Thursday, February 25, 2010

Ah, Yes, Watching the Atrocities Committed Against Innocents in Mexico City... My New Only Pastime

On the upside, I still never get to hear any of the lies my own government propogates against me. Well, it's not like any of them are ever worth acknowledging or refuting, anyway. They are always so far off base and so lacking in any logical structure that ... well, ... why do they spend so much money saying things everyone else is too smart to believe? Aren't there poverty-stricken people somewhere that need clean water?

I mean, really, we all know that physically following songs that I have never heard before, particularly when played live and saturated with improvisation, with methods that only my body can recreate, well, there is no better way for my unique chemistry to self-medicate. It is a moment between only me and the music. There is nothing else there, not in my mind, not in my body, not even in the heart I have already signed and sealed and given to the incomparable Mr. Johnny Depp. My eyes shut. The music comes in, and the dancing is formed. Okay, maybe I also have an orchid in my hair when it happens, but, you know, that is about it for frivolities. Even the glasses come off... but nothing else.

That is even how I taught myself to skank. Oh, someday I might make it to the Caribbean to study some dancing, but until then, my techniqueless ways of just letting the music move my body will just have to do. It's kind of like my writing that way. The seemingly random parts connect, and the conclusions choose the words that come out of my finger tips. These things happen in flashes. Have you read my twelve-minute sestinas?

I could say it is also like looking at a sock on my hand and finding its inner voice. But, that might just be getting a little silly about things.

Oh, yeah, I was going to talk about torture beds, biochemical attacks on public kitchens, and how I should leave this building more often. I would if it weren't for that roof deck... that beautiful roof deck. Sigh... and its beautiful view. Well, it's not like anyone is telling me where the live rock shows where I can self-medicate are, anyway.

There is something about this city, La Ciudad de México, that does not want me here. If they did, they would treat me with the basic respect any human deserves. Yet, they will also not give me any communications so that I may leave. I stay in a shared room here for increased safety for my physical self. Why can I not get any messages?

And with that and with my last few efforts at proofreading, I will leave you. Oh, look at all of the things I do in the wee hours of the morning when I am not allowed a sound, safe sleep. I should go put more links on my wall. See you there in a few.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

The Paradox of the Hotel Gillow in Mexico City Refusing to Give me Mail and Complaining that I am Still There

So, I woke up today, changed my clothes, and took the elevator to the lobby. I checked the time on their time clock. Looking at the front desk it is the electronic contraption to the right with the time always displayed on it. They clock in and out with the fingerprint pad on the device. I thought it was a thermostat the first time I saw it. Before walking away, I noticed the same people were at breakfast that I always see there. Sometimes, though, the very noticable outfits that they wear are on different people. This is all as if they did not yet know that I never forget a face. (I also always remember a person´s height, build, mannerisms, and the shape of that person´s ears... I have a severe case of OCD; it manifests this way and in my adherence to rules of grammar, among other things.)

Well, on the way out, the hotel staff at the front desk who clearly have never been trained on how to run a hotel asked me for a deposit on my account. I left a deposit and my card number at check in, and the man with which I spoke at check in assured me that, as is normal hotel policy, I would not be expected to pay teh rest of my bill until check out. Now, here is the funny thing about checking out of this metaphorical Hotel California, if they had ever even attempted to give me a phone message, a written message, or a piece of mail intended for me, I would NOT still be staying at that hotel anymore anyway. They have made it clear they are the ones making sure no one can contact me there, so that I am incapable of leaving at all.

When I gave them a list of people from which I had been expecting mail all along, they told me that the hotel was run by a different set of people than my embassy. What an odd statement! I had no idea that embassies were in the habit of running mid-grade boutique hotels with highly secure fingpad driven identification systems in their lobbies in the first place. Not to mention, the lady at the front desk has very similar to a voice I frequently hear coming from the room next door, room #403. She has a very distict way of sounding freaked out. Another woman's voice I hear from that room is very similar to the woman's voice I used to hear coming from the basement below the house my older sister rents in Los Angeles while I was her housesitter over the holidays. I have never understood why the mundanities of my life would be of interest to anybody in the first place, but the activities of room #403 and #504 are probably why I always feel too self-conscious to shower or even change my clothes while in my room at all.

The only things of value in my room that they could possibly think of stealing from me at all (in a childish tantrum after being scolded by me for unprofessionalism) would be my vintage Kermit doll and my self-illustrated translation of the poetry of Sappho. Then again, if they were to take anything, I know it is the easily identifiable front desk staff who would have taken it. My housekeeper has proven to be more than reliable and trustworthy. If the person who is my housekeeper changes after I say this, it is an extra sign of guilt by the managerial staff there. And, of course, I would hate to see what would happen as a backlash against them if my Kermit doll or academic books were mishandled by them in anyway at all.

Furthermore, I gave them express permission to contact my embassy about this if they felt like it... I wonder which embassy they believe is the embassy of my home country. They are clearly clueless on who I am despite insisting on watching me against my will the entire time I am in my hotel room and openly lying about any activites of mine after the fact. Seriously? Who would want to admit to having watched me in the privacy of my own room to begin with? Even if it were just an effort to tell intentional untruths about what I do in there?

When the people of Mexico stop shaming themselves openly by listening to the lies propogated about me by a certain subset of the US executive branch and begin to treat me, bare minimum, with the basic respect that any human is due, I will finally have physical safety in this country. I have already openly and clearly said that NO PEOPLE have EVER had any permission to watch me in the privacy of my own home. This has not changed.

Also, I bought some very nices dresses for myself while I have been here in Mexico City, but again, every time I wake from a siesta in the Hotel Gillow there are new syringe scars on my arms. Now, again, I am too filled with illicit substances against my will for the dresses I just bought two days ago to fit me anymore. I have already become bloated from all of the drugs they inject me with there against my will while I sleep and all of the illicit substances put in my food and drink when I am in public. Please see my later note about the bottled water put in this city by the Nestle Corporation.

Most of the Mexican citizens I have met have held to an honest and sincere desire for me to stay here in Mexico City and genuine concern for my well-being; although, they refuse to speak to me about anything to learn who my actually enemies attacking me and spreading lies about me might be and what might actually be in my best interest. For example, everyone kept showing concerns that I was constantly trying to locate the Nigerian Embassy here in Mexico... not that I actually thought there might be one. Clearly, if anyone would have bothered to talk to me about it in the first place, they would have learned that I have a VERY good friend from the country of Nigeria I have been trying to contact through her father, the Minister of Foreign Relations for the country. If anyone would have spoken to me about it at all in the first place, that person would have also learned that not only are the Nigerian people as dear to me as the Mexican people, but that the US government likes to pretend I have enemies that I do not actually have.

I have it on good authority and personal experience that their latest attempt to pretend I have an enemy was by offending the Italian population here in Mexico City. Seriously? I have lived in the Italian neighborhood of San Francisco for years. My neighborhood there has been dear and precious to me for my entire residency in the state of California. When the Italian ambassador to Mexico herself spoke with me on the telephone while she was pretending to be merely an employee of the Italian embassy, my one mistake was not spelling out that she was behaving like an employee of the Ipercoop in Tuscany... Then again, I would hate to insult the Ipercoop in that manner. Who listens to propogated lies told about me by the certain subset of the US executive branch in the first place? Haven't you learned your lesson by now?

