendency to do what I want when it comes to forgiving people, but it cannot happen while I am still a torture victim abandoned here by the public. IF they want redemption at all, they need to act.

Every peaceful option is evaporating as a means of ending this. We already know that nuclear weapons (as long as I have warning) do no one any service on this planet, so I have no idea what the British government has as leverage to keep me here as a political hostage. This government has nothing, from what I can tell, but blood on its hands. We all know better than to negotiate with fascist-terrorist governments, so I have no idea why there has been no physical rescue of me, yet.

I am asking the all-powerful Nerds of this planet to be on call for me. I trust them blindly to act honorably with whatever needs to be done to bring me to my full human rights on behalf of all humanity. I trust that they are active now, and if I need extra help I will ask them. They may need to become more, as I call it, mischievous and fun-seeking than usual soon. After all, even the Jedi had to kick ass on occasion. All I request from them in particular is that they just don’t get caught... especially if I never get to know about it. They can do what they want as far as I am concerned, but if I need extra help, I will ask.

I know it is getting close to a time for all nations of this planet (except possibly Israel and the US) to declare war against tiny England. Please stay organized in your support for me. I know there are many nations who do not traditionally get along out there who all love and adore me. Before I ask you all to take on tiny England militarily as the last resort to bring me to safety, I am going to make one last plea for a peaceful solution. Yes, this is what it looks like when matters are in my own hands.

Please make a unified and strong world stance on demanding my freedom from this torture facility and my safe delivery to a country nearby where I can have my full human rights as soon as possible. From there I will be able to ensure my physical safety and full human rights as I travel home to fix the problems of the United States right now and then the entire world. I know my husband is very busy, but I cannot wait to take time out of his schedule after asking him to travel the world with me as I meet as many people as possible who cannot afford to travel to see me. I hope to help all of this world learn to solve as many of these new problems on its own as possible, so that in case I should actually be murdered by a fascist-terrorist government, you will be able to carry on peacefully without me.

While you are all working on putting together a unified world stance for demanding my freedom, I do need some help with some smaller, short-term needs. I could use some help keeping certain members of the staff out of the building completely. This includes my quack who goes by the name of Hannah Helen Reynolds while in here, one of the staff nurses who goes by Colin Smith, the vile ward manager who goes by Toni Manley, and the entire night staff except for Vinnie and Damian. Damian is a great guy, has a bald head, and wears one earring in his left ear.

Just a few nights ago, the pinpoint radiation torture picked up again. Can anybody help remove their equipment? It burns hottest in the TV lounge. In less than a week, they are going to try injecting me with toxins again. Can anybody stop the quack or at least the delivery of the toxins to the facility? They need to drop the charade that any of this is medical, admit I am a political hostage, and give me detainee rights. We also need enough food to eat in here... without any illicit substances showing up in it. Any and all help with all of this would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

Love, love, love: that is the soul of genius. --W.A.Mozart

Friday, August 13, 2010

The Last Few Days

I am disheartened but not disillusioned that the British people have chosen not to redeem themselves nor for me to forgive them. I will do what I want, but I did have hopes that the people of this Island (of reality) of Great Britain would finally do what is right. It was their choice, and they chose enduring culpability.

My days this week have been filled with helping inmates (and the occassional ungrateful nurse) heal, watching the news, self-healing through dance, writing letters, and other odds and ends of activity. I have had the joy of coffee on many the morning or afternoon while I was out for an escorted hour. I have accomplished a lot while being tortured. I owe it to my unstoppable and still husband-protected heart.

And now, I start bringing the more-unpredictable-than-usual ways I prefer.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Do the British Ever Want me to Forgive Them?

They have done little yet towards being forgivable. All they have to do is organize to set me free and ensure I travel safely to a country already capable of guaranteeing my full human rights (Do not forget the protocols at the end.) by Thursday, 12 August 2010, and my heart will forgive them. The British peopled abandoned me in this proven torture facility in which I am still confined; if they want to do something to save themselves from still being guilty of this, they, as a people, need to set me free.

The British public should know by now that once I reach my full human rights, the money will help rebuild this country as well as help so many places in greater need of my help. What if I had completely obligatorily and legally obtained money to back up all of the beautiful things I want in this world? To see that world, I need to have my full human rights. To see that future, this world needs justice.

