Monday, October 31, 2011

Dear Mrs. Hillary Clinton

Dear Mrs. Hillary Clinton,

I am not the best person in the world with the written word, so if there is anything I can say to convince you to run for the Democratic nomination for president for 2012, I will say it.

This is bigger than your party needing you. This is bigger than women needing your leadership and example. This is even bigger than your nation needing you to offer logically consistent, strong, diplomatic, and intelligent solutions to dire foreign and domestic problems. The President of the United States of America is still supposed to be the leader of the free world. Mrs. Clinton, the world needs you.

Just say you want to run, and bubble or no bubble, I will throw down no holds barred to get you elected.

Just think of all the good you could do in this world. Please consider this. The world needs you.

Thank you for all of your time and attention,
Squid B. Varilekova a.k.a. Tanya H. A. Varilek


I flew back to Iowa from LA yesterday, but the misery of my living situation has not dragged me into depression, yet. I think the clean-ocean-air reset is still working.

I spent last night at the Lift watching the original "Nightmare on Elm Street" with one of the best bartenders in town. That guy who plays the boyfriend, he is going to do great things someday. Just you wait and see. Hee-hee. The movie made me giggle all of the way through.

My time in Los Angeles was wonderful. I had amazing family time with my mom and sister. There were actually friends there I could hang out with. I was disappointed that the bubble did not burst, but the people were fabulous. I was able to see the Occupation. I had time on the beach, and I watched the sun set over the Pacific Ocean. The museums were spectacular. And the food was delicious.

I even had a night in an emergency room because my hands, feet, arms, legs, all of me had swelled up. It turns out i have a thyroid condition. That explains so much, like my epic weight gain.

Now, I have another pill to take, but at least it is a pill that treats something.

I take Risperidone and Depacote for no reason. I am the same with them and without them; except, I am physically healthier without them. The Zoloft actually helps. This experience has been miserable, and an anti-depressant makes it more tolerable.

Believe it or not, the bubble was completely tolerable in Southern California. I finally remembered what happy feels like. My mind was clear, and my heart was light. I had a reason to laugh more than once every day. There were things to do other than writing anti-Obama rhetoric, stewing in boredom and misery, or going out drinking. That is all I have here in Iowa.

Let us all hope Iowa and my diabolical father do not get me down again.

Speaking of which, what is so different about the assassinations of bin Laden and Gadhaffi? They were both killed without being put on trial first. The Obama administration and global community have no grounds to criticize the actions of the Libyan rebels if they do not criticize President Incompetent's orders, too.

Sweetness, I have said it so many times. I will wait for you.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Do Not Settle.

You are demanding change, so President Insufficient is giving you pennies. Do not settle, Occupy Wall Street.

Do not go home for anything less than the revolution and justice you are demanding. We all know Obama the Slave Driver sold out before his term even began. He needs to be reformed as much as the system does.

Sweetness, it must be something big and juicy they are using to control this town. I saw more resistance in San Francisco in 2009. Why are people so receptive to being oppressed?

Clean Ocean Air

My life is hell. That is no secret. I live in an unbearable situation in Iowa.

But today I had a chance to breathe some good, clean ocean air up in Malibu. It provided a long overdue reset of my system. I can endure anything now.

Yes, that is right. I went hiking in my dress in heels up at Point Dume yesterday afternoon. The weather was spectacular. The coastline was jagged. And a good time was had by all.

My dear old friend Christian took me and my mom around town all day, and the night began with Cadillac margaritas at a nearby Mexican restaurant. My mom already made plans for the two of us for tomorrow. Friday, we are going museum hopping; it has been years since I have seen the Getty or the LACMA. Saturday is reserved for shopping during the day and in the evening a costume party.

I would really like to see the Occupation. I would really like to soak up some sun on the beach.

Staying in Santa Monica is convenient to so much to do which is fabulous since my mother refuses to rent a car. But on our attempted (less than a mile) walk to the beach yesterday morning, my leg cramped up on me. I have been fine since resting, but a word of advice. If your leg cramps on you, do not keep walking on it until it can no longer hold your weight.

