Tuesday, June 16, 2015

No Shit, Sherlock... Your Random 90s Reference for the Day

Title: No Shit, Sherlock... Your Random 90s Reference for the Day.

Recap of drugs and roofies in all places I have eaten and attempted to caffeinate 08May2015 and by 7:52am on 09May2015...

Late on 07May, Michael of day-of-roll-of-tape fame showed up on my conversation patio, ordered by Obama's infestation to placate me as a faux sycophant, to provide sandwich, safe caffeine, SmartWater(tm), popcorn, more than one ice cream product, etc... All was safe.

Early on 08May, he appeared where I perched to watch my middle-aged menfolk to feed me a completely safe breakfast, too. We had that talk, the previous night, about the three never-fail steps to absolution and protection.

At about 4pm on 08May, after my hours long "Save the Children" smack down, I ate very delicious and safe food yet very chemically dangerous coffee at my local Americanized Chinese restaurant. I sent the coffee back twice, and everyone was okay with my not paying for drugged coffee that could have assassinated me thereby potentially destroying the entire world.

Late 08May, a kind stranger who looked like my darling Mr. Danny Elfman handed me $5 while I was in line for the McDonald's. The food was as many calories as I could buy. The iced tea was drugged, but they refunded me the cash after I complained. Sadly, after they intentionally drugged me with the iced tea, they openly refused anyone near me while on their premesis no matter how much my lovers and believers there complained to them they wanted to be near me. I sat on that patio completely alone. All protection for me is forbidden around me when people roofie and drug me into passing out, so they can assault and abuse without my being able to defend myself. Do you remember epic videos from 26Apr2015?

At 4:14am, after a safe nap watched by the invisible international community while streaming some sort of version of HBO's "Montage of Heck," I ate two breakfast burritos at the McDonald's-So-Vile-It-Was-Already-Disowned-By-Corporate. I went there on purpose to see if they had yet decided to obey any laws. I will let the verified and unedited recording speak for itself.

I kept nodding off, due to energy pulse in the fast fooderie already installed to wait for me or due to the food. I was the only person verbally assaulted. I was the only person singled out to be thrown out. A bitch right next to me even screamed, MAKE SURE SHE CANNOT USE THE BATHROOM, TOO!

I was so drugged by something that I just collected my evidence and left. When the drugs from breakfast wore off, I was angry and got ready for the Starbucks of Doom for Humanity (no reflection on Starbucks corporate).

The Pikes Place Roast was clean and caffeinated. I plugged in both iPads. The public and various members of various levels of government could ask me their questions.

No problems with them at all until 8:05am when I needed to give them an unsolicited free legal consultation to prevent them from committing more acts of war against America. But they listened and chose not to destabilize the furious world into rioting and murdering they would have been held accountable for if they had thrown me out.

By 9:16am on 09May, the world's most notorious Starbucks seemed like it had chosen to save itself.

-----Begin email text----

9:45am email to my mother..

Mom, I need that mail! Contacts, gift cards, hotel room reservation, etc...I would still like gift certificates to the ... on Wilshire. If you are only permitted to send gift cards, secure their numbers with FBI directly and NSA directly before you mail them to me.

Gift cards I could actually use,....

VISA gift card


In-N-Out Burger





Panda Express


Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf

Love you and THX!


-----End email text-----

Except for a blithering idiot too stupid to reverse engineer and a muscled up ugly mustache behind the counter screaming hostile nonsense for hours, the Starbucks of Doom for Humanity was rather uneventful.

I caught the most absolutely vile employee at my 24hr convenience store openly plotting an assassination of me by attempting to lock me in ANY controlled environment; that has so many legal precedents.

I waited, as always, until law enforcement could arrive before walking around the corner. There, I caught the same hotbed of treason I already asked my amazing husband to shutdown completely still making SO MUCH MONEY lying to the public that they ever at all supported me.

12:33pm on 09May2015: Absolute refusal of ANY law enforcement in here is why my proven loved ones willing to die to help me survive this "egg" are world heroes.

1:21pm the guy pretended to be Lance Armstrong made a show I am not physically safe by walking past me.

