The Feeling of Dance as Meditation.

When my body moves, two things might happen. With small daily activities such as doing the dishes, pacing, or detailing over needlepoint, my thinking focuses. My subconscious can work through any problem, if my body could just distract my conscious mind from the issue. But if I take up something more athletic such as making love or dancing, my mind moves beyond thinking through a problem. Instead, my mind clears.

Let us consider the dance as meditation. It starts when I hear the music. The music moves my body; then there becomes no distinction. Soon there is no boundary between me, the music, and the dance. We simply are together in one place in time. And then my mind is silent. The musician gestures.

But I fear when the musician watches, for when the musician joins the trance of dancing, it all ceases and nothing continues. I feel I need a divide between me and the musician or the music will stop. Oddly, the musician is one with the music. The music is one with the dance. The dance is one with the music and me, but I cannot be one with the musician. We need separate mental spaces. I warn them all not to look directly into the light.

And when the music gestures, I would love to say I feel it move me… but I feel nothing but the music itself. I simply am… right there… at that point in space and time in the universe… feeling the music spin on its axis. When the music plays and I find myself, I exist at one with my time and space. I am at peace.

And then comes the part that, from what I can tell, must be the same for all successful forms of therapy—- the sublime evaporation of pain and suffering that leaves behind the residue of life and experience. I am no longer one that is suffering but have become one that suffered… well, at least, until they make me suffer again. It is the only way I have found to be able to alive—- free of the burden of it all but the memory. After all, it is our experiences that make us—- we cannot be without them—- but we can only live on without the pain, the sorrow, and the suffering.

This is how I overcome the suffering. This is the release of my pain to nothing but memory. This is the end of the torture until they begin it again.

And after I dance, I find I can think. Again, I can dream. Yes, again I can write, I can speak, and I can solve.

Please stay strong and united, my beautiful world.

Please stay strong and united. I need your support. If I am sent to Iowa, I will need this world's support all that much more. If I choose to go, though reluctantly, I would be in order to protect my mother.

Now, don't forget-- there are no direct flights from the United Kingdom to Des Moines. I will have to have a layover in Chicago or New York or another similar city... What if the locals stood up and decided to keep me safe?

Iowa will be the next Wigan unless the people of Iowa stand up against the federal government and its policies of self-terrorism. There is no excuse for suffering just because the US government wants you to. Also, there is no excuse for poisoning my food or drink ever again; just as, there is no excuse for enduring a poisoned water supply. There is no excuse for mistreating me just to be near me. There is definitely no excuse for refusing to tell me the truth when you look me in the eye. You deserve your rights as people, as well. Iowa has no excuse for going along with any of the mistreatment the federal government wants for me or them.

I love seeing people and nations stand up against tyranny. Equality. What a beautiful word! If Iran can stand up to DC and insist on being treated respectfully, why can the American people not do the same? Why is it that the America people have not yet stood up to DC and taken their country back? America, I worry. Please take the country back.

There has been an explosion in Mexico. As always, trace the culpable parties to make sure you find the source of the violence. Always make sure blame lands only where it is really due. It is the only way to ensure we remove the corrupt powers that be. Yes, my heart is with the survivors and their road of healing. But to prevent this from happening again, find out why it really happened and remove that corrupt influence.

The world is still turning. There have always been problems and there always will be problems. It is my goal to offer guidance to help resolve them. I also know that I need to see humanity through global climate change. That is a crisis that humanity did not bring on itself.

Please stay strong and united, my beautiful world. We still need to see an end to all of this. We need to bring humanity through global climate change in a peaceful world. We need an end to the world violence and human-inflicted suffering as best we can. I am relying on you to take care of that part. I can do the rest.

My Father is no Hero.

As long as my father is controlled by the US government, he cannot be trusted. As long as the people of Iowa look me in the face and refuse to tell me the truth, they are part of the problem. This world needs healing, but if they comply with the US government’s reign of terror, they are more than part of the problem... They ARE the problem.

I am safer in this torture facility than I would ever be in Iowa. Did they buy out the state, again? Do you remember how I was denied all medical care while I was there last year? How many crisis intakes did I have while there? I had one every time I could get myself to a hospital after I was violated IN MY PARENTS’ HOUSE. And still, Iowa denied me ALL CARE. Rape victims need medical care.

Do you remember how I was physically attacked by June and July when I asked for a rape kit? And how the rape kit found live sperm in my urethra? That was how I was treated when last I lived in my parents’ house. I had nowhere to go for safety. I will have nowhere to go for safety if I am sent back.

I am a married, 32 year-old, French citizen, yet the Polk County Courthouse in Des Moines, IA just decided that my abusive father has adult guardianship over me. I can only imagine what horrors my father has planned for my return.

