I have got to tell you, being here in Mexico City has been a breath of fresh air, despite the city´s long battle with air quality. Just being surrounded by people who are so free, so insistent on being themselves, so capable (social-pressure-free-wise) to speak their minds is more than refreshing. I don´t know if this is most obvious because of the feeling in the air or because I really do feel elation at seeing truly, sincerely happy people. Of course, it also helps that I am neither physically nor verbally attacked inside the place where I dwell or even with every three steps I take while out in public. It has been so long since I have had this level of social, mental, and physical safety. Yesterday while buying ibuprofen, I even broke into tears.
When I was in Mexico City in October, I cried because I was helpless at finding safety for myself and was going to be sent back the US. Yesterday I cried because someone was nice to me. It had been so long. I had forgotten what that felt like.
Still on the topic of La Ciudad de México, ... The certain subset of the US executive branch that really does not think very fondly of me has a tendency to terrorize all people around me whether those people like me or not. We all already know that I will not return to the States until my rights and freedoms can be guaranteed there; I should not have to dwell on my inability there to see a medical doctor, inability to hire lawyer except for my Social Security benefits hearing, inability to find even a modicum of privacy, inability to be allowed employment, inability to have safety when I sleep, etc... This complete and total lack of rights is already well documented. Well, should that the terrorist regime running the US executive branch decide to terrorize or even merely harrass the good people around me now (over which, I might add, they have no authority) through any methods including infectious diseases that the US medical community has already established I cannot fall ill to... It means I just need to keep moving. I wonder how the weather is in Cuba right now. I have been meaning to take Cuban salsa lessons for a while, and we all know I have an uncontrollable inner drive to protect the innocent...
just something for the US government to think about.
That said, I did have to blow off some steam, obviously, when I sat down to write my blog post last afternoon. Of course, I had already just sent the email included below to someone I met in Spec´s the other night who wrote to me teasing me about being so negative... (The typos are corrected in square brackets.)
-----start quoted text-----
So sorry, I didn´t know that refusing to allow the US government that lives everyday in morbid fear of me, how I am honest, how they cannot force me to break the law, and [how] they cannot even coerce me into being anyone other than myself soley because I know how much of the world still needs me means that I am at all even slightly negative. What the US (including you, dearheart) needs is more people standing up for their own rights, freedoms, and the ACTUAL American way. Maybe then, our country would not be stuck under the fascist regime it is merely enduring instead of fighting, now. "You cannot fool all of the people all of the time." should be followed up with... especially if you give each geographic region inside the country a completely different set of lies. What happens if an American travels to a foreign country [like] Argentina, learns the truth about a woman they were bludgeoned into hating through being given obvious untruths, and then returns home? It is the US government´s inherrent inability to keep its story logical that is its own undoing.
Unsolicited advice to the US government: Never threaten a woman you already know can think her own thoughts with "death at any moment" and then expect her to [do] anything but want to die just being herself. If maintaining my love for all of humanity, defending the innocent US citizens who were terrorized into attacking me on behalf of the government so that the government would not have to take the fall alone instead of being myopic and only going after the patsies, and, of course, (Have you seen the weather in DC lately?) insisting on finally somehow receiving news on global climate change so that I can help humanity through it means that I am at all negative, it is clear that you need to ask yourself some questions.
I know who I am in this world. I wish I knew the full effects of my actions, and yes, I do NOT look forward to days when people expect me to be self-important. Do you know why you do what you do? Do you know what force is making YOU do the things you are doing? Unsolicited advice to you: Just think it all through for yourself. I am not here to tell you what to believe nor what to do. You should have the freedoms to do that for yourself.
Please take care,
Tanya H. A. Varilek
Squid B. Varilekova
-----end quoted text-----
Also on the topic of emails I have sent... It's not like the certain subset of the US executuve branch that really has it in for people being honest and communicating with each other partucularly while within the US (and from outside to inside the US) doesn't know where I am at all times. It's not like that transmitter in my septum (against my will) isn't still active (against my will). So, why is it that the email included below which I sent to eight very dear people in my life has had only one response?... a response from a new friend of mine from North Beach named Ron Suverkrop.
