I have been attacked in my sleep so many times. Last night was the most recent. All of the normal signs of being physically attacked and violated in the night were there when I woke up, and at least, there were none of the extra ones. My body knows when it is violated. It knows when it started, in the psych ward at the University of Minnesota-Fairview, and it knows every time since: at my parents' house in Iowa, at my friend Carmen's home, and at the residence hotel where I stay now. The obvious thing about it, though, is that is serves no purpose. There is nothing to benefit from attacking an innocent woman in her sleep. You cannot use physical abuse on someone to suddenly make her guilty of something she never did. I mean, really, anyone who could survive that psych ward where they electrocuted me while asking me content free questions, among other things that violated the Geneva Convention, cannot be phased by being continually physically abused and violated after the fact.
Funny, though, how removing someone's quality of life, forcing her to live pennilessly, making sure most days go by when she does not know if she will eat and definitely not sure if what she its will or will not be contaminated, removing her ability to financially support even a basic living, taking away her ability to ever be employed in the country where she is a citizen, making sure she has no sense of physical safety nor mental security anywhere, and physically violating her repeatedly to maintain that she will not have any privacy of any sort makes her value certain things differently. Yes, I want peace and love in this world. However, if we cannot ALL have it, if I must suffer as everybody's public victim alone in order for the world to never have peace and love, and if I am denied any more of the things for which I wait in order to maintain some openly acknowledged program of oppression against me that has already been proven time and time again to be completely ineffective at reaching some goal it has likely lost sight of, I have nothing I can do but fight for the things I believe in. I have nothing else.
Just imagine what might have happened had you been gentle. Just imagine where we would be had you asked nicely. Just imagine what this world could be if you had bothered to be humane.