Saturday, January 30, 2010


Okay, I am tired of constantly being tested on things that I have not claimed to ever be, nor things that people I have never met could presume to know about me... be they true or otherwise. Yes, I can dance... It does not mean you should force me to endure a test on certain aspects about my ability to dance that I have never claimed to be true. That also applies to singing, thinking "loudly" (other than acknowledging that I very much do NOT like being a means nor even an excuse to torture people), or anything else people say about me that I do not say about myself. Among other things, I should not have to tell people that I do NOT control the weather. Why don't the people who have a need to test ME over things that I do not claim about myself just go test the people who claim them instead? The fact I have asked for none of this is obvious... go punish someone actually guilty for once.

Among other things I never wanted to land on me, I only ever wanted a financially-sustainable career as an academic... as an adult, anyway... We all have different dreams when we are children. However, we have already discovered that when things land on me that I never wanted, I do my best to be socially responisible about it. It would help if I were allowed to know the full result of my actions. I am still waiting for the "priviledge" of that knowledge.

Other things I wait for include the medical community finally being able to acknowledge the chips placed in my head against my will. I would really like them removed. I never wanted them there in the first place; besides, they never told me they were there after they put them there. On the other hand, I will claim ownership for them since they are in my body now. That also means, to whomsoever their signals go, they need my permission to use that signal. For that matter, they need my permission to make the chips active. They already bypassed asking me my permission to put them there.

In reference to my previous blog post, I am also still waiting for anything that says "Test #3" in it to arrive in my email, voicemail, or post office inbox. I promised to list all things that show up with the phrase "Test #3" in it... I keep my promises... but only the ones that I actually do make.

When I was at orientation before my first year as an undergrad at the University of Texas-Dallas, one of our projects was to write what we wanted our tombstone, urn, memorial plackard, etc... to say. I found the paper at my parents' house in Iowa while I was there. Instead of my joke where I wanted my brain in a jar marked, "Previously Used," all those years ago in the fall of 1995 I wanted my final remains to be labeled with, "She left a mark on all she touched, and that is how she changed the world for the better." I should add that to my will.

Now, as for the slippery slope I have been harping on for months that goes along the lines of "Breaking more laws to cover your already ugly, naked backsides is no way to fix a problem," (By the way, my story about how to fix this of "You should have made me complacent; now you have to just admit culpability and end it," has not changed. Has the government's stories about why they do this to me changed? Please see my first paragraph in this blog post on how to deal with this.) I am now ready to elaborate on the results of some sort of force taking away my ability to use my old, busted-up tablet PC.

The supposed need by some force to take away my private computer has lead to my using a public computer in a public library in full view of the public. Not only does this mean that there are now all sorts of witnesses even outside of North Beach of how I do my own writing and in a short amount of time, but there are also witnesses of how no one, including myself, can search for things on computers in my line of sight that I might fidn useful. This includes searching the SFPL accessible Gale database for any academic paper, article, book review, etc... for anything with the keywords "Penumbra of Rights" in it.

I wonder how far they will push this one? I wonder if anyone else can search the internet for intructions on how to use the Dewey Decimal System right now? After all, it will let me find books in this library without having to search the online card catalog for them. I wonder if it also applies to the Library of Congress numbering system that I could use at other libraries. Huh, do you think it also applies to cookbooks with recipes in them on how to cook with... almonds? Yeah, three guesses why I am looking for those. Do you know how far this one big, ugly mess can go if no one admits culpabilty for it? This is why taking away peoples rights and freedoms and lying to cover it up is a slippery slope that all one has to do is admit fault for to end.

I just had a talk with a friend of mine in Iowa this afternoon. The main reason I bring up this conversation with my old childhood friend still in Iowa was because I needed to assure her that my issue with the Obama administration is not a personal attack on him. Obviously. He is just far from competent at this job. I know I should not be one to judge. I have never wanted to be the president of the U.S. I have never wanted all of that stress, but, you know what? It is still that apparent to me that at a time with all of these crises, someone competent should be at the head of the U.S. executive branch. All I am asking for here is "competent." I am not asking for a benevolent super-genius to run this country. Besides, benevolent super-geniuses prefer to hide... for obvious reasons.

She was also trying to assure me that I was just having symptoms and no one was ever trying to kill me. She, of course, lives far away. To which I asked, "Then why won't any doctors treat me? Least of all, give me an appointment in a timely manner?" There, of course, is no logical reason for any of this.

This includes the fact my own doctor claimed that the seizures I have when falling asleep and in my sleep are probably NOT do to being sexually violated repeatedly in my sleep; they are more likely due to something a neurologist could fix. So, I said, "Sure, I would love to see a neurologist. That doctor might finally give me that MRI I have wanted for months," which, by the way, is the normal procedure for a neurologist who takes in a new patient. Brain tumors normally have symptoms like seizures and irrational moods (including plesantness). I, of course, did not get referred to a neurologist. After all, an MRI would have found all of the equipment placed in my head against my will that no one is allowed to tell me about. It also would have made the metal chip in my nose hurt like all hell, so I'm not so upset for lacking all of the physical pain.

Along the lines of signs of physical trauma, we should all already know why no one is supposed to touch me on my back on top of my hair. This is because that is how they hold me down when they attack me. Of course, I am supposed to be drugged into forgetting it after the fact, and all of those drugs will show up in my hair when I finally get to have it tested. But, a body never forgets that kind of trauma, anyway. This also brings up the other slippery slope of, "If no one ever attacks (or attacked) me in the first place, then I would not have to defend myself... and NO ONE would ever have to defend me, either." Please think that one through, and then explain to the people who started all of this. I could use the help. They are still convincing people to attack me.

I think this might be my final point of the day... I think I might not be the only person with schizophrenic symptoms in this mess. The logic behind "The way you deal cards when you playing go-fish with little school age children makes me think you are a gambler," is equivalent to "The arrangment of pencils on your desk makes me think you want to kill me." Of course, I have said neither of these...

My hour here is almost up.

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