Friday, May 20, 2011

Back-up Plan is in Action.

As everyone in the choir to which I preach knows, I am a firm believer in preparedness. Did they specify in which timezone that dinner time is when the world will end? Let us assume it is at 8pm Eastern/5pm Pacific and that they only specified that time to Americans. Does everyone have a back-up plan?

My back-up plan is in action.

I am expecting zombies. I expect that zombies will not find my brain very tasty because of how often I use it. I theorize that zombies prefer veal-quality brains. That is, I plan on thinking my way out of this Apocalypse.

I have faith in humanity. I have faith in myself. As a back-up plan, I will not eat dinner today; therefore, there will be no dinner time, and thusly the Apocalypse will never find me.

On the topic of back-up plans, I sometimes have a gut instinct that tells me, as a random example, there is a defined population of people-- or even one particular bespectacled hero in shining armor-- who would come to my rescue if I am ever stranded somewhere with no place to stay, no money, and no food.

Recently when a barista roofied me at a coffee shop in Des Moines, I instinctively found my way to a comic book store with an attached coffee shop to be taken care of and sobered up by nerds and geeks. They even had a conversation with me... something that is very rare in this verbal desolation that has found me in Iowa. It was a definite moment of nerds-to-the-rescue. If you are ever in town, stop in and give them some love.

Heroes show up in some of the oddest places. I went to them. They did the rescuing.

Speaking of showing up, do you remember how I mentioned I have a surprise gift for everyone? I said that I bought it with the first $100 that showed in my account in two months and that you will all receive it on May 28th, 2011. Hee-hee... I bought a train ticket to Chicago, and I arrive there that Saturday.

I will only be there "for a limited engagement." Hee-hee. My nights in Chicago are taken care of, so do not worry about that. May 29th shall be glorious.

As for all of my now age-old friends living in Chicago, if I know where you work, if I know where you live, or if I know where you hang out, you can expect to see me. I will hunt you down as the loyal friends you are. If you are still not allowed to communicate with me directly before I get there, use Facebook to leave me clues.

As for the national and world news, the South is still flooding. The Arab world is still burning with unrest. Obama the Dictator is still as asshole. America is still oppressed.

I could almost write a song about it.

Sweetness, I have a sneaky feeling that people who do not know what you are up to might not trust you as much as I do. I love and adore you. My heart has been yours for years. Please remember that you do not need to explain yourself to anyone... but if you need help with anything, just ask someone. You are part of me. The world needs to learn to trust you the same way they trust me.

My beautiful world, do anything my Sweetness asks. Oh, and stop pretending you do not know who I am when I buy alcohol; I am not flattered when you card me. Hee-hee.

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