Do you remember how I was last treated by the people of Iowa? I was terrorized by them. How many illicit drugs did they put in my system when I went out for food or coffee? They even roofied me in the cafeteria of the Mercy Franklin Medical Center. If the people of Iowa do not learn to stand up against the federal government, they will do nothing but terrorize me again. Did you ever wonder how I survived ThunderDome in Wigan, UK? It was because I had already survived Iowa.

How many things have I tried to save my father? Yet, he refuses to be saved. He refuses to do anything but be controlled by the federal government and want my harm. If he would acknowledge the truth and think anything through on his own, he would know that I am right, but he does not live in reality. I know that the mandate is coming that I must return to his rape house.

I am safer in this torture facility than I would ever be in Iowa... unless the people of Iowa are willing to stand against the federal government finally. Yet, I might go from this hell to the ever deeper reaches of hell if it is the only way to save my mother. My father cannot be trusted. He is no hero.

Hypothetically Speaking... -- Now in three installments!

Hypothetically speaking… a writing exercise in case science fiction becomes reality… (January 2010)

Let us suppose that a certain circumstance becomes real. Let us suppose that a horrific wrong could be committed by a governing body against an entire people. Let us suppose that the sort of terrors usually reserved for the farthest reaches of science fiction might possibly be manifested and executed by the most despicable of authorities in our real world. Well then, here is some advice, in case the chips placed inside my person against my will should somehow appear in your body as well.

1.) Whenever possible, do not invite a nano or even microchip into your body at any time. It does not matter what the government or the government’s representative promises it will do for you. You have no idea what else it might do, if they might ever actually remove it, nor why they really want it inserted into your body.
2.) Should that you find one in your ears giving you voices that are not your own, do not trust what they say is the source of said voices. Always question any commands you receive. Do not trust that you will only hear the truth. Do not allow them to force you to kill yourself; you are too valuable alive and as an agent for good in the world who might help prevent this from happening to anyone else.
3.) Do not instantly do the opposite of what they tell you to do, either. That is also allowing the voices to control you. Simply evaluate everything you hear for yourself. Seek advice from experts if necessary. Should that you believe they give you a good suggestion, follow through in your own way; do it right.
4.) Find other people with similar technology illegally inserted into or illegally taken advantage of being inserted into your body, and organize. Do no do this near me. I know for a fact that the bugs in my ears send information straight to the only governing authority that could be capable of this. Do not give away your plans for fixing this.
5.) I already stated that you should not allow them to convince you of any lies, but definitely do not allow them to lie to you about how to end this yourself by doing something they tell you to do. Any governing body that might be so snake-tongued as to convince you to welcome an established form of torture upon yourself cannot be trusted. If they tell you that you must, for random example, allow yourself to be raped, become a prostitute, or commit any other sort of horrific crime against yourself to end your being tortured, those are the things you should make a record of and take special care not fall prey to. No governing authority if properly functioning should force any persons to commit any egregious wrongs to others or themselves unless said wrongs are on a battlefield after a legal proclamation of war.

Should that it be true that the governing body that has made me its victim in more ways than just placing its own voices in my ears attempt to wrong you in any of the other physically, mentally, or emotionally violent ways in which it has wronged me, do everything you can fathom to stop it. Do not endure for the sake of enduring. I never do.

For further advice on how our government should be functioning to serve its people, please consult the Constitution of the United States of America. (http://www.usconstitution.net/const.html) Our country IS our people; not to mention, the power of our country IS the power of our people.

Huh, how was that for a daily writing exercise? I wonder where the idea came from... I wonder if anyone might ever find it useful... I have heard it said before that sometimes fiction is better at getting to the truth of a situation that nonfiction is. Oh yeah, and all friends tagged in this silly thing are randomly chosen.



Hypothetically Speaking--THE SEQUEL!… (April 2010)

Let us imagine that a certain science fiction becomes reality—a situation where a propaganda machine driven by a childlike need to feel important by degrading others, a never-ending ability to create national debts, and a thorough catalogue of personal inadequacies that in aggregate verge on neurotic and completely irrational beliefs in any self-worth is born to create a self-destructive competition among its own conspirators to become the first world dictator.

Well, let us suppose that this conspiracy-born-of-personal-inadequacy were to decide to just lie about an individual almost constantly in order to manipulate the emotions of the public and then, out of complete cowardice, never allow her to know about it. Let us suppose that they even drive entire nations, cultures, and populations to the brink of ruin in order to make fake phone calls off of her mobile number and to maintain that there could be no way for her to know about it.

