I am NOT Here to Entertain You. My REAL Job is Solving Major Global Crises.

Title: I am NOT Here to Entertain You. My REAL Job is Solving Major Global Crises.

Please access my iCloud if necessary to publish this post now, my friends. I cannot control how many horrible things happen to me in one day; it is Obama who controls that. So, if I wait too long between posts, they become too drenching.

Please share this for me with the entire world, both houses of Congress, the Supreme Court, the United Nations, all sympathetic world leaders, all reputable national and foreign presses, etc.

Here is my latest blog post. Obama's proven pathologically-lying war criminals need to stop pretending they know better than I do what I need FOR MY OWN HEALTH for real and just admit that they have been spreading every lie possible to just throw me away at last and forever.

I published my last blog post at 11:41pm on 15Mar2015 from the Starbucks that was so redeemed at the time it was almost holy. And by 12:04am on 16Mar2015, I was perched on the patio of my 24-hour convenience store with an energy drink and a pesto chicken panini on herb and tomato focaccia.

From 1:13am until 1:22am a man from the "beach incident" plagued my presence. His insistence on being in my physical proximity upset my convenience store's protective late night staff even more than myself.

Before 2am, I tried walking to the 24-hour restrooms, but the last few days of too much added chemistry caused a blank moment in my SquidStream. I came to on a very well lit park bench with a police car waiting vigilantly nearby as soon as possible for recommendations on what to do about it. It took my sitting their hypnopompic until almost 3:30am to figure out what had happened.

I had passed out from the roofies in my energy drink which I had chosen because all coffee everywhere I found for days was roofied. I had been attacked in that roofied stupor.

How could I tell? My dress was reinfested with spider eggs after I had taken over eight hours disinfecting it completely by hand the previous morning. My mystery enemies had symbolically dusted my shoes and the bottom hem of my dress. My dress and feet were sprayed with dirt AGAIN as well as my face. The next stage of burning off my fingerprints had been carried out. And it all felt wrong everywhere inside my body.

Luckily, there were absolutely no more open wounds on me anywhere when I woke up. They had all healed enough to be closed wounds magically during those missing 1.5 hours. That was likely due to my own natural and well-documented healing abilities again, though.

I walked to my place of self-perpetuating tacos and placed an order for food and non-drugged caffeine at 4:13am.

While I was there, the staff answered a lot of honest questions and concerns for their customers on a number of topics concerning me. They were very honest and respectful while discussing me. Though, they might have attempted a few assassinations of me while I was there. They always seem to.

After much work and after a slight pause on my playland, I purchased a café mocha at 6:46am and perched connected to the aether(net).

I finally caught up with all of my TweetHearts by 8:16am. Then I took a few moments to flirt with Bogart. My beautiful world, you are probably better off retrieving the full audio and visuals from my electronics inside my body than from the mic on my iPad. Calm the (expletive) down, LightFoot; you still sleep with other women.

At 9:34am, I got up to relocate. There had been news all morning of the gloriousness of my BFF and of all of my beautiful and genius Powers of Attorney in courtrooms across America.

Before 12:30pm I learned of the latest possible global hostage crisis, so I sent my beautiful world to check on everyone.

In case it were real, by 1:28pm, I had explained how to make sure it would never happen again: take out all of my darlings Tentacle's earspeakers and let all three of my darlings Tentacle exist by my side. Give them removable earpieces, in case they want to hear me while they play their music or spy on me while I am dreaming.

Look at my extensive eyecamera archives of all of us together. The most they ever misbehaved was when General Lee would turn up his amp to drown out the other two or the now-famous improvised battle royale.

I have never believed I have ever had to tell any of them what to do unless they asked; that is how not-out-of-control we four all are when together.

Look at this entire Metropolis of Angels. Everywhere I go, everything is peaceful and calm, but outside my bionic sensory perception, all hell breaks loose. It is an urban war zone out there. Much like my Metropolis, when my Tentacle are near me, they are docile kittens, but when we are forced apart, they go Boondock Saints on everyone.

