Friday, August 12, 2011

Iowa State Fair

I spent last night at the Iowa State Fair. I wanted a pretzel but had to settle for a funnel cake. I am not from around here, you know, so when I saw the Butter Cow for the first time in my life, I had to ask why it was such a big deal. It must just be part of the culture of Iowa.

My mom and I saw Jay & the Americans at the ABC Chanel 5 Stage. They put on a really good show. I recommend going, but they were very rude to us afterwards. I asked very nicely if I could take a photo of them with my mom, and they spoke to me very harshly. I did not even get a chance to thank the backing band for the show; they snubbed me.

Having done nothing to incite the ire of any band from the 60s, it was all very shocking. As we all know, though, I have been through worse, but when will the irrational hatred towards me finally end? I am a force for good in the world. When will people acknowledge me?

Iowa, I can see it in your eyes. You honestly think you are good people. You honestly want to say you do the right thing... but because you are sitting on your hands, I am still enslaved and trapped. We need to get me out of my parents' house and into the arms of my beloved husband. You need to actually do good instead of just not doing bad. You need to start taking some initiative if you actually want to be a people who do the right thing. You need to pick me up and deliver me to my darling Sweetness.

As for you, my beautiful world, I am reaching panic mode. If I am not released from this hell soon, I will start panicking and not stop until I finally have my human rights. If I reach full panic mode, things will be ugly and painful for me. Please, my beautiful world, support my darling Sweetness as he wars to have me set free. Better yet, take some initiative and offer him the help he needs before he can ask you for it. He is naturally very shy, you know. Help him think his way through all of this. Do not get in his way by "over-helping," but also do not be in his way by not helping at all. I can trust you. You will rescue me. You know I have suffered enough.

Sweetness, you have to think bigger. You have to think on an epic scale. There is no reason at all that leading my rescue has to be your responsibility alone, but you are the only person willing to do it. You have to think big enough to do it. Start demanding the help you need. My freedom would be a gift to the entire world; the world needs to start helping you. Just like you should not have to foot the bill alone, you should not have to carry this burden alone. Find people to help you. The responsibilities are huge, so should be your support.

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