There are many steps to dealing with this. First of all, if you hear something, verify that it is real and accurate. Otherwise, you might believe someone you care about deeply is dead instead of just enduring her parents trying to abduct from ORD - Chicago O’Hare while they are under the false pretences that they are able to make ANY legal or medical decisions for her and that placing her in a mental ward against her will (so that a certain vile subset of the US executive branch may torture and murder her in the privacy of their own facilities) would really be for the best of their nation, bank account, and world. If I were to ever hear of that, I would send that woman’s parents as much non-quack-based mental health attention as possible and the means to remove that certain subset of the executive branch’s abilities to control them and their reality.

In verifying that what you hear may or may not be real or accurate, it helps to ask for the source of the information and to verify whether or not the source of the information is reliable. It also helps to make a note of the things you hear that may or may not be real, where you hear them, when you hear them, an from whom you hear them and then compare notes with your friends and families in different geographic locations. I know I have said it at least once already: You can’t fool all of the people all of the time; especially if you have to tell different lies in different place in order to be able to do it.

This, of course, normally leads to what I refer to as Reality Bubbles. For example, only certain sorts of news are allowed into a certain country turning it into a fascist, terrorist state where the population lives in fear of… essentially… nothing real. The government just does it in order to keep the truth out and other truths in. It is easier to control a population if you control what they are and are not allowed to know and believe instead of allowing it to be their choice. This is a much faster path for a group of conspirators laden with the frustrations of their aforementioned personal inadequacies to drive the planet into chaos and anarchy in order to impose one of themselves (the last to survive the power struggle) as the first planetary dictator.

The dawning of the fascist, terrorist regime that is built on controlling what entire countries are and are not allowed to know is most definitely best battled through honest communication. Tell people you know and trust through reliable means of communication the things you actually know for real or that come from actually reliable sources of factual information.

And, as I said in the first installment of “Hypothetically speaking…” do NOT let them put chips in your head. Mine were all stuck inside my body against my will, and I am still laboring to have them all completely removed. That is just your giving up your human rights voluntarily as well as all of your abilities to make any choices for yourself, have any novel ideas, or even be capable of independent thought.

There you have it. That is how you fight a propaganda machine. You do not allow yourself to believe it.

Then, if you have the extra drive, you take some time to figure out why they are giving you those particular lies to you in order to manipulate you. That is the extra credit on the homework project … You know, the homework project of it-actually-takes-some-work-to-keep-your-home-country-community-and-world safe. Enjoy the assignment! You get to keep what you learn.

And if anybody would like to further discuss this science-fictional future I have described here, just drop me a line and let me know. I hear (through the chips in my head) that my science fiction ideas are really quite popular.



Hypothetically Speaking – Take Three! The government cannot protect you because they are the ones who attack... (August 2010)

The British government has already tried to end all of humanity rather than face any form of justice for its crimes. The British government has already launched missiles against America. In a breathtaking miracle, the fallout was diverted and the following missiles sent into space. But who saved humanity? And how did they punish her for thwarting them?

It is now months later, and we are caught in the death throes of corrupt governments and the people who pull their strings. As they try to avoid any and all accountability for their explicit culpability, the governments are terrorizing their own people. They lie to be able to do it. They lie to get away with it. They lie to place the blame on someone innocent for all of their own destruction.

Now, the British government is bombing London in order to create a fictional, violent enemy for themselves. Just like the bomb that Homeland Security put in the lonely heroine’s side yard when she had first obtained the world’s attention, government self-terrorism is the policy of the day. The British government cannot bear to be held accountable for its own actions. They are trying to invent a new fictional enemy to blame.

But what happened to the heroine? What happened to the lady trying to stop it all? She was caught espousing truths that the government did not want to acknowledge are real. So, they pretend she is crazy. They have locked her into a psych ward where they torture her horrifically rather than admit to her face she is right. Yet, as more and more people learn and believe she has been right all along, the more desperate the corrupt forces become.

And to punish her more, they tear apart her home. They tear apart America. California refuses to comply with the US government’s policies of terrorizing her, and they fall into a federal-government-wrought state of emergency because of it. The corrupt forces that pull the governments’ strings would rather see the world end than public accountability, and they are ending the world starting with the parts she loves most. But America has learned to stand strong. Did they learned it from her, or did she learn it from them?

And where are the people? Where are the British people while she is tortured in plain sight? They spend all day expecting someone else to save them. “Who am I?” They ask themselves. “Who am I to be able to fix this?” So, she screams at them in every way she knows how, “YOU ARE THE PEOPLE!”

She cannot figure out why they just choose to suffer and refuse to do the right thing. She cannot figure out why they say they support her, but refuse to actually do anything to break her out; it just takes enough people. She cannot figure out why they refuse to even save themselves. The government cannot protect the people because the government is the one who attacks them. “No one will save you but yourselves.”