Our vacation rental is super adorable and accessible only by a secret passage. You can torture me all you want; I will never reveal how to get to my Kermit doll.

Sweetness, no worries. I would wait a lifetime to be with you... if it were not for the damn bubble... I have had little chance to watch television, but I plan on watching you on Letterman tomorrow night. Let's hope I make it.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Here I Am!

I am now located in Los Angeles. Okay, technically I am in Santa Monica right now. I received permission to leave Iowa with my mother to visit my older sister.

This means, unless there is divine intervention to burst the bubble from hell I live in, I will have to return to Iowa the morning of Oct 30th.

Get me while you can, or burst the bubble and keep me forever.

Sweetness, now is your chance for acts of breathtaking daring do. I cannot wait. Hell, if ANYONE wants to save me, I am here for the saving.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

We Cannot Fly without Wind in our Face.

It is under the greatest of pressures that the most brilliant stars are born. Remember that the next time you see someone or something spectacular. We cannot fly without wind in our face.

Libya, stick to your plans. Hold elections. Draft a constitution. Build a government. Please make sure you represent all people in your nation fairly and equally. This is only a reason to celebrate if you do not descend into chaos and infighting. You are a good people. I have faith you will see yourselves become a thriving democracy.

Near the same region, it seems we are getting out of Iraq finally. That was a war we never should have instigated to begin with. We can be such warmongers.

But there is something we got right in Iraq. We captured Saddam Hussein and put him on trial. We did not lawlessly kill him.

Obama the Sociopath says getting out of Iraq will allow us to focus on the economy. If he would rather focus on the economy, why is he sending troops to Uganda? Is that man capable of uttering a sentence without lying?

Sweetness, are you counting the clouds today? The ones here are all fuzzy around the edges. It is hard to tell where they end and the sky begins. I'm having a lazy Saturday prone to daydreaming about you... Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... no wonder I call you "Sweetness."

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Count With Me

My beautiful world, count with me on your fingers. Point to your left hand.

We begin with the Pinkie. This is for Oct. 21st. Go to the ocean on this day and ask for the answers to her deepest secrets. She will indulge.

Next is the Ring Finger. This is for Oct. 22nd. Count the clouds that pass you by on this day. Count them all day long. This number will be magic.

The Middle Finger is for Oct. 23rd. If you get angry on this day, use your energy to create good in the world. It takes more strength to be gentle. This is how we should fight. We should fight from love.

Oct. 24th is on the Pointer Finger. Bring flowers and plants into your home on this day. Let orchids lead you on your way.

The final day is the Thumb. We point to the Thumb for Oct. 25th. On this day, look to the sky. Look past the blue and into the cosmos. Will justice, goodness, and light into the universe. Use your will to set right what is wrong.

Let the countdown begin.

Sweetness, I have nothing but love, respect, and the letter I am putting in the mail today.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

I Still Need You.

Did anyone else know about this? It sounds like a great way to change Obama the Oppressor's policies on a great many things.

You could have Wall Street criminals investigated and arrested. You could make steps towards having marijuana legalized. You could force the current President to publicly address the topic of me. It looks like it is going to great use already.

Does the Occupation know?

Quick survey: How many people out there find my enforced unemployment, involuntary bubble of existence, and financial captivity a waste of years of potential good I could have done in this world?

I am doing everything I can while I am in here, but it would be so much easier to be the good influence I am in this world if I had my freedom. My beautiful world, I need you to fight for me and not give up until the bubble is burst.

I know you are all very busy out there. You have an Occupation in full swing. You are fighting every day to put food on the table. But please do not forget about me in here. I still need you. The world needs me to be free.

Sweetness, I am going to start a new letter to you tomorrow. Living through this experience has been unbearable, and you are the only silver lining I have had through the whole thing. Thank you.

Sunday, October 16, 2011


I see the occupation has gone global. Think of all the problems you can fix. When the time is right, make sure you make defined, concrete demands. It is clear that you are demanding change. Make sure you tell the world HOW to make the changes you are demanding.