By 1:40pm, I was outside the treason bar rumor had it I and my husband own, the hotbed of treason I mentioned above; only the guilty get nervous when I wear my hat.

1:57pm I caught the fake cop who had already committed every crime possible from harassment to destabilizing humanity both overseas and nationwide while attempting compulsively and unrelentingly FOR MONTHS to torture and rape me to death in a literal torture facility watching me from the street corner. That ugly bitch had been following me around for days.

I received a request for me to write a new sestina; did everyone watch me ink it live? I was at my local fast fooderie turning in enemies of humanity in their kitchen and consuming tacos ravenously due to my near-foodlessness all day when I finally wrote out the pattern and the ending words.

Text generation began at 2:41pm and ended at 2:52pm on 09May2015.

Still untitled...

The self-perpetuating cycle of tacos
Here inside a hell-torn box
Of sin lit fire upon terrorist gasoline
Below the waving messages of light banner.
Never take their evil-soaked pharmaceuticals
Borne by sinning soulless Terrorist Dictator Obama.

Forever shall the evil of Terrorist Dictator Obama
Burn through stomachs with their tacos,
Yet, the sustenance is always better than pharmaceuticals
Sold upon the face upon the box
That called the world to raise our banner
Above the fields pumping with gasoline.

Never trust another woman's gasoline,
Especially if she is sold by Terrorist Dictator Obama.
Never, never, never torch alight your banner
From the grease of your cheap tacos
Nor ever willingly pick up gloves to box
Unless you choose the fight the pharmaceuticals.

I once dated a man who invented pharmaceuticals
Which had a market mark-up much like gasoline.
But inside the sox on Knox like fox in box
There are only the empty commands of Terrorist Dictator Obama
Slowly, two-by-two, like ants go marching, tacos
Like those aloft on every party banner.

And so came the day Bruce "Hulk" Banner
Found out her arch nemesis-- the pharmaceuticals
Were always in the lettuce of her cycle of tacos
Pumped into her veins like cars filled with gasoline
Sold only to fund the war of abusive Terrorist Dictator Obama
And his horrors and terrors filling in this box.

No, my beautiful world, this box within box
That is the forgotten message of this day so banner
Marked with the thwarting of lies of Terrorist Dictator Obama
Bury your pills in the sand. Disavow your pharmaceuticals
In exchange for some tasty earthly gasoline
To pour with airy fingers upon your cornmeal tacos.

Never another such Terrorist Dictator Obama--stop him, but save his tacos.
Flush the remaining pharmaceuticals down the drain in a cheap pine box
With or without this sun banner soaked and lit in crystal clear gasoline.

Derek 2 Day and Bobby Fisher
09May2015 6pm and 6:48pm Skype calls to my mother-- on my terms now; ask Kris about the quality of terms I give & 18Feb
7pm no news broadcast that day
eBar on the way out of the building--should have gotten more FBI on them
7:34pm Von's was cleaned up
7:38pm Starbucks that stole my wallet on 09Jan--no outdoor chairs, marked hours said 8:30pm--They had no answers to my questions, but lied to my face that I was at all "contained" as if that would not be the death knell for every single person who ever tried it--no honesty in them only hostility
7:49pm CVS-- corporate had explained to them that liars only lie-- they were very apologetic to me but what about to every other CVS?
8:15pm TJMaxx, bought snacks, such a darling at checkout
8:19pm PF Chang's-- the caffeine was clean-- but I could have used a more charming bartender. Giggle.
9:29pm had attempted stirring it up, but was rusty
9:41pm at the end of my playland with so many people wanting to come back through for after-the-salutations
After a lot of genuine giggling with clandestine friends of various occupations, by 10:11pm I had explained to everyone...
1) All I needed was safe snacks and clean caffeine to cheer up. That was exactly what I had told them I needed.
2) The reason my darlings Tentacle were not there was because Obama beats them up, points guns at their heads, locks them in literal torture facilities, subjects them to suffering and humiliation no human should ever endure, and threaten my life to keep them away from me. They just can't bear being without me, so they keep trying. I might have played them into an upper hand recently, after which I instructed that they force Obama's war criminal terrorist organization meet all of their demands before they become willing to visit me again here. At least Tentacle listen to me.

