I am still NOT Fragile. I am still NOT Suicidal.

I am having a lonely night. All I want to do is curl up in the arms of my beloved and feel his breath against my neck... feel his heart beating against my body... feel his fingers running through my long black hair... But I wait. I wait, and with no other way to plead for help, I write blog posts...

Just in case you did not know, I am still not fragile, and I am still not suicidal. I, in fact, have never been fragile nor suicidal. There was an incident in May 2009 when, due to the world lying to me, ordering a pizza left me with a metaphysical concern about existence. That is, I was not sure whether or not I should exist in the world. but I was not willing to take my life to change it. I was far too spiritual and intelligent for the doctors who became involved. They could not even follow a basic reductio ad absurdum. Regardless, looking at everything I have been forced to live through ever since I was slapped with the human rights violation that is a "Code of Silence," no one could ever call me delicate or fragile or vulnerable or whatever the lie-of-an-excuse still is today. Furthermore, because of how hard I fight to not be dead, no one could ever call me suicidal without lying through their teeth.

Is the world preparing for the advancement of Global Climate Change? Is anyone but me taking up the charge of carrying humanity through this global adjustment? Am I being left under this human rights violation in order to make sure humanity perishes? My beautiful world, keep asking these questions. Keep demanding answers. And when you hear lies, keep publicly naming the culprits. You have been so lied to, and you deserve the truth.

I know my life will never go back to normal. I know I will never again be free to spend the wee hours of the morning typing long comment boxes(scroll to near the bottom of the link) in goofball responses to friends and their videos. I am not bemoaning the loss of all normalcy from my life; it was time for it to go. My only complaints are over all of the suffering I have endured and the continued human rights violation I am suffering through-- the bubble around me needs to burst. I am ready to embrace whatever celebrity-dom can throw at me. I am more than prepared to rejoin the all-knowing world,.

It seems what little I had for a security system is now gone. And what did the government give me to replace the live broadcast to keep me safe? Nothing. I am allowed no security system as I wander through this wild world. The broadcast was a largely ineffective security system; do not get me wrong about that. Does anyone else remember what they did to me in Iowa the last time I was here, San Francisco, Mexico City, and the UK? But it was better than nothing. I could scream for help, at least. I am now left with nothing but my wits to get me by. Okay, technically, that is all I have ever had to get me by. You are all so lucky that I am neither fragile nor suicidal.

My mom's car now has XM radio. That gives me another 247 radio stations that will play absolutely no current music for me. You broadcasters really need to stand up for yourselves. It is impossible for me to find any new music.

Similarly, I am still refused the means to defend myself against any attackers who want to keep me in this bubble of reality; I should at least legally be allowed to hear the lies and accusations they spread about me... particularly when it is the government. I have been fighting blind for so long. I am still denied the payment of billions of dollars owed to me for everything from camera operator to voice over artist for broadcasts out of my head and the like. I have logged enough hours for the union rate, you know. I have been fighting pennilessly this entire time. And I am still denied the right to be with my own husband. I am left to fight alone.

Thank you for all of your help, my beautiful world. We will force this to end. I would be nowhere without you.