Don't worry, it is neither the CIA nor the State Department of the US that has the mislaid and idiotic notion that they could ever convince the public of this planet of any of these things in the first place. Why anybody listens to anything said about me that does not come from my actual moving lips, my actual pen, or my actual blog baffles me completely at this point. Yes, there are many reliable sources on who I am, but clearly you are having problems figuring this out on your own and are attacking me pointlessly because of it. Here is some unsolicted advice on how to tell if what you hear about me is true or not: If it does not inlcude the truths that I am a very private, peaceful, intelligent, law-abiding, and genuinely endearing lady, then you are obviously being lied to. You should all know better by now.

My feelings on my own embassy include confusion why they lie to me myself to my face while refusing to acknowledge who I really am in this world, but I know that the real problem and the place from which it originated is not their mess to clean up. The truly vile and obviously idiotic forces that think they could convince anybody who looks at me in a public place with their own real eyes that I am anything but a genuinely kind and well-meaning woman are the same ones who somehow convinced the bottling plants for the US companies of Coca-Cola and Nestle here in Mexico City to contaminate all of the bottled water sold here. Just to make it clear, those US companies have more to fear from their own Mexican employees than they do from me. The Mexican people working in those bottling plants should be able to be trusted to fix this problem themselves. How are the people in this city supposed to keep hydrated at all?

It is because of how much I trust the Mexican people themselves that I sleep with my double windows completely open every night and that I want a permanent home here in the city that I can visit anytime I wish. I know what I am in this world and what I mean to people all over this planet. I know this means I cannot stay here comfortably and peacefully the rest of my life, as much as I would like to. I know I will have to leave; please trust I will come back. You should be able to trust me as much as I trust you... It would help if you would just speak to me instead of helping repeat lies about me.

As for the rest of my day, I plan to buy some hosiery and finally find a place to go dancing. I understand that the people around here are so thoroughly lied to that they do not allow me into bars where live musicians play due to some other illogical set of lies that could easily be cleared up if anybody were willing to speak to me at all. Yes, I know that a certain subset of the US executive branch is commanding the Mexican people to poison me at every turn. I know this because both my coffee and my orange juice here at the internet cafe have substances in them already that even the employees wish they could apologize for. And still, why Mexican people would listen to the US government at all is beyond me. But, I do sincerely hope to hear some live local music at some point. There are so many things here in La Ciudad that cannot be found anywhere else. These are things I am looking for while here.

I will be at the US embassy at 3PM, like I promised, to continue to attempt to make local phone calls. Every electronic object within the range of the equipment inserted into my body against my will does not work properly when near me. This includes but is not limited to computers and telephones. This is why I cannot communicate with any of my friends anywhere on this planet. Someday when doctors are finally allowed to acknowledge that all of the electronics put my body against my will are actually there, I will finally be able to have them all removed.

Until that day, which would be the beginning of my finally being allowed to go about this planet freely doing good things, and we know how many people need me to be able to do that, I have no choice but to fight through the methods in which I am expert the people insistent on attacking innocents around me in an openly immoral attempt to control me. They already know I am too morally good to be controlled by them directly. We are all baffled why they have not given up yet... I wonder what drives them so hard not to just admit the things they are already guilty of and just stop being idiots in the eyes of the world all of the time. For some reason, something drives them to just break more laws and make more witnesses of it all over this planet. What is it about me that makes the evil of this world fight so hard to make someone else appear guilty on their behalf? We already know who my real enemies are. And we all know that the certain subset of the US executive branch irrationally attacking me is the only entity that will and can be held responsible for all of this anyway, no matter what has happened or even will happen.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

The Communication Conundrum

Seeing as no emails are going to or from my email inbox unless the other person writing to me is a US federal agent making a very weak attemp to be a very dear old friend of mine, since I have no phone here, considering that people are also pretending to my dear old friends on my facebook friends list, because all messages and letters left for me at the hotel in which I am staying never reach me, and of course, because telephones refuse to function at all when I get near them, I stopped by my embassy here in México City ti finally be able to call somebody. It seems to cause some sort of international emergency when I show up on someone's doorstep unannounced to deliver a letter, but if you left ANY other means of communicating with another human being, I would not have to do that.

So, as I said, I stopped by my own embassy to use the phone, and as is their habit, they turned me away at the gate. It has happened more than once. In fact, they do it all the time while I am down here, despite my being a legal US citizen my ENTIRE life. Oddly, I have never been irrationally turned away from any other US embassy while traveling the world alone...

Anywho, the guard at the gate let me use the security guard's phone to talk to a lady inside with a voice a lot like our current Secretary of State who insisted the embassy was closed and that I could not possibly ever come in until Tuesday. By the way, this was well after the guard allowed other people into the embassy. So, I warned the lady on the phone that I was going to have all of my mail sent to the embassy for me to pick up since I had no other way to get mail. I warned her that all of my calls would then go through the embassy, that I would be sending all of my snail-mail from the embassy from now on, and that I would be using the embassy to make all of my calls.

This is the US Embassy in Mexico City. Please send all of my correspondence from now on here. Since, legally speaking, it is just another US address, I am on the verge of setting up a mail forward for all of the mail headed to my post office box in San Francisco, CA, as well as, all of the mail already held there for me.

United States Embassy to Mexico
Paseo de la Reforma 305
06500 México, D.F.
for US citizen: Tanya H. A. Varilek a.k.a. Squid B. Varilekova

All calls can be directed to 001-52-55-5209-9100... just ask to leave me a message. I'm sure my own embassy will know how to reach me while I am here; they are, afterall, the ones who put all of this transmitting equipment in my head against my will in the first place.

Now, I need to go someplace outside and see what fails to make sense this time. Yey! Enjoy that communicating with me thing!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

I'm So Sorry I Can't Help This Make Sense For You... It Will All Be Better When You Get To Ask Me Questions.

I was walking around yesterday looking at all of the pretty dresses and thinking about buying a few, but I would really rather wait until my normal body type comes back. There is something about the water around here, and by that I do not mean the amoeba, that makes me all funny-shaped. I know the certain subset of the US executive branch that kept attacking me with testosterone injections against my will while in the States noticed that it does nothing to me but change my body shape to prove they are attacking me with illegal testosterone injections and, of course, force me to write angry blog posts about it to defend myself. After MONTHS of it never working there at all in the first place, they have decided to do it here. Hello? If there was no sound theory behind the method to begin with and if you went on to prove it was even weaker a policy after impirical testing, their insistence on continuing with this particular form of pointless torture has proven that I have grossly underestimated the magnitude of the stupidity of that certain subset completely and totally. Well, even my intellect has its limitations.

Anyway, the whole point was that I don´t think I can do much for shopping for clothes these days until my body type comes back after a good long run of not being roofied or injected against my will. So, I will remain out in the public in the same dresses I always wear being my benevolent self in ways that make people completely recognize that I am the force for good facing down the US government all of the time. I would not have had to do this at all if they had not decided to be a force for evil (be it an incompetent force) where I could recognize it in the first place.

