Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Where that Vampire Thing Came From...

What does today's blog post bring us? Let us hope it brings us closer to my human rights. Hello, human rights? Where are you hiding? Are you nearby? Someone needs to remind Obama that human rights violations are not only unConstitutional but also impeachable offenses. He is so arrogant; he thinks he will get away with it.

Well, we seem to be making some progress with taking care of our world. Let us hope we make more. This is still not enough, people. But these are a few very good steps in the right direction.

As for that silly rumor about my being a vampire, did you ever wonder where that came from? Well, my skin naturally produces glitter. That and I once sat in this very same spot in Cafe Diem (caffeinate the day) with my old high school friend Ms. Erin Perry. She asked me what I wanted to do with my life. I could be an actress. I could be a singer. I could be a spy. Well, I looked over my left shoulder and dead into the eyes of a man who could have easily been Robert Pattinson. Sigh... So, I said to my friend quite jokingly yet appreciatively that I wanted to be a vampire. Vampirism, after all, is just a kissing disease. It was a joke, but you people take things like glitter so seriously.

As for Seth Rogen, he knew I recognized him. Why did he lie to me? I also recognized Justin Timberlake at that piano bar in Des Moines. I have such stories I could tell. Maybe someday when I have my human rights, I will be able to tell them. You know, Axl, you are starting to look a little like a sensitive ponytail man. I just thought I would warn you. Oh, and Eminem (That was you, was it not?), I should have had that drink, but I had to run off and write a blog post to save the world. I hope you understand. We will have another chance. Just get me my human rights.

"He also assured Egyptians that they should not fear arrest for speaking their minds." When will such bravery and freedom reach the United States? You, Americans, are oppressed. Stand up for yourselves. Organize. And refuse to comply. I cannot have my human rights unless you insist on yours. You are supposed to have the freedom to associate and assemble. You are supposed to have freedom of speech. We are all supposed to have freedom of the press. Obama's human rights violations affect us all... not just his persecution victim, me.

Sweetness, I had a dream last night of you, me, a sailboat, and a vast starry sky. I know you are doing everything you can. I am doing everything I can, too. If this is not over in a few weeks, we can all expect me to hunger strike. This existence of mine is miserable in every way. What is a little extra suffering if it means it might finally end?

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