I was soon perched on a park bench jotting blog notes unto the aether(net) as SquidName:Pinchas played sweet music beside me as I worked online. By 10:38pm, we were nothing but an anonymous crowd joined by nothing but the same melody in our individual souls gathered around one violin with strings resonating into the late night air.

11:02pm My Powers of Attorney, we need arrest warrants to force all of these completely irrationally justified (if justified at all) assassination attempts of me to finally end.

The late night conversation with the man who wished he was LightFoot...

Title: No Shit, Sherlock... Your Random 90s Reference for the Day

Keeping my Minutes Until All Caught Up...

7pm "On my way..." Alarms. Kickstarted SquidStream outside restroom. Followed the metaphorical SquidLight. Helped out some local businesses while waiting to find out what all the alarms were.

Rain. Sheltered from rain.

8:18pm As had once been normal, Michael appeared to buy me snacks.

9:16pm Remember how fast I turned this woman in last time I saw her? Just watch her and Michael before and after I say this.

9:20pm Joined by The Wrong Gabriel (There have been more than one.) and "his friend" in yellow rain slickers. Gabe just wanted to know about the fake cop who scared him off my marble corner the last time I saw him, 05May. Rumor had it, after learning I am the REAL Squid, started turning in hard evidence about all the frap in my local police department.

Verified and unedited recording with full audio and visuals beginning the moment Michael appeared in my sight and ending after darling late Nat King Cole's Paper Moon.

Yeah? Well, tell Nate to show up like everyone else does. He treated me like a porn star the last time I saw him. My darling Mr. David Letterman is a witness. After [undisclosed sources] told me Thorbald died on the battlefield outside Des Moines just to save me from EVIL Iowa, I asked for Charlie, though there could never be a replacement for Thorbald in my life, not Nate. If Nate wants to battle royale for second place to King Sweetness just like everyone else does, he needs to goddamn show up.

Red was not permitted that night. After the human detrius with her neglected puppy finally vacated the area, Hassan swept up by 11:38pm. The horrifying no-excuse-for-a-man who pretended for weeks he was my darling Mr. Lance Armstrong started hovering at 11:41pm. A dear friend asked me for a cup of coffee, so I gave him my latest coupon for two free tacos.

[In Twiter]

The conversation went on into the wee hours of the morning...

I know that if I lose viewership, my public will not be watching attentively enough any longer to keep me safe. So, when I feel my SquidStream gets boring, I write flirty tweets...

Wes had appeared at 2:43am. Why the hell are NONE of these people arrested yet?!?

Then, there were cultural references to a rock opera... Then it rained... I finally ate the ramen and demanded Obama de-escalate... Left of my own accord...

Finally remembered my errand for the day... The electric pulse... Told Snoop... Michael offered me breakfast... Caught same cop from previous day questioning a homeless man on what does and what does not make me trust someone... WHY IS NO ACTUAL CRIMINAL ARRESTED, YET?!?

Much later than I wanted, 6:55am on 08May2015, watched my middle-aged men...

11:59am Came to naturally. ? Well, tell Nate to show up like everyone else does. He treated me like a porn star the last time I saw him. My darling Mr. David Letterman is a witness. After [undisclosed sources] told me Thorbald died on the battlefield outside Des Moines just to save me from EVIL Iowa, I asked for Charlie, though there could never be a replacement for Thorbald in my life, not Nate. If Nate wants to battle royale for second place to King Sweetness just like everyone else does, he needs to goddamn show up.oí

Roger plugged in my iPad at approx 11:28pm

Shortly after 12mid, the second grey-haired gentlemen of the night bought me a cup of coffee... 3rd grey-haired gentleman kept bringing me goodies while I chatted with the second.


1:50am on 08May, the woman I turned in for stalking me left her bags right next to me without consulting me first when she went for coffee

[When in doubt, check my verified Twitter activity for the play-by-play.]

To add later...

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