Oh, yeah, and I also know that you all noticed while I was in San Francisco that the fastest way to tick me off is to make any recognizable attempt at all to slow down my brain. We all know that this is how my brain functions with raging symptoms of PTSD and involuntary chemical alteration all over it. You mean you didn't notice it yet that hurting me at all makes all of this easier? I told you that already in this very blog months ago. And we all know that I am the one who does NOT lie.

And then I went out last night to find a bar full of people where I could listen to live music. While I was watching a cocktail waitress serve drinks to a table, the guy at the door told me that they were closed already. "Really?" I asked him, "But it is only 12:30AM." Hello! Whatever force is influencing the locals to be irrational and mean to me all at the same time, it is very easy to figure out that you just want everything around me to make you look stupider than you have ever looked before in the eyes of these locals! Yes, I have been to La Ciudad de México before! I spent time here as a teenager drinking and partying and dancing. I know that these activities are essential parts of your culture. I know that bands do not stop playing and drinks do not stop being served at 12:30AM... not in this city! When you decide to give the people of this beautiful city their freedoms and rights back to just be themselves, I will still be here being a benevolent influence peacefully fighting for the Constitutional rights to be restored to her home country of the United States of America... as well as every other good influence I have been on this world.

So, I went back to my hotel and asked the front desk for advice on where to go. "I´m young, my boyfriend is not around, and I need a drink and a chance to go dancing," is what I told them. They said I should go to the Zona Rosa. You know, I was at the Zona Rosa three or four days ago, and it was more than I could have ever hoped it would be. I went back two days later, and it had become Americanized almost over night. No, I will not spend time in that neighborhood that I had originally thought I would want to live in until it has the freedom to be itself. That is part of the point of complete equality between sexes and genders, isn´t it? People finally are capable of truly expressing (through law-abiding ways) who they really are to each other and especially to themselves!

And speaking of stupid ideas, what the hell is in the bottles of water in this city these days? Is it the same thing that was in the Mirinda I drank last night at dinner, the whatever that was in my coffee this morning at breakfast, or the haven't-you-learned-it-doesn't-work yet that was right here in my Fanta at this internet cafe? Look, I know good, well-meaning people when I meet them. That is how is know when and where I can find actual physical safety. My unsolcited advice the the locals: Take the bribe money, keep the drugs, and enjoy yourselves. It´s a waste of high-quality illegal substances giving them to a person they do not affect in the first place.

Oh, and as a final kicker, phones never work when I am near them, now. I only call my mother, anyway. Don´t you think that this is (of all examples I could make) an obvious misuse of government funds? I already pointed it out a few times, but the US rescue workers in Haiti were not allowed to administer EMERGENCY medical treatment to survivors because the US government did not know how to pay for it. However, the funds to do this highly expensive and goaless whatever-it-is that is expressed through seemingly randomly chosen ways to make the US government so apparently show off its idiocy in front of me has immediate, bottomless funds available. Aren't there hungry people you should be feeding out there somewhere?

Please keep your eyes open for something more useful I might be able to say if I could just have a few moments where I don't have to use my blog to blow off steam over the latest stupid thing my government did.

Posted without any proofreading.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Okay, You Mexican Nationals, You Actually Know Better...

It is one thing for US citizens to listen to the lies that the US government tells them, but as for the people of Mexico? Of all people on this planet, you should know better than to do anything that the US government wants you to do. Yes, that means all of you smarmy, dirty, old men who like to walk around talking to me or waving at me while I am trying to find an apartment or a new dress... Do you really think I would flirt with a dirty old man in the first place?

I am NOT a sexual object. Intellectuals do NOT enjoy being treated like a sexual object. It is one of the biggest insults to give us to treat us as though our exterior is the only quality we have. The only other thing that comes close is treating a woman as though she needs a man around to be able to ordinary daily things. In the immortal words of Bono, "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle." The only people who treat any woman capable of all the things of which I am capable as if she were a sexual object are men who listen to the US government tell them what to do. Any and all Mexican people should know better. And by Mexican I mean all of the people who live in this country, no matter how they identify their own ethnicity.

There was also a US veteran from the first Persian Gulf crisis who approached me in the Alameda Central. He made absolutely no sense, and I am worried that if he does not admit that all he does is lie, then he should admit himself to a VA hospital. It was one of those situations where 1.) he already knew who I am, 2.) still intentionally refused to make any logical sense, 3.) intentionally lied about knowing the geography of the Yucatán, 4.) tried to tell me I am Latina while still treating me like a rich gringa, 5.) and then feigned confusion about why I told him that his lawyer for dealing with illegally deported US citizens (particularly veterans) should just call me if she needs advice. I mean, who the hell doesn't know who I am and at least a small part of what I am capable of by now?

Yes, I walk through life being my normal, naturally law-abiding, polite, helpful, and irrationally plesant self not looking at all forward to the days when I will actually have to bring an air of who-do-you-think-you-are-dealing-with to get things done. Simply being my naturally polite self should be all I have to do to take care whatever crisis pops up in the first place... especially in a normally warm culture like this one. And yes, I consider it a very kind gift for which I am very grateful that the people here let me conduct my daily affairs like a normal non-grandiose person. I am savoring every last drop of normalcy I can before it all evaporates. Knowing that people here know who I really am and knowing that they are still allowing me to go through life as a normal person is something for which I will thank them for a very long time.

Also, and this one is for the certain subset of the US executive branch (Don't worry, it does not include the CIA.) that thinks is could ever get away with telling this nation and people what to do in the first place... even if the message only comes though US tourists... The buenagente of La Ciudad de Mexico should be free to just act like themselves. I know the US people have never had to face a terrorist US government before, so they did not know how to fight their own government effectively if at all. But the Mexican people, of all people on this planet, know better than to let the US government tell them what to do in the first place.

The US tourists who come here could really use a lesson from the Mexican people on how stand up for themselves and not let their government control them through lies. They have no experience with fighting a corrupt governing body with vigilance, and I know enough history of the people in this country that you can teach the world the importance of standing up for yourself. (This by no means is a comment on the current Mexican government. I never get the news. I do not know about any local politics.) If you want to, try telling the US tourists the truth as you know it. You will learn from each other. People who think for themselves and act through peaceful and law-abiding methods are unstoppable forces for good in the world.

How do I know it is the US government that is controlling people if those people are mean to me or flat-out do not make sense when we speak? I know because when I first arrived here, I was treated as though the people knew the truth about me, because anyone who does not listen to the propogated lies of the US government will treat me with at least the bare minimum of respect any human being is due, and because only the US could be so devious, nefarious, and incompetent as to think it could control the people in another nation and get away with it, anway. As I already said, people who think for themselves and act through peaceful and law-abiding methods are unstoppable forces for good in the world.

