Preface: Same as always... Make sure you favorite or bookmark frisco-squid.blogspot.com, so you can check this blog regularly for new posts. Please read and share them all. Yes, yes, share all my blog posts yourselves!
Here is my latest blog post. Please save me. I am almost destroyed.
Syria. No, I did not forget about you. I have just done everything possible for me to do to help you until I get my basic human rights back. Obama is killing me, Syria. I would much rather spend my days solving your problems, but I am close to dead in here.
They have put so many horrible chemicals in my food, drink, and water, that I am lucky my digestive system is not permanently set on regurgitation. There is testosterone and LSD in the city water right now. And that is only what I can tell is there from other people's behaviors and health complaints. CLEAN UP YOUR CITY WATER DES MOINES! Children and pregnant women drink this water!
In the news of the odd, I heard someone try to call me an heiress Wednesday afternoon. Yes, I am the future queen of Spain, but my suffering earned every penny I have. I might literally be worth over one billion dollars, but I earned it all. I have inherited nothing but my youthful appearance from my parents. I would rather be penniless than suffer all the ways I am still suffering, but I have no choice.
Just so you all know, from the moment this post was published, my offer to negotiate with Obama has been rescinded. We are just impeaching him now. He has surrendered his only way out through his inhumanity to me, cruelty to my loved ones, oppression of America, and pain to the world. I am too close to being destroyed by Obama to be irrationally good to him.
My beautiful world, I pride myself on being part of a team. SynSyn, Sweetness, all of you, everyone who helps, the entire menagerie of animals, the nerds, the ninjas, the dogs, cats, bears, mice, the protesters, the volunteers, you all know who you are, thank you. I need to lean on my team a little more than usual right now. I am close to destroyed.
My brave rescuers, do not panic. Do not go out and get yourselves killed. I know how much you worry.
My beautiful world, I am dying. I am losing my will to live, and I am losing my will to do good in the world. Obama is winning. He is killing me. I am very close to being completely destroyed. I need help in here. I need friends. I need my reality acknowledged. And most importantly, I need my husband.
I am almost dead, so you are going to have to do some of the problem solving now. You, my beautiful world, need to figure out how to break Iowa, so that they no longer obey the rules. They are all (expletive)ers who never listen to me. They are what is killing me. You need to stop Iowa from obeying the rules to preserve me. You need to figure this out, my beautiful world. I am almost gone. Iowa has almost killed me.
You also need to figure out how to get my husband to me. He is the only thing I can think of that could heal me. Sweetness and I have long had the understanding that we go from here to someplace I can heal once he reaches me. Please make sure I get a chance to heal before I die in here. My beautiful world, I need you. I am so far gone, I cannot do the problem solving anymore. You are going to have to figure this out. Please hurry.
SynSyn, I need the quacks put in prison. I know you are very busy right now. When we are done impeaching Obama, please remember to put Landy and Singh in prison for torture. I need justice. I love you, Synny, and I miss you. I could really use a friend right now in here. You could keep me alive if it were not forbidden for me to spend time with my own best friend.
Sweetness, Papa Bear, the Mr. Johnny Depp, my Mr. Love-of-my-Life, my hero, my king, my reason for living, I love and adore you. I love everything about you-- normal human faults, moody tendencies, dark side, and all. I would never want to change you; you are the man who has chosen to fight so hard to be with me despite all of the difficulties. I love you just the way you are. I just want to grow old with you. And I really need a good dose of my reason for living right now.
Darling, I never wept so hard as when I thought you left me. I would never leave you. I did not understand you need constant reassurances of how much I love you. I will never let you down again. I love and adore you. Do these words still have meaning? I love and adore you. I love and adore you. I love and adore you. Please listen to me.