This country needs to do what is right, for once. The British people need to set me free.

If this waits past 12 August 2010, I will have to save myself in a way that does not save the British from their debilitating culpability. I will have to do something completely unpredictable and highly messy to reach my human rights, and it will leave the British people just a guilty as they are now. Please do not allow that to happen.

Please make sure the British people get to be my heroes. Please make sure they organize, amass, set me free, and ensure my safe and immediate travel all before 12 August 2010. That is more time than the need, and it is the right thing to do.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

About Nuclear Arsenals—Please pardon my sentence fragment; it was chosen for artistic purposes.

They are useless. Humanity needs nuclear weaponry the way fish need a barrel. But then why do we have them? We have them because we built them. Let me explain.

Humans first built the atomic bomb in order to bully and intimidate other humans. The first method we found for standing up to another human with a nuclear weapon was to have one for ourselves. Then, there was a very expensive race to see who could own the largest and most powerful nuclear arsenal, all in order to appear more manly and strong than the other racer. Meanwhile, everyone wanted to join the elitist and supposedly manly and strong countries-with-nuclear-weapons-only club. Why? Because the cool kids were doing it. Soon, there were more nuclear weapons in existence than necessary to demolish our planet a few times over.

But how do WE fight nuclear weapons and nuclear attacks now? WE render them useless. Yes, there are more people than just me who are capable of sending radiation into outer space. No, I will not tell you who they are. I actually know how to keep a secret. Needless to say, not all of my powers are the results of a theoretical brain tumor I still need to be checked for. Some of this I have been capable of and hidden for a long time. Some of my mother’s family was living in the Philippines when the A-bombs fell on Japan. (Please follow the logical fallout of that statement and mix its DNA with the tenets of natural selection.)

Sadly, now that nuclear weaponry is useless, are there better technologies out there for meeting these ends? If you need to defend yourself against a bully-country, any and all bluff-calling built on actual, moral convictions seems to do the trick. If you need to defend yourself against frustrated fascist, terrorist governments and tyrants, I find the power of numbers to be highly effective. If you just happen to like nuclear power, please remember that there are forms of electricity-generation that are even more eco-friendly than nuclear reactors; that is, there are eco-friendly methods of generating power that do not require the (often controversial) production and storage of nuclear waste. If you just want to intimidate people, please do not look here for any help.

And, I think that finishes that idea. This torture facility still spins here on its axis. If I have to breakout without a physical rescue, it will be messy.

Planet, please take care,
Tanya Hedelisa Albon Depp de Varilek
Squid Bedlam Vaƙilekova

Written in a flash on 10July2010 at approximately 11:11am...

I Will Walk This Earth Barefoot
(c)2010 Squid B. Varilekova

I will walk this Earth barefoot.
I will bathe in its rain dancing.
This terra's fire will carry me
like a bird song through mountain leaves.

I will step not knowing more
than that I step again
on this great green Earth
on a path ever forward into knowing.

I will dance ever-trusting the rain
will always fall to quench
the Earth and Sky and Seas and People.
The mountains yawn to bathe in lightning.

My fire will burn with change and progress.
The sky will dawn in fires of morning
of newness of birth of growth of life.
The Earth will always hold a fire within.

The wind will blow my hair in rivers--
flowing ourtward from my mind on the breeze.
The air will touch your own windowsill,
So we may sing together.
Yes, we shall sing together.

I will walk this Earth barefoot.
I will bathe in its rain dancing.
This terra's fire will carry me
like a bird song through mountain leaves.

A Few More Loose Ends for Now

I wonder sometimes if anyone is still following my facebook activity. I set the privacy to “Everyone” on the things of mine I want the whole world to see... Yet, I get so little feedback. Well, even if I am writing facebook stati just to be able to talk to myself, it helps me work through my ideas. I do not plan on stopping anytime soon.

This one may not seem like much of a loose end, but I feel I should make a few more comments on Global Climate Change — we can learn to predict it. We have over one hundred years of global weather data. We, humanity, have already seen all weather possible on this planet from fires during mudslides to raining frogs and red tides. The only thing new we will see is the frequency and degree to which certain weather phenomena occur, and that extremity will make them easier to predict. We can do this. We can keep humanity safe during Global Climate Change. We just need to get a strong enough weather prediction system in place. We already know that the Water Cycle has more water in it, now. We need to get used to predicting it as accurately as possible.