Yes, I know I do some strange things everyday that no one can ask me about, yet. I know I sit at restaurants late at night working through very high level mathematics on napkins. I know I sit in taquerias drinking tamarind juice and writing neo-formalist poetry in my creative writing journal. I know I walk through the Alameda Central singing along with the rock music (or even opera, on ocassion) that pours forth from the stereos of the people selling their wares. I know that when I dance, I close my eyes and move however the music inspires me; even though, I have never learned choreography nor even studied the technique for the proper dance for that type of music. I know I go everywhere alone right now. I know all of this is unusual, but I also know that I cannot help anyone understand me or what I do until people are allowed to have a real conversation with me.

As I told the US vet, I am not in Mexico looking for an American resort town. When I travel, I meet the local people and do the local things that people cannot do in the States... you know, like eat tasty local foods and learn about the everyday culture along side the culture shown in museums. And I do travel the world alone with no companion but my little Kermit doll as often as I can. This is not strange for me.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Sigh... Stretch... Sigh...

Mmmm... I'm getting all comfortable-like around here. I have decided to look for an apartment in a charming neighborhood, figure the most inviting dancfloors for each expertly performed musical niche I need satisfied, and of course, seek out a good local psychiatrist. If it seems like it will take longer than the next two months for either myself or my legal representative to receive ALL of my medical records so as to proceed through the Social Security benefits system, then I will seek out a Ph.D. program or maybe a highly nerdy occupation here in order to be able to stay here past three months with a proper and legal visa. I may insist on always doing whatever I damn well please, but I am always law-abiding about it.

Alright, here we go with the absurdities of what it is like for me to try to communicate with anybody right now that I cannot manage to see live and in person! I am in a foreign country, so my cellphone that has no international calling capabilities has not even been activated since the fifth of February. Naturally, this means that I procured a calling card for the local payphones that I have still only used successfully to call my mother's cellphone. I can sometimes get through to my parents' landline if I use the phone from my hotel room, but there is no guarantee. They really are the only people I have attempted to call except for one short attempt to call a local number that actually connected me with a fax machine. Huh, that seems to be the joy of international phone systems... when I use them.

I have also tried sending emails, but instead of reaching my friends, I ended up emailing back and forth with a long line of US federal agents who thought that somehow they could pretend to have had as long an understanding of my sense of humor with me as my real friends have. Not that I don't mind finally receiving an email or two, but please just be honest with me and spell out what you actually need me to talk to you about. Prevaricating about the bush pretending to be people you probably have never met in the first place is no way to do anything but politely invite me to toy with you. You handed me the strings. All I did was giggle while I pulled them. But thanks, it was kinda fun.

Facebook has been odd... What is the deal with all of the photos of people with flames pouring forth from their hands? Is it in reference to "Krull"? Oh, and the lack of actual communication with me through that particular interface? Am I supposed to believe that Syniva actually traveled to San Francisco and never told me about it when she got home? This stuff is just makes me scream "Seriously?" all over the place.

I have no idea if my casual, everyday, nobody-has-killed-me-yet snail-mail actually gets through since I do not have a reliable return mail address and since I mailed all of the letters too recently for them to get there anyway. So, I tapped into my internalized knowledge of other cultures to send letters through embassies while I am here. Yes, it is an ESSENTIAL part of French culture to deliver a love letter from one world famous lover to another especially when the two (oh so romantically) still have never met each other despite never giving up. Yes, it is an ESSENTIAL part of British culture to deliver an expertly crafted Shakespearean sonnet (written in less than ten minutes over bistec and cactus tacos at a taqueria in México City) from an English language author to a Shakespearean actor. These moments are matters of pride for these cultures. Also, volleying logical possibilties back and forth before smapping a stamp on an envelope for a win to get a letter to a cultural ambassador from the world of sports to the world of art who happens to be a Swiss national is pretty much the only way the Swiss Embassy would have wanted that letter to get through at all, too.

I cannot believe the only way I have left to reliably get a message to ANYONE involves lots of envelopes, taxi rides, foreign diplomats, pulling on gates when the locks buzz, and speaking through intercoms... but you know what, if that is the only way to send mail at all, YES I will do it. I have this things with needing to write and communicate.

As for real live human interactions with the people of this fair city... as far as I can tell, the only thing they are allowed to acknowledge about me at all is that I am freedom fighter self-exiled from the US in order to bring an end to the faschist regime running that once great country. Have I told you yet how hard it is to communicate with people in the US even when you are in there yourself? In order to get off the ground at all to fly here, the certain subset of the US executive branch forced the foreign airline using the domestic airport to give me a specific meal with what they seem to have been told were "magic mushrooms" in it. This is a GREAT story, but sadly, you'll have to ask me how that story ends sometime when the public is allowed to have conversations about actual things, again. (Tease, tease.)

Oh, and whoever arranged a long line of crotch shots of Colin Farrell to be flashed through my dedicated television broadcast while I ate dinner, thank you. It is always when the weird things take me by surprise to make me feel loved that I emit the highest quantity of giggles. Hee-hee.

And before I go out into the many people of La Ciudad de México to see what sort of things that don't make sense are going to happen next, I would like to leave with the only film reference I know of that uses "Scheherezade" by Rimsky-Korsakov.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

As if it couldn´t get anymore pathetic out there...

Dude! Alright, we have been through this already, but let´s start all over again.

These two following paragraphs are opinions, but at least they are thorough and logically sound opinions: The only way to maintain a morally-implemented "Code of Silence" at all, it must, at the bare minimum, 1.) maintain all basic human rights including PRIVACY, 2.) be law-abiding in all ways, 3.)remain logically consistent, 4.) keep the subject complacent, and 5.) neither remove nor prevent natural occurances in mythe subject´s life such as any communication with any long-time friends.

This, of course, includes allowing me a doctor that can treat my entire person, mind, and body from all REAL ills. It includes allowing me an occupation befitting of my skill set in intellectual pursuits. It includes allowing me a lawyer, when necessary, to help right all wrongs done against me through the existing legal systems. It includes a normal PROGRESSION of activities and EVENTS in my life from the starting point of the "Code of Silence" to when-so-ever it may end in its own natural progression of growth. It includes a well-defined small set of TRUTHS that are to be kept away from the singular person upon which the "Code of Silence" does fall, and that small set cannot grow to include other things that are natural results of events that occur AFTER the "Code of Silence" is enstated. It also includes, among many other things, a very well-defined ending point, not one that can be moved around at the whim of a terrorist or dictator president in a childish effort to never be found guilty of deeply immoral-wrongdoings.

The paragraph of obvious SUGGESTIONS of behavior still expressed as opinions: Supposing that the method by which a "Code of Silence" is implemented might change hands, then the new authority that handles the new implementation must follow all of the above rules, as well. If an intentionally immorally-implemented "Code of Silence" should become discovered as implemented through inherrently and intentionally immoral methods (pardon any redundancies in there), it should be ended immediately, so as not to continue a long progression of illegal activities committed by the implementing authority that include suspending or flat-out removing many MORE innocent people's rights or freedoms. If an intentionally immorally-implemented "Code of Silence" should change hands to an actually well-meaning authority who plans to attempt an implementation of an actually morally-implemented (Wow! That sounds like a whole lot of legalease!) "Code of Silence" then that new authority should start the "Code of Silence" all over again with only the well-defined small subset of TRUTHS being the only things kept away from the person upon which the "Code of Silence" has fallen.