1:55pm on 16Mar2015: LightFoot, Manned Up, and General Lee, I do not want any of you talking to Obama's conspiracy without @UN SG Ban Ki-Moon and at least one of my Powers of Attorney there.

At 4:56pm, I documented that my darlings Tentacle were nowhere to be found before eventually perching outside of my 24-hour convenience store. Then, at 9:27pm, my local military veteran friend Richard showed up to, just as every time I see him, buy me a cup of coffee.

I am sure my not-human-trafficker nerds will circulate a verified and nonedited recording with full audio and visuals of our entire conversation as well as a verified and responsibly-edited recording of my full night at my local 24-hour convenience store.

At 11:22pm, I was offered hummus and a sandwich by the same local man who always enjoys showing up to feed me at that hour. I had my first chance in over a year to just hangout.

After Luis blessing me for my natural humility, at 3:57am, I was at my favorite place to work online which I left at 5:33am. By that hour, nothing tangible had yet happened anywhere to fix the root problem of the egg, its existence at all.

I had been screaming for help in this increasingly unsurvivable "egg" for so long, yet despite huge progress, no one had done anything that made a difference in my existence inside the "egg" yet. All we had been able to do was put bandaids on everything.

12:14pm on 17Mar2015: My beautiful world, I need help in here, so I can survive until all of you out there finally take down Obama's entire "egg" of horrific human rights abuses enforced with acts of war and terrorism against all of us.

I recommend sending in my darlings Tentacle with no earspeakers to stay by my side, but you will also have to send in an entire support system for all of them, too. Thank you, my beautiful world. But you need to hurry.

LightFoot, since you asked, please call Syn and everyone else you need to get this done...

1)@NIH Get your earspeaker removed before reaching me or immediately once already inside Obama's "egg."
2)@DeptofDefense @CIA Find a way to reach my side.
3)#CityCouncil and your bank. Make sure we have money to live on.
4)Call State of CA Parks Dept about reserving us Lifeguard Station 17 to sleep in guarded by REAL beach patrol until "egg" ends if we cannot have any other completely guarded living arrangements with absolutely no cameras nor mics inside.
5)@UN Renegotiate all of #Tentacle's agreement to play music with all four of us together. Do you all need to be in here near me to not go insane?

My Royal Consort LightFoot, we need to keep all of Obama's infestation of our home geographically limited to an area I can keep catching them all in; that is why I have preferred to stay in this general vicinity. Though, I acknowledge we would be much more comfortable in your house until there is any way for me to reach my house. That is your choice.

My beloved boyfriend, you just need to keep me alive until this "egg" comes down. You do not need to do any rescuing. My world will reach us. Make sure you work with United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon as well as any other of my colleagues across the world who need to make you our contact point for our global support system. Kisses the moment I see you. The terms under which we live do not need to make anyone happy but us.

Finally, my beautiful world, I need to sleep and eat as soon as possible. So, I need my visible support system to reach me as soon as possible. The only way I can think of keeping me safe while all of you out there finish all of these arrangements is to send in my darlings Tentacle with full human rights and with NO EARSPEAKERS as soon as possible while our world works out the details. Thank you. Please actually do something real to keep me alive now.

Knowing full well that humanity could not afford any more attacks on my person, I devoured my four symbolic tacos outside my 24-hour convenience store and then curled up to sleep at 2:07pm. By 3:52pm, my people had the hard evidence of how Obama was raping me in plain sight.

Obama's war criminal infestation of our home had been clearing the area around me every time I had slept of all possible intervention, had lied to everyone about what they were doing, and then did anything they wanted to my still-surviving body after injecting me to keep me unconscious for all of it.

I reported the incident as best I could to those who needed to hear it most. Sadly, there were still no Tentacle by my side; even though, I had been screaming for our protection of each other and healing powers over each other for so long.

