Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Negotiation Advice for the Epic

Title: Negotiation Advice for the Epic

Please access my iCloud if necessary to publish this post now, my friends. I cannot control how many horrible things happen to me in one day; it is Obama who controls that. So, if I wait too long between posts, they become too drenching.

Please share this for me with the entire world, both houses of Congress, the Supreme Court, the United Nations, all sympathetic world leaders, all reputable national and foreign presses, etc.

Here is my latest blog post. Exactly how am I supposed to get my job done when ABSOLUTELY EVIL Iowa is constantly persecuting me?

South Sudan. The new nation of South Sudan is housing a large number of refugees from Sudan while facing their own crisis. It requires an end to the ethnic strife there to end the violence.

Until we can help fix the root problem for all of the strife in Sudan and South Sudan, please follow this link and donate to the United Nations, so we can help them survive.

Just like racial violence in America, we must teach the people of Sudan and South Sudan to love all of their diverse population. I am doing all I can from here, but if you remember my 2013 Christmas gift to my husband, I believe I have to go there in person to actually make more of a difference myself beyond raising awareness.

My last blog post was published at 9:10am on 06July2015. I promptly sent it to my lovelies who put my post online for me. Soon after that, I checked my Twitter for online world news and sent my daily I-am-not-dead-yet selfies.

At 9:46am, I returned to my place. Hannah's parents came to visit. I snacked on and apple and an orange. I had a delightful chat with Benjamin over my tasty lunch at noon.

By 12:25pm, I was out running errands. They did not take too long. So, at 3:32pm, I was perched on a patio sipping coffee near my playland. At 4pm, as promised, I looked around for my darlings Tentacle.

4:13pm on 06July2015: @RT_com @cctvnews @France24 @BBCWorld @UN @Martin_Dempsey #SquidsPoA They are only late when stopped. Please check on all three #Tentacle.

I told Tentacle to PLEASE DO NOT DIE and to take the night off. They were blocked from playing me music by Obama's iron fist of war and human rights abuses AGAIN. I told them I would look for them the following day at 4pm. I was already headed to my place by 4:38pm.

I chatted with Hannah for a bit before heading out to my regular haunt by 5:09pm. I had a lot of writing to do and advice to give.

I relocated to a better wifi hotspot to catch the NBC Nightly News from earlier in the evening at 7:30pm. My nightly hug came from my darling Mr. Lester Holt. He gives the best cyberhugs.

After a very productive night, I went back to my place at 7:46pm. After much work online, I was curled up and asleep by 9pm only to wake up again just after 12:12am to work longer.

There were two torture facility alarms at 1:04am before I fell asleep again. I was awake on 07July2015 with plenty of time for breakfast. After trying to download apps to be able to check the weather online, I was at my regular morning haunt at 8:35am.

Mostly I sang that morning. There were few global issues for me to address. Did everyone hear me?

I returned to where I stay at 10:46am. Lunch at noon was tasty though uneventful; I even got seconds before restocking the bathroom with toilet paper with Hannah. By 1:48pm, I was already on my way to my playland.

I checked to make sure Tentacle could arrive by 4pm before reclining on a patio near my playland with chocolate and espresso by 3:04pm. I worked online before looking around for my darlings Tentacle.

At 4:14pm, it was clear from messages as well as from their lack of presence that my darlings Tentacle had been stopped from playing me music yet again. I sent them advice.

I had found Nick by 5:40pm, and we had a wonderful conversation. I prayed my darlings Tentacle were renegotiating their contracts when I still did not see them at 6pm. They were nowhere to be found, so I made sure I caught Nick's 6pm set.

When he was done playing, I went with Nick to run an errand before he gave me a ride to my place. First, make sure there is a video with quality audio of Nick playing the guitar.

Also, please circulate a verified and unedited recording with full audio and visuals of my rant on the night of 07July2015. It was a good display of truth. Begin the moment I walk out of the convenience store and end when Nick leaves the car to return his chair. And thank you!

I was in my bedroom by 9:56pm and was curled up and asleep by 11pm.