And here we find a response to a pathetic email attempt at sounding like one of my childhood friends. She has much better language skills. As you can see, I am still a bit ticked off with my inability to have any basic human rights even here where I am, particularly PRIVACY.

Please, again, remember that this was a private email sent by me to who was supposed to be my dear-old friend.

-----start quoted text-----
["She" asked why I traveled to Mexico City.]
Eh... why not? I direly need the bullshit removed from my head for severe medical reasons that will hopefully turn out benign. After all, I never gave anyone permission to put the crap in my head. And, I am the one who owns it, by virture of it being inside my body. I gave no one permission to activate it. I gave no one permission to receive its signals. I gave no one permission to use its signals.
And, I own rights to all content transmitted by said illegal equipment placed inside my body. If I say I want it removed, it really ought to be removed. There is no justifiable reason by any person who has taken a Hippocratic oath to not remove electronic equipment this close to someone´s brain, in the first place.

Also, ever since I knew it was all there shortly after I was discharged from my hospital stay, the only conceivable reason Obama would insist it stay inside my body, as if he had a choice over anything that happens inside my body to begin with, was that it might actually tempt me to kill myself and let him off the hook from outing the stuff that Mr. Johnny Depp does NOT yet know about yet that I do.
I mean, really, we all know that being kept in a vacuum of his lies works to my advantage; it has this entire time.

Besides, if don´t force this over with as soon as possible, odds are that the US will continue under a faschist regime with little or no contact with the outside world until I die comfortably in my vast old age of 97 in a beautiful foreign country. At which time, the truth will come out in its incompleteness without me to hold it accountable for everything I already figured out by not being subject to his tirade of lies. Then [again], I would have a back up plan in [place for any] time of my death anyway... It´s just that I wouldn´t be around `[then in order] to expertly keep people calm and sensible.

Oh, and while your at it, please tell the Feds to tell Obama that we all know I am immune to all of these diseases that he insists on trying to infect me with. We have already run the full gammut of the-deadly-and-infectious. Just let my anthrax breakout heal already. We know that none of the strains of anthrax, and he has exposed me to all of them, even scar me permanently, anyway.

Oh, and as a message to the Feds themselves... you´re just getting pathetic. I´m even outside of your jurisdiction, and I can still see that you are all still just wimpering in the dark without any toe-hold on competence. You must get it from your president. Enjoy!

-----end quoted text-----

As can be learned from this email, communications with close personal friends are frought with phrasologies typically only in which the other close personal friend might find the true meanings. As we can see, only I and my close personal friend would ever know what the message above ever honestly truly meant. Taking personal communications (inlcuding emails, voicemails, facebook comments, etc...) out of the context (legally or illegally) of the mutual knowledge and experiences of the two REAL people communicating would most likely find any other readers' interpretations full of unreliable inferences. Any response to such an email that would be unfitting for such a good, dear friend would inherrently mean that I could write any silly ole thing I felt like writing in response. Yey! For the true experiences of actual friendship.

Oh, and since you are all still reading, anyway. No, none of you have my permission to watch me in the privacy of my own home. I know there must be a legal justification to think that I might EVER commit a crime in my home based upon a well-established history of DOCUMENTED committed crimes in order to have ANY legal grounds to watch anyone within my home. I also know my police record in all places I have ever resided by heart: I had one confusion over driving on an out-of-state license while in California. There we go; was that a basis for any PATTERN of any illegal behavior? By the way, in REAL investigations, the footage is NOT released unless it is a circumstance such as needing help with a search for a suspect or something. And any release of such footage for any form of monetary gain falls under all licensing laws already established.

I have yet to hear any justification for WHY any division of the US executive branch would ever find the ditherings of my silly ole blog or even my historically-intended-entirely-and-only-for-good-friends Facebook feed at all ever slightly even interesting... least of all, the goings on in my own email inbox, telephone receiver, or private home. I am not stupid. I am pretty sure that if there were any FACTUAL grounds to be interested in any of my private domains, I would be able to figure it out. I have heard nothing, yet.

There are so many MORE things to say... Please take care out there. If anyone knows of any properly, scientifically tested method for removing bugs and speakers from ears, please let me know. From what I have put together, they just stay in your ear FOREVER just festering away and attempting to let the government command you. Be careful with what they try to make you believe. Please always temper it with reality. For further information on what-to-do-when-you-find-a-chip-in-your-ear, please consult my Facebook note entitled "Hypothetically speaking… a writing exercise in case science fiction becomes reality..." All of mine were completely involuntary.

Posted with a tiny bit of proofreading.

Monday, February 8, 2010


Yup, I am starting this one smap dab on midnight. Yey, hmmmm...., I suppose any day could be a holiday, right? Then, YEY! The Ninth of February party shall begin!

The other night I had the pleasure of watching the SuperBowl XLIV and Woo-hoo! Go Nawlins! Thank you, Saints, for giving us all something to believe in for so long!

Well, here I am in the beloved Ciudad de México. I spent all weekend sleeping in and eating tasty (local or just made locally) foods. I even found an Argentine restaurant below a bookstore... sigh... books are so romantic. Eck! Sorry, there. My inner nerd was showing. I have found that actually not having to spend so much time actively not dying has freed up my mind for some far more artistic things.

I think I might take up writing beautiful fictions, again. After some sort of techno-invader disabled my word-spinning habit leaving me to construct text at public computers in the San Francisco Public Library system not so long ago, people all over my neighborhood started asking why I was not writing any more. Well, that is sort of difficult when a person has only one hour a day at a public computer, huh? But why people would not even show an interest in any of the writing (all of which they had never asked to see in the first place) until after my computer was incapacitated is beyond me. Anyway, now that I am not constantly stressed over looking for physical safety and food I can actually afford to eat, I might actual be able to return to creating artisticly syntaxed passages on variously catawumpus-wise knotted plotlines. I have been looking forward to that for quite some time. Honestly, back when I had to spend all of my time at a computer actively fighting to somehow obtain my basic human rights, again, how was I supposed to do anything else but fight?

I know I also want to go see the Ballet Folklórico this coming Wednesday night. After spending today making a few social calls, I was thinking about spending tomorrow or the next day at the Basílica de Guadalupe and Teotihuacan. I also DEFINITELY need to take the grand tour of the nerdier sights here in el Centro, and if I actually am able to acquire residence in a little cottage in costal village like my friends here recommended, I might be able to do a little shopping before I go... not that I would complain if I found an apartment in one of the cuter neighborhoods around here; the music in this city is amazing. But it really is up to the best option out of my friends' suggestions.

The other night, I had an odd moment with a gentleman at the front desk who caught me a bit off guard when he tried to flirt with me. I was quite flattered and answered in rather uncomfortable Spanish. From what I could tell, he took it to mean that I am some sort of fancy-clothes nun: always sweet, always pleasant, always helpful, never dressed like a nun, and clearly with a heart in the starry sky somewhere. Sadly, I find I might have to "leave my order" when the love of my life, the man upon which I have had a personality crush since childhood, might randomly wander by. I plan to write him fan mail, soon. Hee-hee! If I manage to get a permanent address somewhere around here guaranteeing my physical safety and the ability to finally sleep all night without raging hunger, I might even write some twirling, steamy, romantic snail-mail letters to him EVERYDAY. Oh, that dreamy Mr. Johnny Depp, you make me want to slowly dip a purple inkpen.