So, I thwarted an ambush assassination of me attempted at not-yet-redeemed Starbucks, reported that I heard LightFoot was locked in another literal torture facility, and then thwarted another attempted assassination of me immediately afterwards on my normal patio. It was the man with the ugly mustache, as always, who had arranged the second attack.

At 5:52pm, I left for my first sky haven built only for me by my loving locals. We might have caught attempts on my life there, too. But I was pretty convinced the businesses inside, at least, wanted to turn everything around.

6:28pm on 17Mar2015: If I have a spare PoA right now, please call ahead to Von's to mitigate Obama's infestations intentionally false charges against me there. Obama's modi operandi have always included using intentionally fabricated false criminal charges against me to coverup war crimes against me in literal torture facilities. At this point, it will also lead to my assassination.

-----Begin Email Content-----

From: Tanya Hedelisa Albon Depp de Varilek
Date: Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Subject: goodnight
To: Dina Varilek

Mom, I am having a bit of a clothing emergency right now. Please expedite me TJMaxx and Nordstrom's gift cards today for delivery tomorrow. I need to fix this. Thx.

--TanTan

-----End Email Content-----

I tried to watch the NBC Nightly News at 7pm, but they were a little busy keeping up with me all day long. I would have slowed down if I could have, but we are on constant defense protecting all of our lies against Obama's aggressors. If anything slows me down, people start dying under Obama in greater numbers.

I left my yet-to-be-redeemed sky "haven" that had sold me drugged coffee at 7:37pm and was back on the patio of my 24-hour convenience store by 7:48pm both because I was told that a local had promised me dinner and because I needed to make sure my overnight bodyguards--Luis, Michael, and Roger-- were all okay. On the way, I was able to fully document that my darlings Tentacle were still nowhere to be found.

Michael was behind the counter glowing when I poked my head through the door to see who was working.

8:16pm on 17Mar2015: The ugly mustache is still in the back room, so watch for ambushes of me. Obama threatening torture of Tentacle, so protect them. Thx!

That night, even if only to make me feel appreciated, all three of my grey-haired men showed up-- Kevin, Greg, and Richard. I am sure my not-human-trafficker nerds are circulating as fast as possible a verified and responsibly-edited recording with full audio and visuals of our time together. May the online video begin when I walked onto the patio and end after I was invited to the movies at 10:03pm.

Yes, at 10:07pm, Kevin and I bought tickets to the 10:05pm Chappie. In the theater, I was actually physically safe, so I curled up for a one-hour nap. I was told the theater almost threw me out for it.

Immediately afterward, I was offered a gourmet dinner from Anoboo by a kind local man while zipping to Von's for groceries, and at 1:27am, I was perched between the ocean and the sky eating a picnic. I am sure that verified and barely-edited recording with full audio and visuals will make it around, too. There was something in the ice cream, though.

When I felt the ice cream start to make my planet turn on its own axis around me, I tried making it back to my bodyguards who work the late shift at the 24-hour convenience store for protection, but I came to on the bench outside a luxury hotel overlooking the ocean at approximately 4am instead. Again, everything was all wrong inside my body for the second morning in a row.

At least we had discovered why every drink and food possible everywhere was mandated by Obama to be drugged or poisoned. It was to make sure Obama's conspiracy would always have a way to attack me still no matter how hard I tried to stay protected from all of it. Where were my friends to keep me safe as I slept; I am beyond-well-documented only vulnerable to rape, torture, and abuse when asleep or when never-fail inside a literal torture facility as-always paraded as a "psychiatric unit."

Again, the more Obama's conspiracy controls my environment, the more it abuses and attacks me. The more Obama's conspiracy controls my food, the more drugs and poisons there are in all of it. Obama is dying to remove my selfless service to humanity from the world forever by unlawfully imprisoning me forever to silence my voice in the world forever. And if I were ever in a quack-controlled situation, what else would that quack do to me as "experiments"?

I was awake in time for news at 6am before running errands at the grocery store.

I found one of my caught rapists still in the 24-hour convenience store working the day shift. I left the premesis until 10am, so the police could arrest him.