I woke up on 08July2015 just in time for eggs, sausage, hash browns, an English muffin, and orange juice for breakfast. I watched the NBC Nightly News from the previous evening at a local wifi hotspot at 9am and was at my local morning haunt at 9:29am.

This blog post was published at 9:55am on 08July2015.

And now, my beautiful world, I answer all of your questions for me. Please keep collecting all questions and concerns from all your friends and loved ones and sending them to me through whatever means possible.

Why do I only dance my trademark SquidDance to Tentacle's Gotye cover? Every song creates its own dance.

Hawaiian music creates the hula. Reggae creates the skank. Klezmer makes people break out their handkerchiefs. I dance the polka to every polka. African drumming makes people dance traditional African dances.

Gotye's greatest hit is so familiar to me that it inspires the most familiar dance moves to me.

What is the significance of my hat? You need to understand how much the CIA mean to me.

As early as 2010 and en masse since 2012, CIA agents started going rogue to rescue me. They were the vast majority of "my brave rescuers" for years, and so many have died on the battlefield fighting to save me from Obama. The CIA means so much to me. They are as important as the air I breathe.

In fact, in 2015, after they gave me my hat, the CIA told me, "Just tell people you work for us." I responded with, "But I can't lie." No, I have never been a spy. But I have never been so honored.

I put my hat on when I need to increase my conspicuousness. But, it works a little like Wonder Woman's golden lasso of truth...

When people are guilty of war crimes, they hate my hat and get very nervous around me when I wear it. They call me intimidating when I have my hat on. Yet, when people are innocent, they think I have never looked sexier than with my hat on. You should have seen LightFoot's mischievous smile the first time he saw me in it.

Once, when my hat was sitting on top of my old red patent leather computer bag and my bag was beside Tentacle's band equipment so they could keep an eye on my iPad for me, there was a conversation that I was not supposed to overhear.

A maintenance man who maintains my playland asked LightFoot, "Um, who works for the CIA?" And my darling pointed at me and told him, "My girlfriend does." The whole exchange made me giggle with flattery.

As whom current President of the United States of America Martin Dempsey refers to as "our one-woman federal government," the CIA is my pride and joy. I call my hat swag. I am their honorary agent. And I do everything I can for my nation under the most famous, most conspicuous, and least private conditions anyone has ever endured.

My selfless support system, how many of you are in the espionage community? Born in 1977, I was a child in the 80s. Espionage was so romanticized during the Cold War.

I grew up with espionage as my childhood fascination. Similarly, my BFF Syniva grew up with a childhood romantic attachment to the Italian mafia. Being a full grown adult whom spies die trying to rescue is almost too romantic for me to fully handle.

But Sweetness, LightFoot, etc. have come to terms with the fact that they are not bad enough to be my "bad boy" type. For that, they would have to be Tao or Cuddlebunny.

This Woman of Intrigue

You need not beware me. I am the doe-eyed innocent. I am the glowing virgin in diaphanous garb who attracts the unicorn.

But that shadow behind me-- beware the unicorns that hide there. Be careful whom this beautiful woman attracts. Light not falls upon my bodyguards should they not desire it so.

Some call my silent forces mice. They sneak. They hide. They whisper. But you will feel their steel as if they were ninjas.

You need not beware me. You must beware who will find you if you harm me.

My BFF SynSyn and all of my genius Powers of Attorney, I heard someone singing your praises on 07July2015. Some world heroes wear red stiletto boots like you. Thank you. Whatever you won, thank you.

As always, my gorgeous and genius lady friends, tell me what you need when you need me. And never take your red stiletto boot off the throats of all who enforce Obama's "egg," Obama's rules, Obama's war crimes, Obama's human rights abuses, and Obama's war.

If police are enforcing rules that cannot be laws as if they are laws, we send the federal agents to arrest the police. In all instances, I am convinced they are Obama's mercenaries disguised as police.

The REAL police are supposed to know the difference between a law and a crime against America (even when the CRIMES are mislabeled "rules"). We ESPECIALLY need to make sure my darlings Tentacle can reach me at all times; that is a 1st Amendment right.