Looking back on the process I had for finding flights to get out of the country, standing there in the international terminal of SFO with a list of airline numbers in one hand and a payphone receiver in the other, I tried Quantas first. The lady was excedingly helpful when I told her that I wanted to do something exciting between that moment and the moment when my soul might finally drift off into the ether. I just could not afford it. Virgin Atlantic put me on hold for a bit and for quite understandable reasons, so I pondered Emirates for a while... I mean, why not? Right? I had always wanted to see Dubai. I could not seem to place which airline could best get me to Kathmandu, so I trusted to myself, my person, and my mind to the ever vigilant Mexicana. And thank goodness for that.

And this is how I found myself here in the beloved Ciudad de México. Here's to a long, friendly relationship with neither physical nor mental attacks in either direction. Yey!

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Yeesh! That last post, if not read in my normal full-smiling voice sounds a bit mean-tempered, doesn´t it?

I have got to tell you, being here in Mexico City has been a breath of fresh air, despite the city´s long battle with air quality. Just being surrounded by people who are so free, so insistent on being themselves, so capable (social-pressure-free-wise) to speak their minds is more than refreshing. I don´t know if this is most obvious because of the feeling in the air or because I really do feel elation at seeing truly, sincerely happy people. Of course, it also helps that I am neither physically nor verbally attacked inside the place where I dwell or even with every three steps I take while out in public. It has been so long since I have had this level of social, mental, and physical safety. Yesterday while buying ibuprofen, I even broke into tears.

When I was in Mexico City in October, I cried because I was helpless at finding safety for myself and was going to be sent back the US. Yesterday I cried because someone was nice to me. It had been so long. I had forgotten what that felt like.

Still on the topic of La Ciudad de México, ... The certain subset of the US executive branch that really does not think very fondly of me has a tendency to terrorize all people around me whether those people like me or not. We all already know that I will not return to the States until my rights and freedoms can be guaranteed there; I should not have to dwell on my inability there to see a medical doctor, inability to hire lawyer except for my Social Security benefits hearing, inability to find even a modicum of privacy, inability to be allowed employment, inability to have safety when I sleep, etc... This complete and total lack of rights is already well documented. Well, should that the terrorist regime running the US executive branch decide to terrorize or even merely harrass the good people around me now (over which, I might add, they have no authority) through any methods including infectious diseases that the US medical community has already established I cannot fall ill to... It means I just need to keep moving. I wonder how the weather is in Cuba right now. I have been meaning to take Cuban salsa lessons for a while, and we all know I have an uncontrollable inner drive to protect the innocent...
just something for the US government to think about.

That said, I did have to blow off some steam, obviously, when I sat down to write my blog post last afternoon. Of course, I had already just sent the email included below to someone I met in Spec´s the other night who wrote to me teasing me about being so negative... (The typos are corrected in square brackets.)

-----start quoted text-----

So sorry, I didn´t know that refusing to allow the US government that lives everyday in morbid fear of me, how I am honest, how they cannot force me to break the law, and [how] they cannot even coerce me into being anyone other than myself soley because I know how much of the world still needs me means that I am at all even slightly negative. What the US (including you, dearheart) needs is more people standing up for their own rights, freedoms, and the ACTUAL American way. Maybe then, our country would not be stuck under the fascist regime it is merely enduring instead of fighting, now. "You cannot fool all of the people all of the time." should be followed up with... especially if you give each geographic region inside the country a completely different set of lies. What happens if an American travels to a foreign country [like] Argentina, learns the truth about a woman they were bludgeoned into hating through being given obvious untruths, and then returns home? It is the US government´s inherrent inability to keep its story logical that is its own undoing.

Unsolicited advice to the US government: Never threaten a woman you already know can think her own thoughts with "death at any moment" and then expect her to [do] anything but want to die just being herself. If maintaining my love for all of humanity, defending the innocent US citizens who were terrorized into attacking me on behalf of the government so that the government would not have to take the fall alone instead of being myopic and only going after the patsies, and, of course, (Have you seen the weather in DC lately?) insisting on finally somehow receiving news on global climate change so that I can help humanity through it means that I am at all negative, it is clear that you need to ask yourself some questions.

I know who I am in this world. I wish I knew the full effects of my actions, and yes, I do NOT look forward to days when people expect me to be self-important. Do you know why you do what you do? Do you know what force is making YOU do the things you are doing? Unsolicited advice to you: Just think it all through for yourself. I am not here to tell you what to believe nor what to do. You should have the freedoms to do that for yourself.

Please take care,
Tanya H. A. Varilek
Squid B. Varilekova
-----end quoted text-----

Also on the topic of emails I have sent... It's not like the certain subset of the US executuve branch that really has it in for people being honest and communicating with each other partucularly while within the US (and from outside to inside the US) doesn't know where I am at all times. It's not like that transmitter in my septum (against my will) isn't still active (against my will). So, why is it that the email included below which I sent to eight very dear people in my life has had only one response?... a response from a new friend of mine from North Beach named Ron Suverkrop.

-----start quoted text-----
Hello, my lovelies!

I´m still alive and kicking! Syn, if there is any way to get a
message to Amita, please let her also know no one has killed me, yet.
I know that you, my dear friends, have been having as many problems
calling people and receiving voicemails as I did while in the US. I
do, honestly, plan to come back to the States when the situation is
resolved enough that my Social Security Disability Benefits lawyer can
actually get his hands on my ACTUAL medical records. Oh, and what is
the deal with telling people it is only my symptoms talking and still
denying me a doctor and actual medical treatments?

I´m still out here fighting the good fight. Please take care of
yourselves. If I receive no response to this email (in the actual
syntax and vocabulary of my friends), we all know what I will
conclude... Yup, it means that the US is that much more oppressed than
I had been allowed to surmise while there, and I need to keep bringing
it. Poor US government... so scared of me, the fact I am only my own
benevolent and honest self, and so desperate to not let the world know
some true things.

I know I am technically in the jurisdiction of the CIA, but I know
they are in foreign countries often enough to know who I really am and
that I just want all of the US to have its freedoms and rights back,
too. They lived through knowing what life under the Iron Curtain was
like, and they know that, among other good things I have as goals, I
am actually doing my best out here to even help save the US and what
the US is actaully meant to stand for. I did not bring a hard copy of
the Constitution with me, but I know that they are actually allowed to
look it up online. I have faith the CIA will do the right thing.
They are too knowledgable not to.

As I said, please take care. This WILL get better. I´m working on it.

-- Tanya a.k.a. Squid
-----end quoted text-----

Now, all I need to know is that my mother actually did receive the email that I sent to her.