Global Climate Change does not include earthquakes, but earthquakes are another natural feature of our planet. We have been surviving earthquakes since the human race first existed on this Earth. The surface of our world is made up of tectonic plates that interlock much like the many interlocking bones of the human skull. Tension can build up between then, and earthquakes and volcanoes can result to release that pressure. Also, when plates adjust in one place, plates in another place on the surface of the Earth might also have to adjust. It seems like we are caught in a long string of earthquakes, but it is the surface of the Earth releasing natural, geologic pressure as the plates move around. Eventually, the pressure will balance out on its own for a longer period of time.

This world is in more of an information deficit than it is an information overload; though, I will understand if someone says we have been in a misinformation overload. This paragraph is a thank you to all of the people helping me pop open bubbles of contained knowledge to get the truth both out of and into information-controlled areas. Thank you, for helping me to clear the fog, point out what is and is not factual, and drag podpeople to reality whenever possible. I do not know where I would be without all of the help you give me.

As for an unexpected loose end, does anybody know how many military bases the Obama administration has in the works? At last count, I had Zanzibar, Japan (I know there is one there already, but wasn’t there something about building a new one?), the West Coast of Africa, and Kyrgyzstan on the list I have been subconsciously assembling. I also assume the administration plans to leave behind bases in Iraq and Afghanistan. The American military and I have a very strong relationship. I worry over where all of this base-building is going. I do not think it is in keeping with maintaining the safety of anyone, least of all the American people. That is the real job of the military, you know. They exist to keep America safe at all possible costs of their own human life.

Next, I will finally comment on Obama going grey. From what I can tell, Obama’s grey hairs are a result of his enacting public policy based solely on covering his own backside in order to stay in power. He acts as President in keeping with the way the wind is blowing instead of acting out of moral convictions. Besides, he is so conservative (although incompetent at it) that the Democratic Party should have disowned him what feels like long ago. If you believe he supports me now and all of a sudden, it is because he wants to be associated with me and my benevolence. However, he still has policies that are preying on my family, and my beautiful America is still in tatters due to many of his own actions. Most personally, he is the one who sent the executive order to rape me systemically in order to break and control me. He does not support me; he just wants to stay in power.

Finally, nuclear weapons: Missiles sailed through the air in late May. Later, I felt what I thought were missiles going off while still inside their silos, but it is possible those were nuclear reactors malfunctioning. I have also felt submarines arm and fire. The only government I can deduce was willing to hit the trigger is the British. They were so guilty after building ThunderDome in Greater Manchester and setting it to self-destruct that they wanted humanity ended to never be held responsible.

What we learned from Japan at the end of World War II includes not only the devastation of atomic technology but also the resilience of humankind to survive it. What we know of Darwinism includes that life evolves to meet each crisis to help prevent the end of all life. Yes, when the bomb dropped on Chicago, I noticed without being told, and yes, I chose to do something about the fallout and the remaining missiles in the air. I chose to prevent the end of humanity every time a crisis listed above shook my being.

Yes, the British government tortured me for it. They tortured me heavily. My being here started with them wanting me so broken I could never be free of a medical detention. After preventing all of their nuclear disasters to the best of my abilities, they wanted me tortured until I died. My fight for survival in here has not been an easy one. “THANK YOU!” to everyone who supports me and to those who support those who support me.

In two more posts, I will discuss the purposes of having a nuclear arsenal, and that there are better technologies out there for meeting those ends.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Loose Ends

I am going to try to clear up some long-lost odds and ends with my next few posts.

First of all, I need to be set free of this building, the spy equipment still in my head against my will finally removed, and the freedom to learn enough about current events to educate my brain further into and around Afghanistan, Darfur, Georgia, etc... There is so much in this world that I could help fix and resolve, but instead I am abandoned here in this torture facility by the British who refuse to amass and demand my freedom.

Secondly, I have never been checked for cancer... anywhere. There are five BIG reasons I believe I have a brain tumor, though.

1.) It would explain why I have superpowers that allow me to bend and control energy.
2.) It would explain why I am a solely benevolent super-genius.
3.) There have been electronics in my head running an electric signal through my cranium for over a year, now.
4.) It would explain why I can make sense out of animals, the weather, and strangers.
5.) I have been denied adequate, and in most cases ANY, medical care for over a year, now, and I am still not relapsing back into any psychotic symptoms from my old diagnosis of schizophrenia. Instead, I have proven to be a very fast healer in all capacities.