The civil disobedience of the occupation in Iowa does not operate in blatant defiance of the bubble I live in. If it did, I would be out there with them. I cannot risk being arrested for anything less than a completely burst bubble. Otherwise, the way things are structured now, if I am arrested, the bubble will never burst. And the world needs me to be free.

Do not worry. You can expect me to be standing with you once I have freedom.

I am still so very proud of you all. People always say, "Be the change you want to see in the world." You are actually doing it. As I said, think of all the problems you can fix.

Sweetness, I will be at the gym on the treadmill at 7pm tonight, so I can watch you and Larry King on CNN. I gave Larry an interview once while I was still in the UK and before he retired his show. Did you ever get to see it? Lady Gaga was phenomenal in it. I write my kisses on paper and mail them to you; I display them for the world to see here in my blog; and I let them hang from the tips of my lips as I wait for you to press against me. How do you store your kisses for me?

Friday, October 14, 2011

How I Celebrated my Birthday this Year

My birthday was fun. I had a nice dinner in Ankeny with my mom, and then I kicked up my heels at the Ziggy Marley show downtown. I ended the night at the Lift sipping rum into the wee hours of the morning.

Yesterday, a friend took me out to lunch at the Des Moines Art Center where we perused the works of art all afternoon. And after Mom and I hit the gym last night, we split a wedge of pecorino tuscana and a bottle of Vino Nobile di Montepulciano.

Tonight, I am going out with some old friends from high school for some reveling in our age. We have had a few birthdays these past few days. It should be fun.

The real party is a gift from my mom and will occur 25Oct2011. Just a week and a half to go! Yey!

Sweetness, it was a lonely birthday without you, but it just means we will celebrate a little late this year. I know you are doing all you can. Similarly, I am doing everything I can think of to never spend another lonely night without you. We get so close sometimes I can feel it.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Care Bear Stare

Yesterday, I learned that there are peaceful protesters in Des Moines, now. Occupy Iowa is in full swing. I had no idea that the people here had already organized. I think I might stop by and see what they are up to. Yey! Power to the people!

Today I learned that the line breaks I enter manually into the text of this blog do not appear on all computers as they should. I will try to fix that. I have been using XHTML style instead of HTML, so I am pretty sure I know how to fix it.

The US government is at it again with spreading around hatred. I do not understand how further alienating Iran will do anything but fuel the fire of distrust and potential violence between that particular nation and the Western World.

I am not suggesting group hugs and the "Care Bear Stare" to solve the problems that already exist, but we should do something other than make the problems worse. Iran does not need us. Never forget that. It is because of the heavy sanctions already against them that Iran is so defiant and independent.

Occupy Wall Street, please do not forget that there are some perfectly good millionaires out there supporting you. Even Warren Buffet, a billionaire, says that the super-rich do not pay enough taxes in the US.

Please make sure you focus your energy on reforming the greedy not on drawing a line in the income sand. Do not make this a protest that vents jealousy. Make this a protest that brings progress and reform. There are so many of you. Think of all of the problems you could fix.

Sweetness, why am I feeling all anxious with my body all tingly today? Is there good news I have not received, yet? Tomorrow is my birthday. Promise me you will go out and celebrate for me.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Dissent is American.

Good afternoon, my beautiful world. My, you have been busy lately. Just how much can we accomplish by my birthday? I will be thirty-four on Wednesday.

Egypt, please remember to represent all of your people fairly and equally with your new government. Democracy is often a greater challenge than it needs to be. Remember to love your neighbor and defend your neighbor just as you love and defend yourself. You need to take care of each other if you want your new government to flourish and survive after it is born.

As for you, my protesting Americans, never let them take your voice away. Dissent is American. And there is no growth unless we challenge the status quo. Rage, my beautiful world, rage.

Sweetness, I sent you a letter today. It should reach you this week Thursday or Friday because of the holiday on Monday. I have no idea if you received my last two, but there is absolutely no reason why you should not receive this one. Also, it is okay to celebrate my birthday a few days late this year if we have to. I understand.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Apology Accepted

Sweetness, is your foot out of your mouth yet? I have been in front of hidden cameras against my will and with no opportunity for redress for so long that I could almost agree with you about cameras. Then again, you have a choice. However, coming from someone who had been serially sexually abused with no recourse for safety for years, I just want you to know that your apology, as far as I am concerned, is accepted. Please stop choosing to do things that leave you feeling intruded and violated so often, though. And please no cameras in the house.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Steve Jobs

Last night, we lost one of the greatest minds of technology and invention. He was right up there with Archimedes and Edison. He truly took an innovative bite out of the world.