I joyfully hit a Latin Roots dance floor during the hours where last night met early this morning. Wow! I have NOT partner danced to such quality of Latin music in years. Just like my Spanish speaking and listening skills, though, it is all coming back quickly. Following someone´s lead on a dance floor takes more mental energy than leading. It is one of the ways that I should employ more often to keep my mind sharp. Somehow, completely making things up as you go along is unbelievably powerful for keeping one´s mind attuned to only doing good and doing it effectively in the world. It is hard for someone to squash your plans on a dancefloor if you don´t even have any. (There is no better offense than a good defense.)

Furthermore, no matter how much I get done while I am in town; this trip will not be a success unless I also get a little Mexican rock music while I am here. I wonder where I have to go looking for some El Tri or some Heavy Nopal or some mariachi-rock like Los Lobos. On my list of other things that will make this trip a success include finally getting new lenses for my glasses. I can actaully afford them here. Maybe I will finally get around to buying a new watch, too. I have already been taking care of sleeping well for once and eating enough food to support my BMI. Hmmm... depending on how my finances look when I analyze them, I might get around to procuring some beautiful new clothes from Mexican stores and designers. It is a weird feeling knowing that I can actually buy a new pair of shoes without requiring that someone give me a gift card first.

I also MUST see the sights of Mexico City while I am here. I have been sleeping in so late due to finally being able to sleep safely that I have missed most of the museum hours. My short list includes the Zócalo, the Biblioteca México, the Museo Postal, the Museo Nacional de Historia, and of course, the Zona Rosa. I am going to make sure I see every example of the capablities of the culture that makes the Mexican people so proud to be themselves. Humanity is such a beautiful thing.

Okay, I am posting this one, again, without proofreading. This internet cafe closed a few minutes ago. More tomorrow!

Parting questions: For the Patriot Act to remain at all patriotic, shouldn´t we use it to take down the terrorist running the executive branch? Or was it already deemed unConstitutional to use the Patriot Act because it violates so many of the ammendments in the Bill of Rights? The president is still a US citizen, right?

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Just In Case Foreign Nationals Might Read This

Hello World!!! (How is that for a programming flashback?)

I spent somewhere around twelve hours at the airport in Guadalajara yesterday, and I think the US government has made it abundantly clear to the Mexican government and people just how much that certain subset of the US executive branch fears me and my insistence on telling the truth. You know, living in the US, as of late, fits all of those descriptions my family in the Czech Republic told me about living under the eventually fascist ways of the now gone Soviet regime. Did nobody think I would notice that my own friends were completely terrified all of the time, not to mention my family?

I just called my dad last night, and he was still being terrorized. Apparently, my absence from the country has not fixed anything there. I cannot wait to see the faces of relief on the citizens of my country when they are finally returned the freedoms to speak the truth to each other and with foreign nationals. They faces might be followed with moments of "Why was I so stupid to fall for it?" But, when the, "Oh, I was terrorized into thinking and acting that way by my own government," finally sets in, I am sure they will be relieved that there is at least one woman in the world trying to defend them against the domestic terrorist regime oppressing them.

Oh, well, that and WHY THE HELL ARE YOU STILL TERROROZING MY FATHER??? Hello! Of all the people in my life, he was the one who fell for the let´s-kill-her-to-save-ourselves crap that the government was trying to convince everyone of for so long. He listened to you. He did what you wanted. Get off his back already. If he didn´t have the alibi of an easily diagnosable mental illness he has been living with for years, I do NOT know what may have become of him by now. Yes, you silly cetain subset of the US executive branch, that means there is extra evidence that you have been preying on mentally ill family almost as long as you have been attacking me for being innocent, speaking the truth, and not letting you coerce me into not being my natural self.

Imagine that, I insisted on my Constitutional rights as well as my basic human rights, so you took them away from the entire nation. Was that to help me blend in? No one does like being oppressed alone, but we all know, all it did was create and enire country of witnesses. How do you plan on maintaining your domestic regime of terror against the entire US if I am not even there for you to force them into attacking? Let´s wait and see how you mess this one up and makes things even worse for yourselves. Huh, you are the ones that make sure I never get any news about the lies you spread about me; isn´t it telling that I was capable of all this without getting any useful news and even that this was easier for me without having to hear those untruths I had to defend myself against blindly at all?

Test #3 Update: I just received an email from Finn O´Mahoney. That makes TWO entire messages received about that post.

The email confirmed for me the need of people living with mental illnesses to tell their stories about what it is like inside a crazy mind. I sent him a message through Facebook recently reasserting the need to tell our doctors what this experience is like and urging our doctors to talk to each other about real life experiences of their mentally ill patients. They will finally be able to give us completely effective treatments if they understand what it is like in here with all of our actual symptoms. It is very difficult to become a MD if you have a severely debilitating mental illness; there are very few ways for them to have hands on experience with the symptoms, the treatments, and the meds. We need to tell them what it is like.

I still do NOT look forward to the days when people expect me to be self-important, but I do plan on going dancing tonight.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

So Sorry I Was Too Mellowed Out Yesterday to Write All of This...

Here are the major five things that ticked me off to finish the blisteringly honest blog post that only alluded to yesterday:

1.) I searched for available apartments in the DC area. Among the things I found were absolutely none in the actual market range for a studio apartment in DC proper. There were also zero, zip, zilch listed as available in Lafayette Square itself. Quite suspicious, eh? I know it is not CraigsList leaking, though, and that is the best part. They are doing exactly what the government told them to do, I assume, and it is some other source of internet interference that affects all of my received search results. I wonder how the new Head of Cyber-Security feels about this.

2.) I have not yet been allowed to see the Australian Open 2010 Women's Singles Final. I could find no place showing it live, and even a friend who had recorded it and not seen it yet who had offered to watch it with me seems to have been stopped from allowing me to watch it after all. Will I ever see it?

3.) Odd conversations that sought me out at Spec's Adler Museum Cafe the other night almost sent me over the why-are-people-allowed-near-me-when-they-know-they-will-only-act-embarassingly-stupid-in-the-first-place edge. The first was a man whom I had never met before asking me if the snail-mail letter I was writing to my childhood friend still in Iowa was a Republican Manifesto. What? Why would I write a Republican Manifesto in the first place least of all in a snail-mail letter to my friend whose nickname (among many) in high school was "Bolshevik"? AND, why would any person think that a random woman with a flower in her hair sitting in Spec's, of all bars, were a Republican in the first place? I may have no issue with being called a "drag queen" or "witch," but some labels really sting. The second was a woman who tried to convince me that I am better off now as a slave-and-rape-victim-with-no-basic-human-rights than any generations that ever came before me. Sometimes, it is very difficult to remain polite. She also insisted on discussing Celtic lore with me among other things; even though, I obviously know nothing about it. Why can't random people come up to me to discuss the "Epic of Gilgamesh" or maybe models of non-Euclidean geometry on ocassion? I do sincerely enjoy when people talk nerdy to me. The third offensive conversation came from some man person whom I had chastise into behaving like a gentleman by refusing to let him talk over me all of the time. He was at about the right age to behave as if he were a courteous and respectful adult. What the hell was his problem? The whole mess made me think of my high school US history teacher Mr. Brejcha for whom the class after me created t-shirts that read, and I might be paraphrasing, "Brejcha for President! I am not a faschist." I bet that would work in this current political climate.