I have never been allowed to be checked for a brain tumor to see if one is there. Isn’t it about time we found out if that is the reason I am capable of these things?

Thirdly, BP needs a reality check... and FAST! They are LOST on what is and is not real in this world, and the Obama administration needs to research the actual biodegradability of crude oil. Every time I hear words from a British Petrol representative, those words reek with the beliefs of a podperson who has been living among the unicorned pegasi beside the cotton candy rainbow that sails the lavender skies of planet Deceptor. Yet, those beliefs are expressed with the convictions of a corrupt hypnotherapist. If they have fooled you into believing them, find a rock of reality and climb back up the cliff to rejoin the rest of us here on planet Earth.

Not so randomly, my engagement ring has a (conflict free) emerald in it. “What?” You ask me, “How would you know that, Squid, if corrupt governments and other corrupt authorities are still actively keeping you and your husband apart?” Well, I know this because neither he nor I is an idiot. My Sweetness, no doubt, consulted my best friend, Syniva, about how to appropriately propose to me. There are no blood diamonds from him to me. The only blood money is from the corrupt world leaders who want to continue torturing and enslaving me.

I have heard SO MANY TIMES that the only reason the British have CHOSEN to persecute me so thoroughly is because they believe I am my little sister. I have said this before, and I am saying it again. Who does this to ANYBODY?... especially in my name? I am an egalitarian. I believe all humans are equal. But, WHO WOULD DO THIS TO MY LITTLE SISTER???!!!

In March here in Liverpool, a woman in the Home Office had spoken of offering me diplomatic protection. That was only five months ago, but look where we are now. All of England, the England that once wanted me to live here so they could call me their own, has abandoned me in a torture facility. What happened to you, England that once loved me? Why do you deny me my human rights in their completeness yourselves? Why are you not outside the doors of this building demanding my freedom?

My current, accurate diagnosis is PTSD that is manifesting as bipolar disorder with absolutely NO psychotic symptoms. As I already discussed, this is not a relapse of my diagnosis from 2002 of schizophrenia. As you all know who have seen me, I am also “fit to travel” home at any moment; however, the literal quack who controls when I am allowed to go home prefers to keep me here for continued torturing. The quack goes by the fake name of Dr. Hannah Helen Reynolds and has neither a medical degree nor any medical training. She was sent here to represent the British government. My PTSD is completely under control through only the help of my inmates and my personal ability to heal very quickly.

Finally, I still have no twin and definitely no convincing twin. However, the people of this world who hate me are very handy with special effects, makeup, and prosthetics. Luckily, there are also people who love me who are very handy with those things. I also am still a woman with only lady body parts. Last but not least, although three governments, minimum, have now been a part of selling my natural sexiness against my will, I have still never been a hooker and only their forced prostitute. (Please see my blog history from December 2009 to early February 2010 for the appropriate definition of forced prositution for this situation.)

Please take care.... There is even more to come in the next post!

Friday, August 6, 2010

And my internet situation has begun resolving itself here in my hell...

Monday morning I received not only the long awaited mailed package from my mom, but I also received a well-thought-out package from the Swiss Embassy in London. I REICEVED STUFF!!! It was wonderful. Normally only mail from my mom, the UKBA, the NHS, and my solicitor with Jackson & Canter LLP ever arrive here. It was delightful.

My eyes are swelling up randomly in my sleep. I think I have an allergy to the flame-resistent pillows and blankets in here. The swelling leaves large circles under my eyes after the puffiness goes down. Don't worry, it only happens in my sleep.

Among other random happenings, the wind caught my hair as I passed through a newly painted doorway recently. I now appear to have some very distinguishing grey hairs. I very much like the look on me; I appear closer to my real age of thirty-two. Sigh...

I do not support Glastonbury, and I do not think I will ever be able to in the future. Did you see the crowds there? Those very crowds claimed to support me, but what were they doing about it? Did they remove the chips from their heads? Did they amass in those same numbers outside of my torture facility demanding my freedom? Either would be greatly appreciated. But no, instead they amassed in large numbers to hear free music. Please remember that I am prone to normal human error, though, and am wrong on ocassion. I am also prone to forgiving those who wrong me given enough time to heal from it. If the British public turns it around and demands my freedom, I might be able to support Glastonbury some time soon; I will have a whole year to heal from this torture facility by the next Glastonbury Festival, after all... assuming I get out soon.