-----start quoted text-----
Hello, my lovelies!
I´m still alive and kicking! Syn, if there is any way to get a
message to Amita, please let her also know no one has killed me, yet.
I know that you, my dear friends, have been having as many problems
calling people and receiving voicemails as I did while in the US. I
do, honestly, plan to come back to the States when the situation is
resolved enough that my Social Security Disability Benefits lawyer can
actually get his hands on my ACTUAL medical records. Oh, and what is
the deal with telling people it is only my symptoms talking and still
denying me a doctor and actual medical treatments?
I´m still out here fighting the good fight. Please take care of
yourselves. If I receive no response to this email (in the actual
syntax and vocabulary of my friends), we all know what I will
conclude... Yup, it means that the US is that much more oppressed than
I had been allowed to surmise while there, and I need to keep bringing
it. Poor US government... so scared of me, the fact I am only my own
benevolent and honest self, and so desperate to not let the world know
some true things.
I know I am technically in the jurisdiction of the CIA, but I know
they are in foreign countries often enough to know who I really am and
that I just want all of the US to have its freedoms and rights back,
too. They lived through knowing what life under the Iron Curtain was
like, and they know that, among other good things I have as goals, I
am actually doing my best out here to even help save the US and what
the US is actaully meant to stand for. I did not bring a hard copy of
the Constitution with me, but I know that they are actually allowed to
look it up online. I have faith the CIA will do the right thing.
They are too knowledgable not to.
As I said, please take care. This WILL get better. I´m working on it.
-- Tanya a.k.a. Squid
-----end quoted text-----
Now, all I need to know is that my mother actually did receive the email that I sent to her.
I joyfully hit a Latin Roots dance floor during the hours where last night met early this morning. Wow! I have NOT partner danced to such quality of Latin music in years. Just like my Spanish speaking and listening skills, though, it is all coming back quickly. Following someone´s lead on a dance floor takes more mental energy than leading. It is one of the ways that I should employ more often to keep my mind sharp. Somehow, completely making things up as you go along is unbelievably powerful for keeping one´s mind attuned to only doing good and doing it effectively in the world. It is hard for someone to squash your plans on a dancefloor if you don´t even have any. (There is no better offense than a good defense.)
Furthermore, no matter how much I get done while I am in town; this trip will not be a success unless I also get a little Mexican rock music while I am here. I wonder where I have to go looking for some El Tri or some Heavy Nopal or some mariachi-rock like Los Lobos. On my list of other things that will make this trip a success include finally getting new lenses for my glasses. I can actaully afford them here. Maybe I will finally get around to buying a new watch, too. I have already been taking care of sleeping well for once and eating enough food to support my BMI. Hmmm... depending on how my finances look when I analyze them, I might get around to procuring some beautiful new clothes from Mexican stores and designers. It is a weird feeling knowing that I can actually buy a new pair of shoes without requiring that someone give me a gift card first.
I also MUST see the sights of Mexico City while I am here. I have been sleeping in so late due to finally being able to sleep safely that I have missed most of the museum hours. My short list includes the Zócalo, the Biblioteca México, the Museo Postal, the Museo Nacional de Historia, and of course, the Zona Rosa. I am going to make sure I see every example of the capablities of the culture that makes the Mexican people so proud to be themselves. Humanity is such a beautiful thing.
Okay, I am posting this one, again, without proofreading. This internet cafe closed a few minutes ago. More tomorrow!
Parting questions: For the Patriot Act to remain at all patriotic, shouldn´t we use it to take down the terrorist running the executive branch? Or was it already deemed unConstitutional to use the Patriot Act because it violates so many of the ammendments in the Bill of Rights? The president is still a US citizen, right?