Steve, the world is a better and more accessible place just because you graced us with your presence; we will miss you. Thank you for everything you gave us.

On a completely unrelated note, I am hoping that Occupy Wall Street calls out Obama the Sociopath for being a puppet of Wall Street. Dr. Cornel West has had a lot to say about our current president and all of the ways he has sold out. It is an interesting topic to google.

Oh, all you protesters, I am so proud of you. Do not forget to make concrete demands. Tell them how to make the changes you want.

Oddly, I had a dream about sock puppets last night. It was probably some sort of internalized political satire.

Sweetness, did you get any of my mail for this week, yet? I love you so madly... It is the only mad thing left about me. I cannot wait to sing sweet songs with you and dance to your music.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Power to the People

Oh, all you protesters in New York, you are fed up and standing up. You seem to have largely idealogical goals right now. Make sure you set concrete steps to achieving your goals. You are large enough to tell people what your demands are. Make sure you have concrete demands.

It is one thing demand that they "Clean up Wall Street," but what is doable is demanding that certain people resign. Please make sure your demands are concrete, so you can actually do good in this world. There are so many of you. I am so proud.

I spent part of Sunday night at the Lift watching movies and partaking in tasty alcoholic beverages. At one point while sipping on something tasty and chock full of rum, I found myself explaining the existence of non-Euclidean geometries and the importance of the parallel postulate to a twenty-two year old as "From Dusk Till Dawn" played on one of the walls. I had a phenomenal weekend.

I hear many people expressing that they want to have both me and President Incompetent around. Well, it was President Incompetent who decided no one is allowed to have me. I live in a bubble where I am allowed to do nothing for this world because of him. If you want to someday have both of us, you need to kick Obama the Terrorist into line and make him clean up his human rights violations against me. Then, after he has mended his horrible ways, you will be able to have us both. I need to be released from this bubble first.

Sweetness, I saw the tasty posters for "The Rum Diary." I am very excited to see it. I also sent you a second letter last night. So, you should expect two letters this week. The first one should be there tomorrow. Yey!

Sunday, October 2, 2011


We are definitely in the throws of autumn out here. The leaves are changing; the weather is spectacular; and the lady bugs have returned to the house after a summer away.

Halloween, my favorite holiday of all, will soon be here. I was thinking about dressing up as myself this year.

October will be spectacular.

My birthday is on the 12th. Does anyone have plans? It looks like I will be celebrating with some other birthdays that Friday night.

Sweetness, I mailed you a short note today. It is only three pages long, but you will love it. You should expect it Wednesday. With every breath, I am closer to you.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

What Goes Around...

My mom spent four hours cooking bacon today. I think she did it just to be outside in the beautiful fall weather. Do not worry, she freezes it and eats it slowly. As much as she likes bacon, she hates having the smell in the house.

I had a pretty good night last night. I made it out of the house to the Gaslamp where I caught a great blues band. The crowds are so young in bars in Des Moines. They go out to party around here. I am used to people going out just for the sake of being out.

So, the US government treated Pakistan with very little respect for a prolonged period of time, and now the US government is whining that we no longer have a strong relationship with Pakistan? That is like Obama the Brat treating me like a prostitute and then complaining I will not support him for reelection. Are we sensing a pattern here?

Obama the Oppressor has no regard for other people, other nations, or even the people in his own country. He just does what he wants then throws a tantrum when people do not like him for it. Accountability. I doubt he even knows how to pronounce the word.

What goes around comes around. Try creating good in the world, and then see how people treat you. Create peace and stability, and the world will be peaceful and stable. This does not take a mathematician to explain.

Sweetness, I have a surprise for you. My mom got me a glorious birthday gift. I will let you know when I mail you my next letter. You will like it, trust me.