The facilities here still have only coffee with illicit substances in it, toxic air emmanating from many radiators, no promised computer nor internet access for all patients confined here, etc... I still have to sleep in the common areas to have safety at night; the sedative-weilding vast majority of the night staff is still a waste of breathable air.

A special message for the people and government of Iran
(Samuel, do you mind providing official translations?)

Dear friends, I find your almost unbelievable support for me in my current time of super-crisis and for my future not only something that makes me elated but also something that leaves me helplessly proud. Please remember that as you criticize the hypocracy of certain Western countries in their refusal to allow me my full human rights, that you need to ensure the full human rights of your own people including your prisoners. This will not only increase your own credibility on topics of my human rights, but it will make you stronger as a people. I know I am a special case in your hearts, and I also completely understand that many changes cannot happen overnight. Just as the Pope in Rome is bringing the Catholic Church into the Communication Age with gender issues in contemporary society at a speed appropriate for his flocks to keep pace, many changes in your own society will take time to continue modernizing... just as improvements in your technology do. Thank you, sincerely and from my still beating heart, for everything. I do not know where I would be without your support. This was not meant to criticize you; this was meant to show how much I understand you and to ask you for help. Thank you, again.

Fake Emails I Have Received
Who are they trying to fool?

Does this sound like an honest response to my blog?
Ms P. Gaffney to me
Jun 17

Dear Varilekova -

My husband (Tom) has been telling me about you and I have been looking at your fascinating blog, but of course also sorry to learn of your unfortunate experiences. I know how you feel, believe me. I quite like your eccentricity and am very intrigued by your situation. We are very much alike.

Like you I am American born but have been living here in the Northwest (Liverpool mostly) for over 35 years.

I see you are presently "resident" at Windsor House, I wonder if I could come and visit you (briefly, don't worry - I won't impose) as I will be in that neighbourhood this coming Monday, 21 June, at the Women's Hospital at midday. I could visit sometime in the afternoon if that would be possible and OK with you. If not, I understand so don't feel bad about saying no.

Are you from San Francisco? I was there many years back and loved the city. I lived there for over a year as I was working as a nanny for a family in the Sunset district. It was the "hippie" era and really wonderful...of course I was young then...I recall North Beach. A very cool area of the city, very together. Of course I don't know what it it is like now, but I am sure it's still very lovely (even though there is not beach there!). The BART was in the process of being built at the time, I obviously it was a good few years back.

If you want to ring me I am at (0151) ###-#### anytime.

All the best in any case,
Patricia Gaffney x

Does this sound like an honest reaction to my life?
Jo Seki to me
show details Aug 1 (6 days ago)

hi tanya.

i looked you up the other day. i knew you years ago.

your blog surprised me. you seem so different now. but still tanya. :)

i just wanted to say i'm rooting for you. maybe its a quack ward
but at least someone's looking out for you, yeah?

i really hope you get the help you need and you make it home safely.
you're a good person and you deserve to be happy.

-- a friend

This is posted with very little proofreading.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

I only have half an hour today here at the computer at the Toxteth library,... I am in a bit of a rush.

The package from my mom has not yet arrived. The last day possible for its guaranteed delivery is tomorrow. Let's all make sure that it arrives, shall we? Paperwork is not a biohazard. There is no reason to stop mail from my mama (Mrs. Dinadar Albon Varilek) to me (Tanya Hedelisa Albon Depp de Varilek) for even a metal detector scan... assuming that only normal procedure apply to me... Wait, how many people are pretending they have no clue who I really am in this world? Huh, normal procedures must apply to me. Good! I will receive that package tomorrow like I am supposed to.

I am still locked into the active torture facility in all "Tower of London" style as a political hostage while the British public and government are too pansy to admit to the truth of the situation, particularly to my face. I will need to leave my inmates in the care of my rescuers to ensure that they finally reach ANY medical care. We are people, and all people are equal; however, we inmates are all subhuman in the eyes of the nurses. I am beyond irrate at this situation.

There is a new sedative in the hot drink machine in the canteen.

Please pardon my lack of adequate proofreading.