4.) Also, the direct deposit from the insurance company with which I took out a policy while last employed and which normally works like clockwork straight into my account was not there yet. It is obviously due to no fault of the insurance company nor due to any error on behalf of the bank with which I have accounts. Gee, I wonder why my normal everyday banking activities are suddenly being tampered with as if an inexplicable hiccup were jumping up and down on my finances right now.

5.) And this final point is the kicker... I spent all of yesterday trying to look normal while in the throws of chemical withdrawal. I have no idea where an addiction-level dosage of any substance might have come from, and I definitely have no history of regular, voluntary activity with any illicit substances. For further details on this, please consult my hair.

So, there we are... there are the things that ticked me off into writing something blistering honest today.

I was at Amante the other night. Come to think of it, I am at Amante most nights, but Monday night had a wonderful pianist playing wonderful music and letting people sing along with her. While I have never claimed to be a singer and definitely never claimed to be a good singer, some guy whom I had never met before kept screaming completely insincere and obviously forced-to-be-annoying cheers at me. What? Hello? Do I even sound like I am pretending to give a performance in the first place? I just felt like singing in a mostly empty bar with an amazing pianist. Anyway, I am on a mission to make Amante, you know, the bar with entire drum kit over the front door and the electric bass on the back wall, finally treated like a rock bar. I hope the owners don't mind.

While sitting at the bar there at Amante the other night, I called an exboyfriend that I have always called Mr. Whisky. (He is a bit of a Scotch drinker.) He fell into the category of terrorized-into-not-being-able-to-hold-a-normal-conversation that night... even on a topic on which he is an expert. I hope he is not permanently damaged by such terrorism; however, according to the ICTYugoslavia Furundyija judgement, not only is rape, when used for interogation, a particularly vile war crime, but also Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is established as not being able to render a victim unreliable. So, even if he is being terrorized, we know he can be a witness on his own behalf to make sure that which terrorizes him can finally be stopped. I wonder if any other people in this city... or any other city... might need that sort of knowledge to keep themselves safe.

What is the official definition of terrorism, anyway? According to, it seems to include not only all of the things I mentioned in my post yesterday but also living in fear of acting normally in a public place. After all, if any such behavior were expected of the American people, what would people be so afraid of that they would allow themselves to be terrorized into losing all of their rights and freedoms? Let us hypothetically say that some sort of international "Code of Silence" were dropped on a person against her will requiring that all people near her never listen to her pleas for physical safety, never acknowledge all of the laws being broken to harm her, and even not allow the public to ask her why she does what she does in order to have her basic human rights back... like privacy. Well, the US government's method of interpreting and implementing that "Code of Silence" would actually have to be written law ratified by both houses of Congress in order for it to be legally binging in the first place. Otherwise, how could the US executive branch or even any local officials be able to claim anyone did anything prosecutable in the first place? That's a good question, huh?

In yesterday's blog post, I already spelled out the many ways that it is obvious that the government and its particularly immoral and inherrently illogical implementation of any such supposed "Code of Silence" makes it obvious that the only such "leaks" are the government anyway, but should that the government require you to do something to make you a patsy that can take the fall on their behalf,... a.) Make sure you get it in writing. This is to keep you safe; I will never ask to see such writing in the first place. b.) Make sure they also put in writing HOW you are supposed to accomplish such goal. This way, they cannot claim that you did it improperly. c.) As long as your task is not malicious or illegal, I am pretty sure that I can get you through it with very little harm done to either of us. I have months of practice at this now. d.) If it is blatantly illegal or if they flat out refuse to put it in writing, just get the money up front, don't commit the crime, and still do not perjure yourself when it comes to actually holding the truly guilty parties accountable. How is that for unsolicited advice from me?

This will all end when the terrorist in charge finally stops being a terrorist. Sadly, I fear this means he will have to finally break and admit culpability. I do not negotiate with terrorists. Besides, if some sort of "mysterious" method kills me all supposedly secretly-like, the whole world already knows that the certain subset of the US executive branch is the guilty culprit anyway. What the hell do I have to lose be sitting around in public places being my peaceful, atheistic, ragingly intelligent self, drinking coffee, getting goofy on whiskey, using the internet on ocassion, or refusing to let men who are not the love of my life flirt with me? If it was established the second I first stepped foot in the psychiatric ward at the University of Minnesota-Fairview that some "force that is" could take away my life at any moment, why would I do anything but be myself from then forward?

I suppose, hypothetically speaking, of course, some such a "Code of Silence" were to exist in order to do something... who knows what... the only proper and inherrently logical way to implement it would have been to make me complacent from the start and never suspend any of my basic or Constitutional human rights in the first place. Then again, if I were under such a terrorist implementation of a "Code of Silence," then my established Power of Attorney would have carte blanche (sp?) to rage with lawsuits and charges on my behalf, anyway, to bring all of this illegal activity to an end. Assuming that it is established that a Power of Attorney could make decisions on my behalf at all right now.

Online... no proofreading...

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

My Own Personal Creation Myth I Wrote About Myself... and other things

Yeesh! So, I was severly ticked off yesterday because of an abrasive and confrontational man who made absolutely no sense when he spoke to me and decided to write out all of the details on just how many signs I have seen that a certain subset of the US executive branch has been and still is committing acts of terrorism against the people around me. You know, lying to a population and emotionally manipulating them into committing crimes is just the beginning. When people are too terrified to tell the truth and are then too terrified to even repeat a lie that was unsubstantiated in the first place, then our government has officially proven that they are terrorists. The best ways to fight terrorism, of course, are 1.) removing the terrorist and 2.) not letting the terrorist contol you, anyway. There are things I say time and time again... They include that people really need to think things through for themselves after they hear things and that we are all due the rights and freedoms that out government was contructed to protect and guarantee. These rights do NOT include fearing that a missile that has never really existed might land on your head if you actually DO behave in a law-abiding manner, if you do NOT take a bride to put lethal substances in someone's food, or if you DO bother to tell the truth to each other instead of lies you were told in order to scare people all that much more.

However, that process of just spelling out that the government needs to learn how to follow its own laws, rules, and, etc... would have been followed up by my definition of a "leak" in a "Code of Silence." Yeah, sorry, you can't be a "leak" if you repeat a lie that you were terrorized into believing in the first place. In that case, the people propogating the untruths and mentally bludgeoning people to believe them are the obvious people actually leaking. There are many other ways to be a leak. Of course, telling people to irrationally confront me physically or mentally about things that I obviously do not know about because in all reality I never did them, yup, well, there is another obvious leak. Well, then there is also pumping voices into my ears with technology I never wanted there in the first place... I never would have figured out is was speakers and not symptoms if they could actually have played Yoyo-Ma's Bach Cello Suites like I requested the very first time I heard voices in my head this time around. The again, that is an obvious one. My symptoms have my knowledge base, too.

So, instead of being able to spell all of those things out in detail because I happened to come across the cover story for the February issue of GQ which somehow immediately made me revert to behaving like my inner shy and giddy school girl, I am going to say this instead... We all want to write our own creation myth for ourselves... You should ask me about mine sometime.

The first "Test #3" has been received... It was from a Thomas Gaffney and in email form.