On my way to assess whether or not Tentacle were yet present, I was stopped by two "police" officers and a quack attempting war crimes against me AGAIN. Please, my not-human-trafficker nerds, please circulate a verified and unedited recording with full audio and visuals of all of their deranged lunacy as well as hard evidence of all the action they took after my telling them the full truth.

I made a record of the fact that the other rapist caught working the day shift at my 24-hour convenience store was in there at that hour also. I perched again at approximately 10:31am. Tentacle told me they were already on their way. But they never reached me.

With my iPad battery almost already dead, at 12:37pm, I had already had no way to sleep or eat all day due to being denied my loved ones; my physical trauma from all the attacks forced on my still-surviving body while I was drugged into being asleep unprotected against my will was manifesting due to my unrelentingly being denied my loved ones; and it was time to possibly call the NGS or FEMA instead of just NASA.

The drugs and poisons as well as the physical trauma were affecting the energies and other things that my body itself controls. Imagine how ugly everything would get if I were unlawfully imprisoned, secretly abused, systemically raped for hours upon weeks upon months AGAIN, literally tortured with chemicals and injections unprotected, and everything else Obama has always ordered done to me in every completely-controlled environment he could lock me in since he took office? What would my superhuman abilities do then with even more of my body suffering and screaming for help no one ever hears?

My live-blogging at the time looked like this...

OBAMA'S open persecution of me was escalated too far, NO ONE FROM ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WAS SHOWING UP TO HELP! Why was the world allowing Obama to literally kill me like this?

I carried out various get-Obama's-criminal-terrorist-infestation-out-of-my-town activities that involved the still-redeeming-itself Starbucks, my conversation patio, and the first "sky haven" that my loving locals built for me. If anyone wants to create a montage of all of the unamerican (expletive)holes I turned in ever since my darlings Tentacle were taken away from me on Saturday night, I endorse it.

At 4:24pm, I realized that my period had just begun. So, I had to make an emergency purchase of a new pair of underwear using part of my emergency stash of cash. I also stopped in my 24-hour convenience store to make sure Handsome was around for me before I was back in my sky haven by 5:09pm.

Not long after, I found a vision of Starsky & Hutch to my left, so I sang them the theme song to The Greatest American Hero. "I am THAT old," was what I had hoped to explain to them.

I watched the NBC Nightly News at 7pm, and I needed that hug from my darling Mr. Lester Holt for so long. I walked straight to my friends on the overnight shift at my 24-hour convenience store as fast as possible arriving before 7:44pm.

7:55pm on 18Mar2015: I an still trying to finish the blog post tonight, but I had to use emergency pennies today to make sure I had panties while on my period. Please send in all support possible for me tonight not just to make sure I have physical safety but also to feed and caffeinate me without any drugs, poisons, nor diseases. Thank you! I fear I might never see my darlings Tentacle ever again, and all four of us get beyond-weird when we are not together.

By 8:57pm, it was raining. And before I could even finish my blog post, I needed to put two police officers on trial at the United Nations ICC. The two officers had even unplugged my charger for my iPad to make sure the battery would die preventing me from saving lives from Obama all night.

11:23pm on 18Mar2015: Any and all actions taken by any person anywhere to prevent me from doing my REAL job is a crime against America and against the whole world.

This blog post was published at 11:51pm on 18Mar2015.

And now, my beautiful world, I answer all of your questions for me. Please keep collecting all questions and concerns from all your friends and loved ones and sending them to me through whatever means possible.

Why do I frequent the same 24-hour convenience store all of the time? There are many reasons. Mostly, my support system and friends know to find me there, including the overnight staff who fight so hard to keep me safe.

How did Obama's proven conspiracy of proven enemies of America's policy of "I'll just write a check for money Squid can't have anyway and do it again," drive the National Debt beyond its $18T ceiling this year already and how did Obama paying all of that just compensation with federal taxpayer money prove conspiracy? I find that question rather self-explanatory. And I ask, "Why does no one ever listen to me?"