Hanging on with an Internet Connection

Yes, as you can see, I am hanging in here. Nobody has killed me yet, and I still have just enough of an internet connection to get these worldly things taken care of. Please remember that just about all of the world’s news is kept away from me, so if an important story does not show up as a link, odds are that I was not allowed to see that one.

And now for my outgoing mail update... I just posted a pile of my artwork from my Occupational Therapy sessions to my husband, the Mr. Johnny Depp a.k.a. my Mr. Love-of-my-Life. I also plan to have a pressing letter for my mom in the mail first thing Monday morning. As for celebrity letters, yes, I am writing them again. I should have a big batch ready just as soon as my ink-slinging gets back up to speed.

I am still expecting mail and packages from my mom, Alloy, and Vistaprint. My Alloy package full of pretty new dresses is probably overdue considering when they shipped it, but it does have to come from the States. I hear that getting anything through customs to me is a pain. I should have probably ordered the new clothes from a store in the UK instead, but I can’t change that now.

I am a bit worried that the British are pretending that they do not know what a Power of Attorney is. Just in case they actually do not, I shall remind them. In the land of medical-legal terms, a Power of Attorney is the person who makes all if the decisions about care that the patient would normally make if the patient were not deemed medically incompetent to make her own medical decisions. I was deemed medically incompetent to make my own medical decisions in order for them to lock me into this hell. That means that my Power of Attorney must be consulted about EVERY medical decision made about my care. I presented them with my notarized Power of Attorney paperwork and Final Will and Testament upon my arrival here. I chose very dear friends who are all very knowledgeable of my medical history as my Powers of Attorney, yet the British medical community still refuses to contact them.

As far as my finances are concerned, being the responsible adult that I am, I expanded the powers of my Power of Attorney to make ALL legal decisions on my behalf if I ever end up in ANY situation where I cannot make those decisions myself. The papers were witnessed and notarized in October 2009 while I was feeling my mortality. To complicate this, though, I did not sign a prenuptial agreement that would keep any of my money or belongings away from my husband.

That means half of everything I own is his. It is not that he gets the left red satin t-strap stiletto and I the right one. No, no, no. This means he gets half of the left stiletto AND half of the right stiletto. He gets half of every single solitary object or coin I own. I prefer it that way.

As far as I am concerned, he also gets anything he wants. And if I can figure it out, he can have it even before he asks.

The Undrinkable Water in this Place is so Much of the Problem.

The hot drink machine, the water cooler, and all of the taps: They all spout undrinkable liquids. No matter how much we complain, no one ever fixes them. What are we supposed to do? Dehydrate completely?

As for the injection tortures, all they have to do is decide not to torture me. There is no gun to their heads making them fill me with chemicals that make death crawl across my body with every needleful. They do this by choice. They premeditate and organize every attack. They try to hide that they do it. The syringe-weilding medical staff knows what they do is torture.

As for this internet connection, my friend leaves soon who lends me this computer. We do not know yet which day, but the papers are signed and filed. I will communicate all I can before he goes away. I am deeply grateful to him for allowing me all of this time with you.

My faith is in humanity to free me from this hell. Please, all of you, keep all of your pressure on lonely, tiny England until their bubble pops and until I am delivered to the loving arms of my husband, the Mr. Johnny Depp a.k.a. my Mr. Love-of-my-Life. That is not the end of this journey. That will be just the beginning of all I can do in this world.

Some Unexpected Random Thoughts...

Since the word processor (or lack thereof) on this machine prevents me from writing the short story I wanted to spin out from prompts for you all, here are some other things on my mind today.

Humanity can endure so much, but what makes us survive? What wakes us up after each moment exhaustion pushed us past the very brink of sleep to drown us in its inky depths to live another day with nothing but suffering or, depending on the situation, nothing at all but a fight? What makes us "Hold on!"? What makes us defend our natural and human need to stay alive? There were times even I wished I could have just given in and died to end it. But I cannot be anything but myself, and here I am still alive and still not suicidal. What is it that keeps us all so alive?

New Orleans, you know I would have been there by now if I could just finally have my human rights. Thank you for building those levees to hold back our increasing Water Cycle. Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for being prepared by keeping your beautiful people (and city) safe. May your Spanish moss and wrought iron never need to be uprooted.

Freedom. Elusive freedom. Where do you hide from me? Or are you still on your journey looking for me, too, behind every distant tree branch that you just cannot yet reach? I know you did not scurry under a rock to keep company with my fake medical staff in this candy-coated (to aid with swallowing) hell. You know you are too worthwhile for that. Darling freedom, do you speak semaphore? Can I guide you here from a passing ship by waving flags and screaming your name? Where are you, my long lost friend. I wait for you weeping with abused patience and empty hands.