Please refer to the first five words of the 1st Amendment and to the 14th Amendment for how we know rules that take away any rights CANNOT be anyone's laws in America anywhere.

My beautiful world, again, my ever vigilant spies keep a distance. They are undercover. So please make sure I can at least have my darlings Tentacle in my life.

My beautiful world, my loved ones need your help just so they can play me music. I NEED TO BE ABLE TO MEDITATE. This entire world will fall apart if my darlings Tentacle are kept away from me. If I cannot meditate, I cannot do my globally-critical job.

Obama, particularly with the help of ABSOLUTELY EVIL Iowa, has rendered my life too horrifying and unlivable under his "rules" for me to function at all if I cannot meditate daily. My beautiful world, you need to make sure Tentacle can be in my life at all times.

All three of my darlings Tentacle, here is my advice on how to renegotiate. And EVERY TIME you are blocked from reaching me, renegotiate increased quality of life into our time together.

My darlings Tentacle, start out in a position of power. Start out demanding everything. The entire world needs me able to meditate daily.

Even our enemies need me to meditate, so I stay benevolent and never play as dirty as they do. Could you imagine a genius like myself doing something as underhanded to them as they do to all of us? So, start from the place of power. Tentacle, you control that I meditate.

The only things I am comfortable losing ground on right off the bat are...
a) Do not demand that you get to take me to my husband. (Sweetness, trust that it takes steps to reach that point.) We can make that allowance to make sure they take us seriously.
And b) I will allow that I maintain your names are "LightFoot," "Lee," and "Imani." I will maintain your false identities. But only if that is a term of your negotiations.

What you do demand is a much longer list...
a) Demand that you get to play me music any day and any time you want.
b) Demand that you get to approach me with honest conversations.
c) Demand that you treat me at all times with the dignity and respect I deserve. I am not asking you to treat me like royalty. I am on Roman Holiday. But I know who I am for REAL in this world, and the world will be watching you interact with me as a fellow human.
d) Demand that you all get to approach me and get to ask me on respectful dates.
e) Demand that you actually get to take me on respectful dates.
f) Demand that we get to sleep together, if you charm me into it. Giggle.
g) Demand quality non-music time like taking me out and buying me bourbon as a group social event. Any musicians who see a full-grown, gorgeous, adult woman throw down on their dance floor like I do on yours buy her a drink. You have normalcy to uphold in my life to maintain the bubble at all.
h) Demand that you take me with you when you travel to gigs out of town.
i) Demand you get to bring me onstage for non-playland shows.
And j) Demand I get to live with you, if our dating and courting goes well.

I am no Pollyanna. I have an idea how ugly your negotiations get, but start from a place of power demanding everything before they can take any demands away from you.

I am sending you the United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon and possibly German Chancellor Angela Merkel, British Prime Minister David Cameron, and Russian President Vladimir Putin to help you, assuming my BFF SynSyn can get a hold of them for me.

They will help you in negotiations. The world, even our enemies, need me to be able to meditate. Start from a position of power. I will see you at 4pm.

My symbolic Royal Consorts Bogart and LightFoot both of whom I am forbidden from speaking with least of all ever making love to, are things getting easier or harder for you?

Please recall, my boyfriends, I never asked you to rescue me. I have only asked you to find a way to be in my life. I have asked you to be two people who make my present, my daily existence, livable at all. Leave my future in the hands of Sweetness and my brave rescuers. Do what you can about my today not my tomorrow.

Sweetness, you are the loved one in charge of my tomorrow. You must plan for my rescue. You must plan for my future. I love and adore you. How is my king today?

Darling, you are my happily ever after. You are the rising sun to wake me from this life of slumbering potential. You are the rest of my life once Obama's "egg" finally cracks open and lets me out into a life with human rights and freedoms at last.

Beloved, I WILL touch you the way the flowers kiss the rain. That will be the beginning of a renaissance of philosophy, art, and invention for all of humanity. Imagine the world you create when you give me my tomorrow.

Sweetness, I work every day to reach you. Thank you for never ceasing your own fight in all its epic glory to reach me.

A kiss. My hero and my king, the world will begin with our kiss.

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