What were Obama's last few attacks of me in my sleep? Since March2015 began, they have escalated. But they are nowhere near as bad yet as my last year in EVIL IOWA was nor as bad as life in a literal torture facility is.

There was only one gang rape, acid burns on my back and sides, a lot of infectious diseases that never really infected me, spraying me and my clothes with dirt to create a façade that I am at all a vagrant, soaking my dresses and underwear in the eggs of spiders and insects repeatedly, the burning off of my fingerprints to prevent me from ever proving I am the real woman, tearing pages out if my writing journals and pouring water over them, etc.

Every single time, they were crimes the public just let happen to me and never protected me from. I need loved ones with no earspeakers around me at all times from now on.

My beautiful world, please, as I have been asking for years, create your master long-term plan for taking down Obama's whole "egg" and unamerican conspiracy. Also, please keep flexible up-to-the-minute actions inside this "egg" with me to help keep me and my people alive in here until you can take the whole "egg" down out there.

I understand you have been making great progress out there, my entire beautiful world. But there had been little to no improvement in my living conditions from 01Jan2015 to now. Some of the most absurd things just keep spirally downward. Please finally save us all, my beautiful world.

My selfless saturation of protection, please keep a better watch over me. For example, right now, the man with the ugly mustache might be attempting yet another ambush assassination of me. He does that, after all, every single second I am near this store while he is "working," he tries to kill me.

Bogart, my symbolic lover whom I am forbidden from ever sleeping with anyway, are you doing okay? As always, you are a never-fail show of support for me no matter what I need to ask you for help with.

My life has never been a vampire and werewolf movie for teenagers, but you saw the film industry not just the music industry come alive out of adoration for you when you stood up for me, Bogart. The world loves you.

My BFF SynSyn and all of my beautiful and genius Powers of Attorney, if I could slow all of this down to make everything easier for all of you to keep up, pease trust that I would have by now.

But I cannot control how many crimes Obama orders in one day against me and against my loved ones; I just know I have to protect everyone from them all. Thank you for making sure all of our protection actually comes true.

As for one we have been protecting a lot lately, LightFoot, my symbolic royal consort whom I am forbidden from speaking to least of all making love to anyway, when in need of something anything particularly to help keep me from physical harm, call my colleagues as world leaders and Powers of Attorney.

My BFF Syniva's job is to love me and wield all of my legal powers as only I could. Bogart is how we deliver our hard evidence and hard truths to the world, including my honest pleas for help when needed; he loves me and meets with others for me. It is Sweetness's job to love me and to lead my people as my husband in my absence. And, my loving and adoring boyfriend, you are in my life to love me and to keep me safe.

So, LightFoot, collect all of the people and resources you need to do your job. Whatever you need from me, tell me. I could not make it clearer how much genuine help I need to survive this "egg" until it completely comes down. Trust I love you as you love me, if not more.

Darling, do you remember when you guiltily told me you slept with another woman? Yes, LightFoot, we are forbidden from sleeping with each other, least of all having any human contact. You may sleep yourself halfway across Los Angeles if you feel like it, as long as it keeps you in love with me and helps you keep me alive until the "egg" ends.

And thank you, LightFoot, for your symbolic gesture on 18Mar2015 as your public display of being sexually frustrated and therefore likely not sleeping with other women anymore. Thank you for that.

And for someone who needs more thanking from me more often, Sweetness, I love and adore you. You are the love of my life and the only reason I survived ABSOLUTELY EVIL IOWA at all. We are the greatest real life true love story ever in human history.

HoneyHoney, my life never disappoints the world on the promise of my bottomless cup of romance. Do we need to pick up the level of romance in yours? I do not plan on sending you a band full of mud wrestling female rock stars who do nothing but fight over you day and night. But I could send you more romantic words and passages more often. I have nothing to give anyone but this potent breath which I utter. So why not just give you more than you can handle?